things which happen.

So glad Sunday is gone. Another crescendo in Adrian and my relationship problems. Looking back on how we became 'friends' is hard to see that being ever possible. I suppose we are just so different and have different modes of existence which are absolutely the anthesis of each other. But the lesson needed learning - I won't ever be in his company again and I have learnt definitely that Wetherby could never become a 'home' for me? Just too many folks I conflict with. And I wasn't going to drink yesterday, but it started with Old Peculier and declined into a bag of chilli Kabanos in the brewery and a tearful return to mum's to rip the tomatoes out of the pots he had provided. But, like everything which I ruminate on, it's meaningless. But trying to tell my brain at 2am is impossible as tinnitus seems to be higher in volume and my heart is pounding. Here I am again. Another reset. Monday morning. Archie is still by my side and I washed my soiled attire last night. I wasn't drunk at all, but the tension with Adrian. Why are we like this? Because we have nothing in common...

***

Start again Daniel. It's all you can ever do. This is the first day of carrying that rock up that treacherous mountain side. Monday was mundane and to be negotiated. Tuesday is here once more. Only 13 days left until I can, realistically, disappear again. Nick's third marriage is over he stayed in a hotel in H'gate last night. I didn't see anything of Adrian yesterday. Just getting ready for the pup walk...