A rebel without a clue.

Geese flying south on the final day of August... This morning with Archie and Ruby as we passed over the railway bridge to Millennium Field. And I thought a storm is coming. Not far away now. The end is near. And I am not talking about Archie's back end? Wouldn't that be something that on the final day of that final dog he broke in two again in some haphazard moment which I was forever to live with. There was a moment brewing near Ashdale Lane, as Sally(Nick's current divorcee) ignored me, and up near the copse when Archie was a little too playsome. I was concerned he'd snap that spinal cord and I'd never live it down. It's a fear I've had since the start, but now - with Ruby - something like that is possible? So I will have to keep him closer to me for just another 24hrs... Ruby will treat it as revenge for his viciousness at her food bowl last night: his snarl was nasty! It's a quiet Wednesday lunchtime in Wetherby. I popped into Ask for an espresso, b...

Boxing off one house to move to Ruby's with Archie tomorrow, but just come to BAE for a espresso. No book and not prevaricating - mum want some dog food for Lola so I with head there after this, pick up Archie and his kibble then head back to 42. The dryness of everything: there is no pasture or its heavenly bounty in August, this year. Some dark clouds pass by but are unaffected by it. The new East Leeds Orbital Road is open amongst these grey skies. All the way to Leeds to feel nothing and for there to be no mail of any consequence. The mounds of rubbish pile higher and higher in Leeds and it seems not to bother any of the folks wrapped up in their lives. I left as soon as I was capable. The hopelessness of it... *** Archie is a sweet boy. I introduced him to Lola's bed last night, in mum's front room, and he was there asleep this morning at 6. The chance to sleep in, until 6, staying on 42 without the interruptions of North Street, and from today Ruby's home on Chest...

Within touching distance of the end of this summer: 7 days left of dog sitting duties, but from tomorrow it gets more intense, before it petters out to just Lola and I on Sunday, which I am very excited about as she'll 100% from me without any distractions! Cleaning up the house by degrees: put a wash on of all the bed linen and the towel/flannel I used finally yesterday. Off back to the flat this evening, picking up Ruby around 7am tomorrow, if I catch the 6 am bus, and then collect Archie or visversa... Lola should be at my sister's until around 9:30 so I will keep them separate if I am able? Perhaps Emma will drop Lola on Chestnut Avenue for me? I am not sure if I will get to the allotment from Tuesday until Friday... I've got to deliver some water on my back up there so I will need to call passed with at least one of the dogs early. Perhaps this morning... No I feel like a trip to the river. Only an hour for these two this morning as yesterday was a long morning at seve...

Why capitalism doesn't work: the current situation with the cost of energy and the greed of shareholders, etc, but what is the alternative? Give the dog a cuddle, have a piss and listen to an audiobook waiting for the noise and the light to die down and sleep to overtake me. I really need to get my act together. Days like today are too frequent: there are functioning alcoholics and I am not one of these: I am too weary the day after. It's shortening my existence and I am becoming pointless. Archie heads to his bowl for a glug of water as I discover a pimple inside my ear which has that tight pain: it's hard to squeeze that section of the ear! *** Looking at the line up of The Leeds Festival, @ Bramham Park, I know of one band -The Arctic Monkeys - only so God knows why my sister has gone? But she loves the Arctic Monkeys... Woke up at 6. A lovely end to last night as Archie and I went for his before bed crap and a cuddle before we both vanished into Lalaland. Now I get read...

Out for a coffee, chocolate and a chapter of East of Eden . Now to keep away from Bar Three or The Mews. Will instead call in on Alan and Diane on my way back to collect Archie, take him to Mother's and bring Lola out. She was so odd this morning as she continually crept between my legs in an affectionate fashion! I think she's suffering from not having much interaction with me? I will make it up Sunday week when that will be a day dedicated to her entirely! First day of the Leeds Festival so my sister has shunted off there for what's it worth. I couldn't imagine anything I'd dislike more: except perhaps an afternoon at Elland Road... *** Good day yesterday, including going to the brewery to watch a band play standards with Nick, who looked a train ticket to watch Everton at Brentford just like that! £106 return train ticket... Never been to the home of The Bees so he wanted to visit. He must have a good income to afford it and a mortgage in Wetherby... Slight hango...

Hopped on the X70 just after 2pm for a, final, trip to Harrogate with Archie. Things will be a little more confusing come Friday afternoon until Thursday (when Archie's owners return) as I've Lola this afternoon too, will probably have to visit Emma's to feed her fish and come Tuesday will have Archie, Lola and Ruby for three days. Could all three nestle down up on Chestnut Avenue for those two nights ... I am tempted to try that as Lola has slept there with me previously and so has Archie and Ruby tolerated both of them separately... That trip to Harrogate - I think I was drunk from the final two beers and, perhaps, should have got the earlier bus back. Not a terrible night's sleep, but not ideal. A slight hangover around 4, as St James's Church chimed that hour, so at 5:30am I rolled over for another half an hour. Meeting up with Nick was probably the error of Thursday's trip, as I usually only have a half in the several bars before coming back this way, and w...

A great night's sleep. It's a calm morning outside the window, but I heard a little rain before I passed over into Lalaland. Archie is by my side and back enveloped in sleep. 10 more days of dog sitting until I leave Ruby a week on Saturday. On the 6th I head to France to connect up with where I left off in April... From Beauvais into Paris and along the Chemin southwards towards Orleans then from where I stopped along the Via Turonensis towards Saint-Jean Pied-de-Port. It was a real relief to speak to Janet & Leslie about giving up the allotment. I feel less complicated inside now that I can put some distance between Wetherby and myself in the months ahead... My renewal is in July 2023 so I could just pull out then naturally and hand over to them if they are still looking to take it on full time... Janet mentioned that there is a lady and her son who would also be interested... I had told myself this 50th year would be my last doing replaying the same old songs. And Septem...

A much needed night at the flat after a calm late afternoon around Leeds, enjoying people's company: people who I know do not judge me for being who I am, and reading more of East of Eden until Belgrave got too noisy and busy, as the DJ changed his musical style and a crowd who were attending a gig ballooned the previously threadbare solace of a place I found to read and have a dirty burger. Around 8 I headed back to the flat where a little later a helicopter was circling above Harehills for some time. After it departed and the children on the estate below went to bed I slept soundly, too, and woke up refreshed at 6am. Time for a bath shortly then a stroll across town to catch the X98 and get to my mum's around 8:30 in time for Lola and Archie together... *** I am satisfied with today. Made a decision to give up on the allotment by the time of my renewal - the Dudley's at 58 can put stuff in the plot too - I need to begin facing away from Wetherby once more. As Lola ages an...

So glad Sunday is gone. Another crescendo in Adrian and my relationship problems. Looking back on how we became 'friends' is hard to see that being ever possible. I suppose we are just so different and have different modes of existence which are absolutely the anthesis of each other. But the lesson needed learning - I won't ever be in his company again and I have learnt definitely that Wetherby could never become a 'home' for me? Just too many folks I conflict with. And I wasn't going to drink yesterday, but it started with Old Peculier and declined into a bag of chilli Kabanos in the brewery and a tearful return to mum's to rip the tomatoes out of the pots he had provided. But, like everything which I ruminate on, it's meaningless. But trying to tell my brain at 2am is impossible as tinnitus seems to be higher in volume and my heart is pounding. Here I am again. Another reset. Monday morning. Archie is still by my side and I washed my soiled attire last...

Why are white things white? Crowd Science... And a repeat of In Our Time which isn't interesting me either - the Polish/Lithuanian Commonwealth. Two cups of coffee. No hangover. Dog asleep by my side. No Lola this morning so I am going to the allotment after I've walked Archie around 7am. Interesting yesterday as I met Nick for a coffee and he told me how his relationship is grinding to a halt. He needed to talk to me and so I forgot about the allotment yesterday and meeting Andy who shares the allotment (for now). Thirteen days of Archie and an overlap with Ruby over the last two days of August and the first few days of September then I am dog/Wetherby free. My mother and I were at each others throats yesterday. I brought her some Nasi Goreng too... but she was unappreciative so I left her in her bitterness, walked Archie into a desolate Wetherby (where was everybody?) and back for a good night's sleep. No disturbances until he looked at me around 5:30am...

Archie and I caught the 1pm X70 to Harrogate to walk across the Stray into Harrogate for a couple of hours before catching the same bus back, just, at 5pm. A three hour break from Wetherby: so necessary to break up the monotony! But now I am 14 days left of Archie and we're very close together at 45 North Street: he is so very happy laid by my side as the sun breaks over the horizon. The trip yesterday invigorated him too: I can see that due to his antics on The Stray, once the bus deposited us at the stop opposite the Harrogate General Hospital, and before we crossed over the road into Harrogate. A few of our options were curtailed as Major Tom's was shut until four and two of the venues were closed until mid afternoon. Ideally I wanted to eat a pizza in Major Tom's and miss out The Starling, which I don't like really because it's simply too busy by the door(where you're allowed with dogs) and no one behind the bar ever smiles, however the first beer I had ther...

Dull this Thursday morning. At 5:30 am I rolled over, picked up the phone and switched it on - believing it to be earlier. Now I am considering running a bath and bathing this ape while Archie sleeps more. Just eaten the last of the porridge I made on Tuesday evening and had two coffees. Usual morning rituals: finishing off a podcast about cigarettes, smoking - Tobacco and Me in which I wonder at why some people have these kinds of meaningless crusades: people kill themselves a billion ways every day. In life we are also in death. If, in the 21st century, when we know all the damage 'things' do to us, we still kill ourselves faster, daily, what will ever change? Two nights of sobriety and I am righteous on my crusading while I sit and ponder the slowness of the water pressure in this abode... Free to do as we are told...

It's raining! And it's my sister's birthday 48 years old and doesn't look a day over 58... The lifestyle of the not so rich and not very famous? That's harsh Daniel... Happy birthday sister? But what is it that altered you so much into a stereotype? Age and circumstances. It's raining. A gentle rain it seems. *** Finally a proper dog walk. An hour and a half alongside Crowcroft Bank to Flintmill Grange and Spring Lane(back entrance to Wetherby Racecourse) and now both dogs are in post adventure sleepy mode. Lola and Archie had a zoomies/mad moment on one of the stubbly fields we passed through on our way to Flintmill Grange, but I had to slow Archie down and return him to the lead... His back end is too much of a concern - but he seems to have compensation for some definite weakness there...

A change in the weather: much cooler and therefore more liveable for the dogs. Archie has gone for his midday rest and I've begun another week of this: BAE and a chapter, a fresh orange juice and a chapter and then back for lunch? Three weeks left of this long summer in Wetherby? With the breeze comes another form of reprieve. Perhaps the cycles of heatwaves is over? But I think it'll be back at the end of August I predict... To get out of Wetherby! Wow. I forgot how much I like my own bed. The flat might be in an awful, messy section of the carbuncle which is Leeds, West Yorkshire, but it's my 'home'; being here for 5 years come October... Means something. Just to have a coffee around dawn as the sun rises in the east and I overlook the surrounding area... Now it's time to bathe and head back to Wetherby for a few more days... If the weather 'improves', ie gets cooler and wetter, then the dogs and I can do other stuff? No rain. Plenty of grey clouds and...

Three entire weeks left of Archie by my side on a morning. I don't know how others 'dog sit', but I actually sit by the side of him regularly and he always sits with me between dawn and walk. As he looks up at me in the morning, at the bottom of the bed, and I cuddle him closely, he seems genuinely happy with those huge eyes and as they glimmer. He has a tendency to go looking for a ball later on to give to me to play with: but that's an obsessive action which has become a part of his behaviour, and probably led to his back end paralysis issue which effects his gate. In Lola that aspect is absolutely devoid. She's also happy by my side for cuddles and kisses. And I rarely play ball. *** Yesterday was a day of tiredness and endurance. Finally at nine pm, after a final walk around the block, and as clouds increased in the west threatening to pour down into Yorkshire, I called Sunday complete and collapsed on the bed(not in it on this sultry day as the room at the top ...

So far so full/busy. From the moment I left the house with Archie at 6:40am and sat down to write this account at 12:45pm. Lola and Archie are both enthroned in their separate positions. Lola on the sofa and Archie in Lola's usual chair(don't let anyone know, though)! This morning I feel that another attempt to bridge a gap between Adrian and me has fallen into the ravine once more... He told me not to pick any of the tomatoes (I gave him) 'please'. They've turned into 'his' tomatoes rather than ones I nutured since February then gave him... Maybe I am misinterpreting his meaning, but at no point was I considering taking any of 'his' tomatoes even though I have tended to them ever since I gave them to him... He's often away for 2 weeks and they will die of thirst if this Summer of '20 continues along the same lines? At the allotment I watered everything and pruned a lot of courgettes and have dug up the vast majority of the Swift(or Rocket) f...

Finally, as my eyesight fails me, a book worthy of squinting in the badly lit space opposite the bar in Bar Three... East of Eden . And I've had to take my glasses off to see any of the too fine print in this dark chamber. It's a fine novel and reminds me of One Hundred Years of Solitude  for some obscure reason: I've been waiting a long time to delve into such a glorious scrap of paper... *** At 8pm I hung up Archies collar and lead on the floor. Having just had him out from 6 for a rough hour to the river, and it's human detritus, and back I thought he was looking at me(and letting of a little gas) because he needed yet another crap! So out we went to Sandringham Park field where he spent another few moments sniffing, licking and pissing on certain spots around the field,  like a notice board being read for every notification, before we climbed up the wooden hill to reach the sanctuary of the room at the top where the gassing continued while I faded into a good night...

Leeds is such a lonely city Bumper to bumper; stretching home. There they sit surrounded by walls Here I sit defined by brick and glass The lights switch on Pouring waves against The clashes in denial Unnatural and beyond me. They do this willingly? Everyday the gap grows And community shrinks Lungs fill up in a last choke Another puffs a cigarette Double destiny being such sorrow A way too dense to pull out Harming everything we ever had It is a picture of the end Days left spluttering, Cough and the life fades.

Aghh! Monday morning and I had no coffee beans in their Delonghi machine... How did man cope in the morning before the sudden appearance of Arabica and Robusta? On small beer or some leaf with some caffeine in it? Other than tea? Although tea goes back centuries when did it reach the west? Time to gather myself together shortly for the dismal trip to Leeds just to collect any mail from the DWP; it is pending. A few moments ago I thought I was enjoying Wetherby then I was reminded that this can never be the case... In moments I dwell in happiness, but it's too brief. A man without a t-shirt on walks into The Oven Door and I wonder...they probably serve him without a moment's pause. Archie and I called into Emma's to feed her fish and went up to the allotment to water Andy's celery and our tomatoes and courgettes: this warm week might bring some colour to those many which are green? A wasp alighted on the page I was reading and cleaned it's antennae as I pondered Lewi...

Brilliant afternoon on Saturday. Catching the x70 to The Stray and walking into Harrogate. Having a few hours away from sterile Wetherby. Wasn't drunk but woke at 3 having had a full night's sleep, uninterrupted, again. But struggled back into sleep until I definitely awoke at 6, two coffees, one Oatsosimple and an hour around Wetherby up the old A1 (A168). Back to chill before heading to the allotment for around two hours. The lamb Madras I bought on Thursday, and ate over three days, has played havoc with my bowels! Dropped Archie at mum's and popped out to listen to 4 tedious posh birds discuss giving birth and planning an oh so stereotypical hen party. It can't be any fun being that middle of the road. They're perfect early 30s. Oohing and aahing at photos of babies. There is nothing to them. Now I will need to wait until next Saturday to escape this meaningless chatter... It's the kind of banality which makes me turn to the bottle. One down and three to go....

No hangover and an unbroken night's sleep on the top floor: also I was marginally aware of Archie's ball licking antics... I think he was as it only once, but I was in a string of dreams which were entertaining me. Saturday morning. Last night it went cold; bitterly. Walking the brief distance down York Road to North Street and I was freezing as the rain drops got warmer... Will any of the tomatoes develop a redness if the weather is so fluctuating... We need another month of summer and not a pseudo-autumn? And yesterday Glenn went to LBA and, finally, I've my backpack back! He made a joke telling me it has been sent back to Beauvais and I quite believed him... Because no one in Leeds seems capable of effective logistics? The number of calls and emails I've sent to all the several companies within that circus. It's a shite airport really: not that I can categorize airports at all? But it's a third rate gateway to 'Yorkshire'? And I don't know if York...

The highlight of today may be the chance of being stung by a wasp or the  wind ripping up the parasols... But then Paul and Claire (and new pupster Rolo) walk passed. They've not been around in ages: 5 weeks in France recently. Visit to the Opticians: Specsavers and I've a form of cataract which can be caused by a trauma (and I have had a few in the preceding two years). It's effecting my quality of life! What quality. I must go to the allotment tomorrow. *** Archie slept downstairs at first, then resettled at the bottom of the bed. Three youths hung outside on the street for a good hour: it was a stuffy night on the top floor so closing the window and having to sleep on top of the duvet for the majority of the night meant another disturbed night's rest. When Archie started his nighttime ball licking I told him to stop. With a yawn he did so and we slept pretty well for a few more hours. But it's not enough. The Mews had a quiz night thing on and it was loud and ted...

At which point am I going to throw off this dull account of the days? There is little use in the repetition? But it goes with Wetherby as there is little 'a matter' to it: with me... perhaps I am bland? No. I am not! This morning Lola, Archie and I did adventure. They had a whale of a time and both flaked out before I began making lunch: Basmati rice flavoured with onions and garlic from the allotment, nigella seeds, Turmeric and one low salt bullion cube. The short Perec piece I bought in Rouen has almost run out of oxygen as I keep going over the preceding pages of  A Man Asleep  without being aware and I have already read that 'chapter' but I will persevere... ... Second beer in a few hours. It's all there is to it. Maybe a critique of every beer is in order? However that also feels banal. It's a hazy session beer by Beavertown. Two halves is enough! Thankfully the Mews opens on Wednesday and the allotment is an option after the morning walks with Lola and Ar...

Seems strange to be on the X99, heading back to the flat, during this enforced stay with Archie on North Street. Lola's at my sister's this evening and can go without two walks in a day when it's a bit warm: which it is this afternoon, and I took Archie for his second walk when I saw it was a little overcast. Tony, Wetherby's homeless man, spends a great deal of time drinking cans of Stella Artois, etc, in Sandringham Park. This afternoon I asked him if he was there this morning as I keep seeing him and I now see him everywhere: before I saw him nowhere and thought perhaps he'd 'woken up'? Wetherby is a closed circuit for many individuals and it's getting it's claws into me too. 5 whole weeks smoothered by it... But I feel I am managing so far? And in 5 weeks... A little escape? Went to the allotment from 11 after I'd been out with Archie and then Lola(to give her a little one2one attention) and brought back potatoes, French beans, onions, courge...