A rebel without a clue.

Mood so low I didn't leave the flat all day yesterday and was in bed 70% of the time. Looked at the mess around the flat, sighed and went further into bed... The world needs to open up for me. It seems to be going that way, but only if I flee to France on Wednesday... I've accommodation in Beauvais,  with two fellow pilgrims, at the Gites d'Etape. Then the previous few years are completed. Will I live through this? Good question. Beginning another journey. This is the end of something ... Not cherished the period of yo-yoing the X99/X98 and beer/no beer as it's cutting my life back dramatically. I couldn't do 10000 push ups, like Robert is for charity, but I can walk while the heart and brain don't split or a canker develops hidden within this dermis.

Monday morning and I am low. How do I rise above this feeling? Things which occurred, which I feel irresponsible for, are playing heavily on my mind. As a consequence of not qualify for PIP I am almost recoiling, or is it uncoiling, in my mind. Seeing no way forward which isn't just one more pointless task trying to keep rolling the ball up that hill. Being on benefits is very hard to make ends meet, anyway, and when that income is halved due to the point scoring system, which accumulates to say this person gets PIP, but has no actual criteria purely for mental health issues (anxiety, depression, phobia, etc). I haven't seen the letter which gives me the option of a second opinion, before heading along the long road to the tribunal, but last time I didn't score on managing my life in the flat. Since moving to the flat in 2015 I have never decorated it. It's got exactly the furnishings that were already in place and the sofa emmanus provided, the washing machine Robert b...