motes of dust.

My focus is pretty bad this morning. It feels like the cataract on my right eye is spreading vulgar. Perhaps that is why I was feeling unsteady on my pins in York on Wednesday? I couldn't fathom why my coordination was so shot and I stumbled more or less everywhere I walked. And this was prior to the afternoon session!

***

Couldn't get the antidepressants from the Boots in Wetherby or in Leeds - is it trying to tell me something? Perhaps beginning on Vitamin D once more and B12... Which I've fallen out of the habit of taking...

Lola slept by my side on her bed until after she needed to go to the toilet at 5. Back to bed until 6:10 and breakfast at 7. She's asleep once more as I listen to an unconvincing podcast about climate change verses weather events. I am sceptical of all the statistics in such a short time in recorded human history.

***

After a wet morning on Saturday in Harrogate I dropped Lola back with my mum and headed back to Leeds on the Sky Class X98 to hook up with Mark and Glenn - it is nice to feel wanted by someone and not absolutely lonely as I feel this Sunday afternoon. The sun was shining down Park Row as people drift north and south - from the station or towards it on City Square. People watching wondering about their lives: the places they're heading from and too. We're always coming and going - rarely just nothing absolutely nothing. I am not content to just stop here free of considerations.

A nervousness and worry are upon me because of a thoughtless thing I have been doing at the flat which might be a considerable problem - throwing onion peels, lemon pith, coffee grounds out of my window to blow away, settle and degrade naturally rather than put in the shute with all the unrecyclable garbage. I take all recycling to my mum's as she has a green bin. Now I will take all my veg scrapings to her compost bin if I still have a roof over my head?!?

***

Such anxiety going to bed last night. Although what is do is done: and I will no doubt suffer the consequences, I couldn't tell myself to accept the error of my ways - if it comes to that. It's considered anti-social on the tenancy agreement so God knows what may come of the bits of vegetables I've been passing into the outside world, on and off for some time.

Indeed I expect a visit any moment from a housing officer to give me a dressing down and read me my rights? But I might be getting it out of proportion?

The worse thing is I'd not read the letter until after I'd 'thrown' the green tomatoes which weren't ripening, but were slowly going rotten.

It's 6:30am, which my body thinks is 7:30am and will until I can stay awake until 10pm or something on an evening. The night's are gathering in and soon the sun won't rise until 8am from the 7am currently.

Actually I thought I was coming down with something most of yesterday: there is COVID going around (Emma's had it and Glenn and Mark think they may have). Crawling into bed I had a slight fever. Taking ibuprofen and resting seemed to end this and this morning I feel reasonable...

Day one of Venlafaxine 37.5mg. just taken the daily dosage with breakfast: rehydrated oats, honey and kefir. An hour and half prior to the visit to install the extractor fans in the kitchen and bathroom. Shortly I am to have a bath, clear the space required by the operatives and try to wash my dressing gown, etc!

***

Washed and dressed as the final day of October pours vivid in my room waiting for the warm wash to complete and the operatives to arrive promptly at 8am...

***

Here they are. Around 8:30am all hell breaking loose. First the electricians.had to clear my bedroom too. I only just cleaned it! Start again. No control on the matter.