A rebel without a clue.

I ordered a repeat 'script' for the anti-Ds I had stopped using in January in the new job. I started on them again on Saturday. I was sick copiously on Saturday night and still nauseous both Sunday and Monday. I've started taking them as I feel a little worried the repercussions of having put so much into Millies for those 4 months is a decline in my proclivity to work: or even look for work. I told myself I will do anything on Tuesday. I will register to Temp. I don't care. I need a life. Suddenly I have no money at all and it's so incredibly frustrating to be in a flat I can't afford, with bills I can't pay, without being able to afford a weeks groceries, etc. I need a job. Maybe another more local live-in job would be available? I have twice ventured to Cornwall since Christmas in the hope of seeing Scarlett: both times she was unattainable. I think maybe I will never see her again. It's not a problem. I guess when I'm stressed I go off at tange...

On trains the opposite is true. We eat and drink everything, or most of it, once we get on board and the train rattles along we have an energy spike that I conclude leaves us bored again and makes the journey more anxious. I am subject to this same failure. But I now conclude it might be best to get on board knackered and fall into a makeshift sleep? The crisis of the job which brings me to the peak of anxiety and frustration is the fall out it leaves in my mind for a while after. It's some kind of shock wave. I suffer shock waves. I will return to bills, filth and noise and this is normal for most people. Fecking fecking fecking Fecking  Hen do at Leeds station Leaving for Scotland  Seems so much fun All cheeriness and smiles All together... Between you and me the Costa on Albion place is resident to Turks and possibly poles too? While I spent money on groceries not fill on coffee as I'm friendless. I'm in Leeds. I may stay in Leeds too. I can feel ale. I must...