post-Easter. Risen?
Self control. Positive freedom. So often am I out of control of what is best for me, but, as if looking through a fog, I see it not. Something inside takes control of my best self-interest and de-rails it. Some days I clearly see that I have lost control and start again from a zero point: a line in the sand. Then I step forward again trying to resist the pitfalls I put on the road I am on. Just over one week ago I returned from Limoges and the brilliant self-control required to walk and walk and walk, regardless of my wishes just to sit and give up, crying 'am I mad?' But then I return and, as though I have earned a little self destruction, fall into a banal meaningless cycle of badness. The part of my brain which I have released from the badness sees it's opportunity to become wreckless. Since that Sunday I have returned to wrecklessness, and I just can't live a life this way! It effects all my relationships, poisoning them at the root and the leaf. Yesterday I walked ...