A rebel without a clue.

My soul is dying. The moment I had when I felt I was understanding something real is vanishing and I don't know how to stop it popping off. Yesterday went wrong, again, what should've been a wonderful day of oneness with Lola - 100% - was ensnared by the rottenness at my core. And I am utterly sick of myself. There was some nice moments, true, but I went down that bad path once more. Now I am quite concerned that I'll never really be free of debt because I am a weak man. Full of flaws. The money I needn't have spent on beer. I have a roof, food, bed, allotment and Lola that's surely more than enough? Sitting down to another 2 cups of coffee on another Sunday, full of regrets. Pissed off with what people did, how they reacted to my ways and the feeling I really wasn't wanted in the brewery or in Wetherby. Let's start again. It's Sunday and I've everything I could ever need laid on my knee, under the covers, on the sofa so nice and toasty. It's too...

So far so busy. It's 17:30 and I don't believe I've stopped since I left mum's, with Lola, at 9am. But now I've got to go back to mum's and make the camp bed up: I decided going to Leeds was a push too much as I would've been incapable of anything in the morning; and a few tomato seedlings... Won't dry out in a day? They're Mexican after all. And I am watching, haphazardly, the Sky News feed. It is the last place I would turn for news: we're in Europe but The Ukraine is a million miles away socially and culturally. They keep showing 'tank' rolling by: it's very simple, and if they can film destruction from a drone all they show is destruction. *** Almost feel into the ditch of drunkenness, but ate a hearty dinner - Morrisons' Chicken Madras, rice, onion bharge, naan - and watched the end of one episode and most of another episode of Around the World in 80 Days. Mother wanted a take out, but they only take cash at the Chinese she s...