journal of the last few days.

Joanna

Taoyuan Taiwan

Author

Bake

Been to Seattle, Munich, speaks a little German: pronunciation of München a bit suspect?

At around 7 I set off back to the flat... The usual, but ever decreasingly frequented bars. I am less and less inclined by what's around Boar Lane, except Brownhill and Co behind HoF, then it's only North Bar and Belgrave. As I was about to return to the flat, post rain, a 23 year old Taiwanese girl who had come over from Manchester joined me at the bar for a large glass of soda water. We left, her going to the station and I the short walk along Wade Lane, etc.

Monday morning and it's pretty mild for the end of October. Soon it's sure to change? November a week tomorrow. Flipping from fucking Halloween to Christmas being shoved down our necks... Over to walk Lola and head to the allotment later if it's sunny?  Mum wants me to help her start cutting back the plants in her garden too.

At 4:30 some distant washing machine noise put me in semi sleep for the remainder as I got up to start the day at 5:45am.

***

During the last walk in Catalonia I started to believe my perception of distance, height and colour was entirely subjective and regularly wrong. Climbing up into the dividing range behind Tarragona and the sea the inclines often seemed easier that how I conceive of them from a distance. Getting up to 750 metres, zigzagging, wasn't as difficult as my mind convinced me it was to be. At no point did the climb overwhelm me the way I perceived it would. Indeed it was quite enjoyable shooting up to where the ridge was exposed.

***

Two stunning autumnal days: far from the drab dreariness which is just about around the corner: as the shadows get longer.

Just for a moment this morning, on the walk down the Ings with Lola, I managed to hide successfully from her: when I stepped out and ran away from her she zoomied everywhere... And I love her!

***

Day away from LS22. Mother is walking Lola and I feel like escaping after I've been to have my body checked by the NHS and seen a GP. It's going to be a nice day so I should make the most of it?

***

Half an hour prior to the NHS check up. Opposite TK Maxx in the new corner Caffé Nero contemplating the error of wearing the 'new' ECCO high arch support shoes I bought recently which I don't get on too well with already. Something on my left foot keeps slipping in the toe area: bone or muscle I can't tell.

Prior to leaving the flat, prior to my usual bath, I prepared a pasta dish. Perhaps it's a sign I should return to the flat and change shoes, pick up the meal as sustenance on the route I chose and put on the Salomon boots which are a replacement for the faulty pair I bought in Chantilly...

***

Here I am again. Chose to go to York after I'd had the well man clinic and GP visit because I've not left Leeds but once, to head up to Carlisle, to visit elsewhere in England since Michael and I walked from London to Winchester back in May.

In York I was quite happy to meander to the Minster to locate the two well inside it - an usher led me to the two locations, but the water was out of reach. Shame really as I really would've been ecstatic to drink water from these two 'holy' wells. After I'd eaten some nice salad in the garden at Trinity Church I had no idea what else to do in York. As I sat in the sun beside Clifford's Tower I almost returned to Leeds forthwith, but walking through Coopergate I was presented with Spark the container box venue for food and booze. I could see why it's what people like, but I lingered only long enough to begin the afternoon "session". Which didn't end until I was back on the post 6pm Northern rail train back to Leeds.

If only I had come straight back up Albion Street rather than call into North Bar for one last beer I am sure I wouldn't have had the bad night's sleep and the guilty feeling over the things I communicated to Stephen about his 50th in February.

***

The health check suggests all my vital signs are good: heart rate, blood pressure, weight, etc, and the blood tests will come back shortly too. The GP sent my prescription to Trinity Boots, which I will call in for on Friday or Saturday - all being well. I need to start taking antidepressants again since the summer. But I simply must somehow stop drinking around taking them... So much easier said than done? It's up to me, but I've got caught in a tighter and tighter narrower and narrower existence. Very little 'floats my boat' - is this age or mental health? I don't know.

What do I want from life? For the remainder of this finite being? A good night's sleep this evening would be a start? And healthy food too. And an absence of alcohol. All these things I can do on the next day: the morning after the boozy one on Wednesday...

***

Red sky yesterday morning and the nice weather has made way for a wet October day. Too nice for October: too warm. Nearly November nearly Winter... Nearly Spring when we go through the trauma again?

***

Back to the flat after walking Lola: she's staying over another night as Emma is still crook from Covid. Needed to collect the prescription from Trinity Boots - but it was at the Merrion Centre: Venlafaxine is out of stock, but I am not going to begin taking it until the alcohol and bad night's sleep are in the past. So will collect 28days dose tomorrow and begin in earnest for 6 months from Monday.

The new Caffé Nero on The Headrow is a good place to read and to people watch on that busy thoroughfare: I must go there not bars or a while(if I am to get happier)?

Noticed some noise from the downstairs flat yesterday and today too. There is usually no one there. The two of them tend to shout at each other - like they're deaf or at each others throats. It's not an overwhelmingly loud noise. And I will sleep soundly tonight. Maybe tomorrow is better for a nice dog walk then the allotment again?