the infinity discount skit
SCENE: OUTSIDE CAFFÈ NERO, WETHERBY PILGRIM exits, holding the last satisfying warmth of his coffee. A CHEAP TATT SHOP sits nearby, window filled with glowing nonsense. A sign reads: INFINITY DEER — NOW £9.99 (in aggressive festive typeface) --- PILGRIM: Ah. Infinity. Reduced. That’s that theory sorted, then. (He nods sagely, as though confirming a theological dispute.) Enter LEGION — not one person, but three identical blokes in puffer jackets, speaking in chorus. --- LEGION: Look at the Deer! Look at the Santa! Behold the glow! Behold the SALE! PILGRIM: It’s t’daylight, lads. They’re clearly made of plastic and regret. LEGION: (shocked gasp) HERESY! (They cross themselves using a Tesco Clubcard.) PILGRIM: Infinity can’t be £9.99. LEGION: But it USED to be £14.99! PILGRIM: Aye. And I used to be twenty-one. We’re both past it. --- ENTER THE FATHER He pushes his SON gently toward the window. The lad looks content, peaceful, untouched by spectacle. The father, however, is vibrating like ...