A rebel without a clue.

The things which don't exist until I step out of the flat's nighttime sleep into awakenedness: the long return to another reality. The neverending real blandness of the yo-yo ping-pong of getting my shit together for the trip to 42 Braine Road to take Lola for a couple of walks. *** Wednesday morning. Archie decided to sleep on his bed beside the unlit fire in the front room so I slept until 7 without any real distractions. We both needed a little extra sleep because on Monday evening his guts were churning and he was shaking his ears a little at the base of the bed. There was some tapping in the night, which I realised was rain on the velux windows at the back of the house, when I initially thought it was Archie coming up to the top floor. Yesterday I managed an hour at the allotment, the first visit since the icy frozen the week previous and my final walk in Spain of 2022 the ten days prior. Christmas gathers it's force with the hyper annoying ornamentation and awful over...

As I sit waiting in Gate B20 waiting for a call for the return to Manchester I am reflecting back on the 7 days of the Camino de Madrid and whether it did what I need from the Camino Experience and I think it did? Really I wanted to reach Valladolid on foot if I could in time, but the pressure on my foot seemed to be saying enough, as it came and went during most of the monotony that the Meseta was offering... I know the Meseta (the south area from the Camino del Sureste) is genuinely barren without the distraction of woods, rivers or hills of the likes leading up to the Sistema Central... so can cope with it. But the ongoing issue with my left foot is becoming more than an irritation. As I am on the usual NHS waiting list for a clinical assessment of the problem I guess next year I will restrict the distances I cover per day? 

Back the way I came from Saturday - renfe Avant high speed train linking Valladolid, Segovia and Madrid Chamartín in one hour. Wearing a mask is still obligatory on public transport it seems? As my flight back to Manchester is scheduled for 8:15am I feel it would be best to stay close to the airport, not in central Madrid so I don't have to get up at stupid o'clock (5am) the airport is close to Barajas - the first bus in the morning is around 6 and drops at terminal one around 6:15 which should be sufficient so after we arrive in Chamartín I am heading directly to Barajas on metro 8. I left my walking boots to dry for two days, since I arrived in The Book Factory Hostel, but they are still pretty damp from all those puddles along the Camino tracks through the pine plantations between Coca and Alcazarén. Last night the room I was in stayed pretty quiet - the two other occupants weren't long after me climbing into their beds. Two other individuals I guess upgraded as they qui...

In me is one more day? Should do because 7 days isn't so bad with the physical challenges since the mountains (weather and body)? Booked two nights in Valladolid anyway to be a tourist in the rain... Slept pretty well after the fridge stopped leaking water: I turned it off due to the continual vibrations but it decided to defrost... The room was a little damp but not particularly cold. Now I am across the park having a cortido after tostados con tomate pondering my day forward as rain is forecast in the very region I am walking through and on the seventh day I am quite tired, surely the seventh day was a restday? *** On the final leg of today's suggest Etapa and completely bored of pine forests/plantations: this area reminds me of Les Landes in Gascony, but perhaps not quite as relentlessly uninspiring? Left foot is playing up once more, but so nearly at the end of the walk so I'll manage - 5 hours straight, almost, with one village since Coca, which I tried to hitch all al...

The path is the destination? No matter how much I look forward to the end of these physical difficulties I am sure that it is just 'the moment' which exists and I am just in this moment at the crossroads? It's like the Power of Now... Today I left the Albergue at 8 walked for around half an hour before I missed my turn so had to walk straight over planted, ploughed and fallow to join the Camino for an hour: but does it really matter where I am going or where I came from when I am just here without any conception my reality? It just rained torrentially all morning. It is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception this Thursday, thank you Spain, but my maths suggests that Jesus must've been born in August or he was literally like a sack of wind ready to blow in less than three weeks ... Logic says that the Roman feast/Christmas is just a superposition, but in a quantum universe no one knows where any two pintxos transects so perhaps this son of God is outside of physics and p...

Enforced hermitage isn't a bad thing. Here's me well rested, after deep dream filled sleep with no disturbances, of my own construction or exterior, but I am not 100% sure on my left foot. I am going to hobble the 10 kilometres to Santa María la Real de Nieva, get breakfast and then decide on what I should do: I will be on my way just prior to sunrise, around 8am. As the bar was locked up at seven thirty I turned in. My stomach rumbled a little without supper but a little enforced sobriety and fasting can only be a good thing to help cleanse the body which may help the foot pain ease? It was pretty chilly in Añe last night with clear skies above so I slept in the Longjohns I packed just incase I needed them coming through the Sistema Central: they are not my preferred pair (merino) which I couldn't locate while packing, but they're aimed at skiiers so they kept me blissfully unaware of the cold part of the Albergue: oh and the radiator works too and that, with a thick w...

First true Albergue of this outting and what a relief. Away from condescending bar staff who often fleece me at every opportunity - pig tails indeed - it's 99% bone and 1 percent skin, sure Lola would wolf it down, but then she's related to one (and I am sure she carries just one too many rat genes as she goes noising around). Back in the early 1980s what I recall was my first Chinese take-away experience included lots of bones, in batter, deep fried and called sweet and sour - inedible! Truly I love those people who cater to every possible need in their positions, but I am completely on my own with the usual surroundings of an Albergue. Simple and comfortable, and next door to the bar where the hostesses were very hospitable - I had no money, as I rarely draw any out these days because all the ATMs add a arbitrary charge, and they don't take bank cards but the younger señorita suggested I send them the cost of their excellent Menu del Dia and the evenings accommodation via...

My left foot is bad. And I am stopping before the suggested etapa/pause which is a little further up ahead after Añe. The bar is open and so is the Albergue. Really i need a 'half' day so at 2pm that's all this day: twenty three kilometres to a bowl of lentils, pork tenderloin etc... And at now filled up, unlike yesterday's day without respite. Different kind of relentlessness: Meseta... Am about to head for a well earned siesta. It was so warm on the plains I had to change into shorts on a crossroads, but I saw no devils awaiting!

Clambering up to the pass was kind of fun, and the turrón definitely kept me stepping, but the long come down to the ruin near to the road has put a great of pressure on the old war wound on the left foot. Not much further to go until the abysmal lameness sets in. Luckily no rain, just heavy mist going up. Afterwards a few breaks in the cloud and I could see the Meseta ahead. My pace now is trudging... The last few kilometres(10ish) was absolutely brutal on my foot, but now I am sat drinking Albariño and eating tapes pork tail, burnt paella which I specifically asked for (the rice which gets stuck on the pan - lush) and dinky pork sausages -  and watching the locals cheer on Spain against Morocco (0-0) and I am ravenous. But looking at the route today it looks quite some distance and I don't know if there is an Albergue open - the symbols on Gronze suggest not - and suddenly I am worried that the cost of accommodation is too much for much longer for me when I can't self cater e...

Pondering tomorrows ordeal: bought energy wayfarer fayre: higo secco ( la alpujarra granel ) 500 grams and turrón de Jijona de Alicante  300 grams. Plenty of energy and more weight to carry up those mountain paths in the blessful rain? At the Hostal I discovered a bath to ease the tiredness I felt from the day behind me. It wasn't so far, but I walked as fast as I was capable in the rain. My coat resisted the majority of the rain, but, as it always does with Páramo, it finds routes through the coat (usually on the shoulders and cuffs). Lunch was copious and I don't know if I can eat another solid meal, but can't set off tomorrow morning with an 'English' breakfast... in Spain? But this is a tourist town so somewhere may offer it? The final place ahead before I leave all hope behind is Casa Cirilo  and it's a bed and breakfast so it may offer me a copious breakfast - I should call them to inquire? 1% says eat pasta 99% says go to bed and eat breakfast in the morn...

At 1500 I am in room 19 @ Hostal La Maya after a very, very wet day. Luckily I stopped for a lovely sopa in Navacerrada served with the warm afternoon glow by the proprietor, cook and chica from Venezuela. She made me smile, they made me smile and the bean soup made me walk into the pulsating rain as the path took me up behind the town - I wasn't expecting that! Meson Jarvis, he was my English teacher back before university and the chica made walking in a sulking weightbound morning, with only suggestions of mountains, and me gathering rain enough to sink a ship, worthwhile. I'd looked into a posh establishment  once prior to it and felt cold stares - colder than the rain I'd gathered in several hours. Actually I sat down but the frowning cold shoulder of the people who  welcomed' me into Nava Real made me decide to trudge on in the downpour - they really couldn't care that I was soaking - they were more concerned I was dripping wet on the carpet. They almost failed...

Monday morning cradling a café largo after tostados con tomate from the sullen faced proprietor of Hostel La Pedriza, who speaks no English. It's a day tripper town and I guess on a Monday morning he's worn out from being polite to his clients over the weekend? But it's OK. It's raining outside: not heavy, so I put on my waterproofs prior to the grand depart for Cercedilla on day three - already day three. By day four Madrid will be over the Sierras and beyond me. I've either another 7 or 10 days from today as those are the windows of opportunity through the rail strikes next week across England.

When I depart I drink coffee and when I arrive I drink wine, but in between I sweat gloriously! Turned in after a second Chorizo in Cider and bread. Found the bed a little too short for my length and the curtains even shorter - they don't exactly keep out the street lights, but it was silent until a couple of cars disappeared along the road, towards Madrid no doubt, just now. Breakfast isn't available in the Hostel until 8:30am, but I am awake around 7am... If I can drift back into sleep then I will? A helpful host in the Hostel said that today would be more interesting than yesterday's last leg - it was interesting after Colmenar Video before going under a road viaduct... There was a serrated edge of some peaks which would've been more interesting to cross, but the route went around them after crossing a medieval bridge - the Camino walked along the base of these bare mountains, because perhaps there was no accessible path, slowly increasing in altitude. This area remi...

Heading up above 1000 metres and need to gain sustenance... They always put these towns perched on top of the hill looking south, back to Madrid. An old folks kitchen, but they let me eat a couple of tapes of eggs and potatoes! Centro de Mayores... Which was wonder fuel! *** Here I am. Started joyful, because eggs and chips are skill, but then bored on the saddle before a switchback - looking forward to the turn in the monotony - and into Manzanares el Real. Into the Hostel Pedriza, sopa(not a patch on yesterday's white bean and pork wonder), but I am enjoying the Godello vino until I heave towards the dormitory: all of Madrid's day trippers are hanging on to the edges of the Massif rising dominating above the town. Tomorrow I turn my attention west before I have to go over this thing? Final vino. Looked at the castle here which is definitely a folly or remade and just a made-up thing on top of an original thing. It's a pile of organised stones which looks like a castle: b...

Day two dawns and I am awake around 7, but slept soundly and unbroken throughout the evening, after people around me in Hostal Tres Cantos*** had stopped running water... the sound of which carried along the corridor and between the wall and my space. Yesterday I had a great shower after two nights in Madrid when I didn't bother. This morning is fresh clothing too. It was trying to rain last night as I walked along the boulevard to see what the 'features' were of this planned satellite of Madrid (a Spanish Milton Keynes) but nothing really was reaching the pavement - it was a rain illusion and a warning against complacency. The main feature was the width of the central square/rectangular tree lined avenue and it's distance away from the train station and town hall where the Camino de Madrid carried on without coming into the town. Yesterday I thought to keep going as 25 kilometres isn't so long, but the sleep deprivation was getting to me so much better a quiet nigh...

The 1st of December arrives and I've checked in for the shortish flight to Madrid this afternoon (1715) from Manchester so will begin the journey there around noon from Leeds Station. Not getting to T3 the suggested 3 hours prior to departure Ryanair are suggesting - 2 hours has to be sufficient? As usual I will take the longer route: Northern Rail via Hebden Bridge to Manchester Victoria then on the Tram from the interchange in Victoria to the airport (around £12). Leaving the flat for a short trip to collect a free hot chocolate from Caffé Nero on Albion Street and onto the 10:12 to Manchester Victoria to begin the long day hauling to Chueca, Madrid for the first of two nights in that other area I stumbled upon over Christmas in 2019, before the phantom of COVID became a reality in February 2020. An afternoon in Manchester before the 13:55 from Oxford Road to get to the airport. It's a good city. I walked around it before eating in a Wagamamas on St Peter's Square and fou...

The sun is shining high in the sky, leaving me shortly to go to the other side of the block of flats. It was a big orange disk of a sunrise be behind the tower block which faces me in Mabgate: and I don't know which block it is, but it sits solo alongside York Road. Yesterday, after the guy from Mears fitted the Cooker, I went to the Light for my GP appointment to see yet another GP who knows nothing about my 'real' history and expected me to begin the 'pointless' process of accessing mental health counseling again. He was worried I spend so much time on my own... But I like this! I am not someone comfortable around crowds or clusters of people. I am good one-2-one isn't that good enough? Taking myself to Tharavadu for their brilliant lunch express veggie option I was in a very negative mood. The GP had upped my Venlafaxine dosage and indicated the website which has come along to replace IAPT(shite)... Leeds Mental Well-being Service? Mum made lasagna last night...

Tinnitus was bad yesterday too. It's still very present this morning, it is always present, but was more manageable prior to Friday's fall from grace. So I must be good? Left overs for breakfast as I always do enough fried rice for the morning too. I usually just add some eggs for protein as last night it was a veggie rice only. Mum's stirring and I am having a cup of tea, to help digestion, prior to walking up Deighton Road up towards Ainsty to do some digging on the allotment? *** I've hit a bad patch in my alcohol addiction. Friday and Sunday I overdid it. After three weeks of calm I am undoing all the goodness - it drives me nuts as I can't connect property without proper sleep. And all day today will be a right off: no fun. I am sleep deprived and that leads to feeling anxious - it's the opposite of what I was feeling before Friday. I know I can't be like this if I want to get out of the pits of despair: it's a cold and foggy morning which is very l...

What happens when a missile goes missing, into a neighbours region, and no one is claiming responsibility, but it's probably from The Ukraine in error - human or computer error. If Biden says it's not Russian it must be true because the US knows everything which happens militarily in the World and is very confident. To say it is not Russian means it is either one of Russia's allies (Belarus) or The Ukraine itself getting it's 'settings' wrong. All the rhetoric in the G20 makes Russia very isolated and backed into a corner: they respond with a wave of childish rockets thrown in tantrums from the cradle so recently rocked? Are these adults or children who run the nation's of the world? It was The Ukraine! *** Walking down to the corner of Albion Street and Boar Lane in the drench testing the Flecktarn rainproof with the failing seals, free chocolate and espresso and £2 left in the wallet from yesterday. A no cost morning. Went for, hopefully, my final meal out...

Mother has a cold, it's still foggy out and I woke up around 6am after a solid night's kip. Was hoping for a twinkling of sun to go out with lovely Lola, but perhaps not in the dullness... She's often in semi hibernation mode on days like today: lazy Lola days. Second day of leaden skies. That's the thing with the darkness and the cloud cover: it's an unwelcome blanket drapped beyond respite. 2nd set of 14 Venlafaxine this morning: half way into the first prescription will need to get another before I head to Madrid on the 1st. They're definitely working, but I feel a little less happy than during the first week, which was pretty blissful. *** Awake at 5 at the flat and the rainy day had already begun. A do nothing outside day... Except go to Wetherby and walk Lola - both of us with our raincoats on. Doing my weekly wash at the flat prior to 7 when the cost of electricity goes up on the dual rate "economy 7" system and now waiting for the X99 sheltered...

Just run a tepid bath! Forgot to turn on the boiler last night! Oh well I am clean. A bit chilled, but some people go swimming in freezing temperatures? What an utter waste of a lovely afternoon yesterday! Why did I even suggest meeting Jason in Leeds on a Saturday for a drink before his meal on his birthday? The amount of people: it felt like the zombie apocalypse had come! I tried to contain my anxiety, but no amount of Antidepressants can make me enjoy what literally makes me want to run away screaming to then hide! I will never be back in to the enfolding of a Saturday - like a guy once said to me - avoid Leeds on a Saturday like the plague is in town! *** This morning I am attempting to walk towards Wetherby from my flat via this new road system, around Red Hall, which has a pedestrian bridge over between Elmete Lane and Wetherby Road. Although my left foot is playing up this week... It's going to be a nice, warm, unseasonably warm, November day so better use the vitamin D whi...

Wednesday morning. No payment yet from yonder HM Government. Oh well. Was hoping to clear my debt from Tarragona prior to the date the statement is product on the Post Office CC. Not to be as it's usually produced on the 9th of the month; there will be a little interest to pay and I can't use that funding option for Madrid in December. They've sent me notification that I will receive it shortly - before the 23rd November. *** Waiting for a delivery of a new cooker and a visit from the liaison woman from Equans before I can leave the flat and depart for Wetherby and Lola this afternoon. No allotment today. Just chilling. Spent too much last night coming back to the flat with groceries etc: may pop as see Andy, Ian and another (Adrian) at the Mews mid afternoon, but unlikely - more likely I will pick up Finley if Emma's working? *** I forgot - Finley now walks to my mother's on a Wednesday, straight from school, so there is no collecting him. Lola and I went out at 2,...

Sitting waiting for it to brighten before heading up to the allotment for a bit of the morning. Meant to be meeting Nick at the Rooster's Taproom this afternoon, as I've not seen him once since I left him in Tarragona that Monday morning for the interior of Catalonia, and those long three days chasing monasteries. A dull November morning. Oh well! Mustn't grumble? Had 4 halves and one bottle in Wetherby prior to coming back to a burger and chips that mum had made. I'd done lunch - caldo verde - which was the healthy option? I've just had some for breakfast and am waiting for it to get to work - waking me up properly. First thing a fog wrapped itself around the street lights along York Road and the grey clings to the roofs and trees barely receding. But I will visit the allotment? *** Great day on Sunday. As I walked up to the allotment the fog lifted and it was more or less blue skies until I headed into Wetherby to wait for the bus into Harrogate where I bought a p...

I can't quite explain why, but I really dislike the Tiled Hall in Leeds Gallery. Maybe it is the bright light or the constant coffee echoes or the disappearing disappointing people? Coming here to be involved in something "social", but why can't I connect: the greyhaired lady wants me to fill in a form, but I feel that is a bit much; formalities. The sound is similar to the one a swimming-pool projects. People ask my name. People laugh. They are going to Morley next week ... Will I ever see the luminous. When will I overcome this barrier. It seems irrational to keep up the Illusion of any sensibility. It is an impenetrable nothing, yet it remains blocking me. And here I sit to await the toiling of a bell. How much of me wants thermonuclear war to rip it all up? Total apathy. Even the barfly buzz is banal and any odour I deport must be riddled with vile corrosion. It is Black "fucking" Friday. It has crept into the very souls of these many folks for whom I ...

Early for the next bus to Wetherby. Feel stress-less than usually. Perhaps, on the sixth day, my anxiety levels have lowered? Returning to the flat, after 2 and a half pints in Preston, a portion of chips and curry sauce from.Oakwood Fisheries and the brief trip on the number 12 from Oakwood to the stop at the bottom of Wintoun Street, there was a smell and what looked like sewage in the sink? Hastily I cleaned it away, washing down the sink, and took to bed to worry about it the next morning. These new extractor fans installed on Monday can be silenced on the mains supply box so I was undisturbed until I woke naturally at 5, rolling over again for a thirty more minutes. Getting up I did a weekly wash, made porridge, had a bath, got dressed, ate the porridge, cleaned up and departed for a Saturday morning in Leeds City Centre. There was no sign of the mess from last night and there had been a fair bit of noise on one of the floors which might've been dealing with the issue? But I w...

Friday morning. I was thinking of walking to Leeds, but mum asked me to walk Lola today and as it looks like a nice day, and I am utterly sober (and it's blue skies all the way) and I can head to the allotment if the weather keeps nice this afternoon... I've onions to implant! Fifth day of Venlafaxine and I've got passed the wobbliness and stomach churning and perhaps it's made me calm down enough to be able to lay meditatively several times a day: around three times yesterday I put the matter swamping my consciousness away free a deep peace; it is possible I was overly long off antidepressants after the summer of Wetherby and the damage it was doing to my psyche. *** Harrogate and a lot of Zoomies in the leaf litter down by the Crimple Beck below the Harrogate Show Ground. Sunshine all the way, and I was ready to go far until my left foot began badgering me once more. Four days of heavy slogging in Catalonia and nothing then one hour in England and bang - gone. So merr...

For a few days at the beginning of my time in Padstow, and before I made the effort to go back for food and a siesta (at the staff house) I dozed on the bank in Chapel Stile Field in the warm June sunshine and away from the crowds of pleasure seekers. In July and August, after the schools were on holiday, the break between lunch and dinner shift was shorter and the day was much more demanding, but I still managed to press pause in the next staff house I was assigned.

First night back in the flat since I started taking Antidepressants on Monday and when the council installed the extractor fans in kitchen and bathroom and I hardly slept due to the low level hum of the one coming through the bedroom which hasn't be culverted or had the door on the top of the wardrobe altered. I must ring them and get another date to have it sorted otherwise I definitely will be unable to sleep fully: I am just so sensitive to background noises and someone late/early last night set off a firework too... Frankly people are wankers. Between the humming of the fans and this constant tinnitus I don't know which is worse? And I forgot to buy coffee so it's tea this morning which always makes me feel slightly sickly first thing! Starting to feel slightly calmer. Less anxious and generally better mood this morning: but the sun was shining over the horizon as I departed from Boar Lane at 7am. My bowels are a bit troublesome, but it usually passes! *** Got soaked ye...

Putting the clocks back is a little difficult for me. I was awake around 5, which is 6, and I am now awaiting the sunrise in the east around 7, which is eight. Noon isn't at noon either. Mother seemed to be watching the TV into the early hours, but I guess it was no later than 11. At that point I'd been in semi- unconscious from 7. Depressed people tend to retire to bed earlier than others: or the opposite. I am definitely so disturbed by the world around that closing myself from it is the best option: bad thoughts crowd my mind before they depart and give space to true peace. The peace in sleep which is akin to death, or nonexistence. *** Where are we going? Like demented souls, clinging to something beyond our eyesight, we peer wildly into an abyss. But the magic isn't anywhere else. It's in 'nothing'. Except for this 'nothingness' we waste our lives. Nothing is all there is. However it's not a cruel fate. Better than blessed teatree lights placed ...

Where exactly is the bottom of depression(or the bottom of destitution)? Is it there a point where the rational exits entirely? Where logic breaks into too many fragments to be wholed or collected up again: like a smashed glass... Nervously I twitch at the hem of my coat. Pulling our creases forever and brushing off a dust which is out of my control. I now know I have no control over anything. Have I any free will? Freedom is perhaps such an illusion in a body I'm trapped in and a mind continually blinking. Last night I was aware of a pain. A ticklish pain in my right big toe. During mediation it occurred. As I lay there breathing in I directed my mindfulness into that section of the body as if to winkle it off, force it to abstain, cease ... it came in cycles. As many factors in the body seem to do. A timing mechanism. Something was happening in the nerves down there and I was helpless. Antidepressants. The mild feeling of a MDMA rush assailed my body and instantly I felt nause...

My focus is pretty bad this morning. It feels like the cataract on my right eye is spreading vulgar. Perhaps that is why I was feeling unsteady on my pins in York on Wednesday? I couldn't fathom why my coordination was so shot and I stumbled more or less everywhere I walked. And this was prior to the afternoon session! *** Couldn't get the antidepressants from the Boots in Wetherby or in Leeds - is it trying to tell me something? Perhaps beginning on Vitamin D once more and B12... Which I've fallen out of the habit of taking... Lola slept by my side on her bed until after she needed to go to the toilet at 5. Back to bed until 6:10 and breakfast at 7. She's asleep once more as I listen to an unconvincing podcast about climate change verses weather events. I am sceptical of all the statistics in such a short time in recorded human history. *** After a wet morning on Saturday in Harrogate I dropped Lola back with my mum and headed back to Leeds on the Sky Class X98 to hook...

To take the edge off To make the ends smooth To rake away the pain To toss into the wind And bring a calm truth It's a beer! But it shouldn't appear While the other invades; Being host of my loathing, Forgotten ways; afraid to tread. Must there be reason? A tragedy already played.

When I walk out with Lola it's with an expectation that a truth will be revealed on the, otherwise common, paths. A shared joy of an adventure on ways drawn upon heavily with others preceding track, or away, foreign, from where we're not meant to go: down the edge of hedge and field - without any right of way! There are places I'm sure only her and I have waited together, for a joy to unfold, this year, but then some sign of earlier man erases this dream. Recently it was a cluster of red shotgun cartridges around the decaying trunk of a long dead hawthorn: a death foretold. We often wait together in these other places and I let the sinister spaces, away to the south and west, be somewhere else. To cuddle Lola in these moments is very restful and brings me happiness. And there isn't a moment goes forgotten when I ask for a gentle kiss and there isn't one given. It's a pleasureable feeling knowing what I need, want, desire and looked to for is given without a mom...

Joanna Taoyuan Taiwan Author Bake Been to Seattle, Munich, speaks a little German: pronunciation of München a bit suspect? At around 7 I set off back to the flat... The usual, but ever decreasingly frequented bars. I am less and less inclined by what's around Boar Lane, except Brownhill and Co behind HoF, then it's only North Bar and Belgrave. As I was about to return to the flat, post rain, a 23 year old Taiwanese girl who had come over from Manchester joined me at the bar for a large glass of soda water. We left, her going to the station and I the short walk along Wade Lane, etc. Monday morning and it's pretty mild for the end of October. Soon it's sure to change? November a week tomorrow. Flipping from fucking Halloween to Christmas being shoved down our necks... Over to walk Lola and head to the allotment later if it's sunny?  Mum wants me to help her start cutting back the plants in her garden too. At 4:30 some distant washing machine noise put me in semi sleep...

So four days. Until it began to pour it down just as I stepped out from a Menú del Dia in Restaurant L' Isard, the first cheap 'entire' eat at lunch since June ... No where I've passed was open or offered it at the time suitable. Juneda was a crap town to come to a deserted station in a downpour! It was probably a poor reflection of the place as two younger dodgier individuals lingered next to the tracks with me. Checked into an apartment through Booking.com - cheapest option other than Hotel Goya apart from a couple of room-only Airbnb. Washed clothes and sought a beer. Too expensive really at €5. But it's only a couple. Autumn is here today. Definitely a change and the leaves are falling from the trees dropping like flies.  Coming to Gran's Records as it's a Mecca I suppose after the last few days of Caña Estrella Damn. But the music is dreadful - Spanish rap. On entry it was Elvis Presley on aa Russian pressing spinning on one of the two turntables. It...

Many bites from the mountain (and perhaps from the late lunch and the two beers while I decided whether to eat or sleep. Two savoury local savoury patisserie - spinach and raisin/onions and pimento), and the itching woke me up around four as I feared bedbugs. Luckily the room was clear. Until I checked in around 4 I had no memory of the establishment I left from over a year ago. And even now it's a little hazy... Sat enjoying a coffee while I consider the third stage which takes me back to the Gaia River so I will have zigzagged. Another coffee and a croissant and then away. Across is a supermarket, but the next town isn't so far away. Last time I was passing through, having fallen badly in the Pyrenees, experiencing the various quality ales in Lleida and Montblanc, but not walking and this time stone cold sober heading towards the second and third monasteries before joining the main route West from Girona, etc, but only until Thursday. But it's worth it as I have to return...

End of an endurance sapping day - 40 kilometress from the doorway of the apartment to Santes Creus - there was nowhere to stay in the Abbey/Monastery and the Hostal was firmly locked too. But from the very noisy cathedral to the utter peace of a Eco Campsite: a few kilometres away from Santes Creus, but a helpful Colombian barmaid got a friend to bring me here in a car: I saw a few yellow arrows so I think it's on the route? It's closed after the weekend, but they are happy to have me stay. Gratis, but I said I must pay something as it's a bungalow in the woods and they're giving me supper at eight. They are two old folks and their son will come later to take some money from me? They returned with sheets, cold local spring water and shower gel, but I had a warm, but soap free wash. Now I lay in a bed and count the mosquito bites from the forest between Tarragona and El Catllar. Giants they were landing on my exposed bits! In El Catllar, when Sunday was catching up with ...

The day after the day before. Friday was manic and Nick's still crook. So here's Sunday. I am admiring the view on Nova Rambla - both directions: the balcony over the bay and the chica from Ecuador. In Tarragona the agua mineral Vichy Catalan  has become as obligatory as café solo, a croissant and a pretty girl ... I do wish I could get Nick better as he's intending on returning to the UK via Liverpool this afternoon. Such a shame he's not well. Crowded House comes on the wireless and I hesitate to move onwards from the finesse of this Sunday morning. In the apartment the cathedral bell chimes the hours and quarter intervals and around me clusters flies and pigeons and a cricket buzzes in the corner as a dog barks at the sunshine! Such sunshine. Almost all year round on the Mediterranean. And we have several months of SAD to account for back in Blighty!

Thursday morning. Last evening I used the hours to focus on my breath, and just relax, before a wholesome night's rest: I awoke quite peacefully at 5:45am. Having a bath in the dark and then laying on the bed, in my birthday suit, until the heat of the warm bath had left me and the creep of the coldness of the universe had begun to numb my toes and fingers. Then a glass of ice cold water and bed. I was gone. *** Down to the departure point for the X98 on Boar Lane. Plenty of time to wonder why men put their hands on the 'family jewels' - which is either to keep their hands warm or some anxiety about their manhood being taken away... The bus isn't the new Sky Class item purchased specially for the route. I guess it's broken down already? This is the bog standard Harrogate Bus Company double decker. *** Mum wanted me to cut the grass yesterday, but the grass is so damp I am convinced it will destroy the blades on the mower and with bugger up the autumn grass. I will e...

I am looking in the wrong places for a miracle. Miracles are not of the body or this earth? There is something I know there is... This lunchtime I ventured into The Light to get an appointment for various complaints: things which no amount of brown paper and vinegar can solve it. Jack and Jill - I've not heard that nursery rhyme in a long time... *** Off for a walk. Yesterday I walked to Collingham, with Lola(2 hours,) and then ate all the remaining broad beans before a beautiful afternoon on the allotment(3 hours) - making inroads on the wilderness - then was pleasantly surprised by the plethora of choices in The Mews being offered by a Bavarian Braühaus Maxlrainer. Brilliant. Now I am walking towards Wood Hall along Trip Lane on the Ebor Way for a coffee and a short break before I continue to Harewood. Spectacular autumn morning in all its raiment or yellows, reds and browns, alongside green. In Linton... I got two windfall apples, a copy of Treasure Island - from the red phonebo...

First night at my mum's for a while - since prior to heading to France on the 6th September - and I forgot how quiet it is before she wakes and gets on with being nearly 80. My sister had an interview for a new job on Friday, which she was very eager to get, and she's got it. So no more decorating people's homes, and back to being an account manager if she takes it... Yesterday afternoon I caught the 1455 bus from The Spinney to Hornbeam, getting off near the Woodlands and walking Ruby through Hookstone Woods there and back. Coming back to hers to feed her, and leave her settled, I came back through Bank Street, which was an error. That one beer pushed me into snacking before bed: cheese! I'd told myself to miss out Wetherby and Harrogate yesterday... One out of two isn't too bad. Mother is stirring so I'll go and get washed, brush my teeth and then take Lola out for an hour or so once she arrives on the scene? *** Just after six in Belgrave and. Ploughing throu...

Ruby is a bed hogging dog. To say she's so petite for a Vizsla she moves continually against any space which appears between myself and her: but, foolishly, I let her share the bed last night when I could easily have put her in the crate, left her on the couch or shown her mummy's bed... It's all good. As the rain falls heavily on the velux window panes I dwell on the ticket to Reus I booked last night: 14th October to get away to the Mediterranean once more for perhaps another two weeks walking somewhere away from where autumn comes on leaps and bounds? All the memories of that trip back in June: during the first heatwave of 2022 have presented themselves for my mental enjoyment. It's funny how easy those memories pop out from the recess, or the crevice, they hide away in deep in the mind... I can stay until before half term and come back to Leeds Bradford for €14.99... *** Just a brief walk with Ruby who is also, like me, struggling from our night in the same bed! Her...

7am chimes on the lounge clock and I am sat next to lovely Ruby, again, from where she hasn't moved all night: after our adventure to Hornbeam Park Business Park and back to Wetherby Road in a loop dissected by a brief visit to The Traveller's Rest Inn and a longer stay, during a funeral wake, at Rooster's Taproom(first time visit). Both our bellies are gurgling and Ruby shifts, farts in my face and settles once more until we depart around 7:30am when those damn builders turn their radio on once more. Woke after a peaceful sleep around 5am and that was it... At 2 I sought the toilet and at 4 I told Ruby to stop scratching the seat cover when she was building a nest in her semi-consciousness. But I feel fine regardless of those breaks. I think I slept totally from 9 anyway, having managed only a couple of pages of the new novel I've begun: Aldous Huxley's Time Must Have a Stop , before I was fast asleep. For the first time since Sunday I've had a bath and put on ...

Tuesday's here. 6 days left of being with Ruby up on Chestnut Avenue. She's been up to their bed and now is by my side as I wait a little before leaving with her around 7:30am, when the builders arrive. There appears to be no hot water this morning and after locating the boiler it seems very silent as I run the tap in the garage which is nearby. Sent a message to Maureen and will wash up last night's dishes once it's sorted; or resort to boiling a large pan of cold water on the hob top... Yesterday afternoon I prevaricated a little before catching the X70, through Follifoor, to the Stray for our afternoon walk. I really wanted Lola to have a quiet one after the long one on Sunday so didn't go anywhere near to Braine Road since I returned her around nine. *** Slept well, having had a succession of interesting dreams, until I was finally awake around 5:30am and toileted before opening Ruby's crate for her wriggle cuddle prior to her heading up to snuggle between t...

Instantly those thoughts of suicide came back. The morning I set off for the X98 towards Wetherby and what appears to be the meaninglessness of everything here. I struggle to see any worth in any of the activities I perform? Doing anything at the allotment was hard going. Will try again on Monday? This must be untrue... I let Ruby out of her nighttime crate: where I left her at 8pm, and I sought sanctuary in sleep, she leap out and gave me her wriggling good morning, happy to see you, cuddly thing and then went to find the remainder of her solace up on mummy's bed. For the previous two nights I'd had Lola over too, in my bed here on Chestnut Avenue, keeping me warm and snuggling: but that was on a belly of wine. Try again this evening but on an empty stomach. Yesterday morning we were on the bus by 8am heading for the Show Ground in Harrogate for a nosy around Crimple Beck, up to Hornbeam Park and Hookstone Woods: the closest expanse of parkland this side of Harrogate and only ...

The long journey back to Leeds. I was crawling into bed at 11 o'clock. Is it worth it? The tram journey through rotten at the core Manchester to buzz about Victoria Station and pay too much for the short, overcrowded Transpennine Express... It really isn't Express? Into another city who's core is diseased beyond remedy? Leeds. But I got back in one piece. Just a couple of halves along the mile or so up to Lovell Park Hill. A wash done. No hangover. Hot water for a bath, soak, cleanse, before heading back to Boar Lane to catch the X99 to Westgate, where I will pick up some dog food and milk from Sainsbury's, and the go and connect with all things Wetherby? Was it worth it? The last 15/16 days? Of course. I didn't think of suicide at all and only briefly considered those folks around me who do me no good abs and I ruminate over. Especially Adrian, who I didn't consider once until the morning of Wednesday...

Eight in the morning on the final day of the Chemin/Holiday(hem hem)... I don't enjoy walking 30 plus kilometres a day! It's just something which like any habit I do without considering it? And it brings me momentary relief from the banality of what goes on in England? It's not a holiday! Well I suppose it's a kind of one from the point of view of another who sees any break from monotony as a holiday? But if I had the means (financial) and no responsibilities (Lola, mother and allotment) I'd go for a substantial time: perhaps the whole month it takes to do something like the Camino Frances (even with its crowds)? Truthfully I've spent a little too many weeks in France this year, and my comprehension hasn't increase and my pronunciation is still pas , there are other places I would like to go on the Camino: from where I broke off. Back to Salamanca, Figueira da Foz or Tortosa and these probably should be the future starting points on the goal which would even...

First time for everything: I caught the wrong train... On the wrong platform going north not south, so now I am in Argenton-sur-Creuse again! It could be worse it could be Leeds-upon-Aire? My flight isn't until 1720 tomorrow so I could stay here and head to Limoges tomorrow... Catching the correct train on the correct platform, nah! Hilarious, I got on the wrong train... Fantastic - I am so exhausted, from those dozen or so days, that I didn't register a green screen is arrivals and a blue screen is departures... My bad. Truly I am at the end of my endurance... Setting off from Beauvais with a hangover, leaving Paris with a hangover and walking a few hundred kilometres between Beauvais and La Souterraine and now a coffee in a corner café... What next? I am frazzled and haven't booked anything in Limoges (good job). Perhaps I head there at my leisure and try to stay with the Nuns? Time for 2 coffees and a croissant and to ponder who was is positioned directly beh...