A rebel without a clue.

Two hours at the allotment: it's waterlogged in places. I went in a bit deep in places. Fingers crossed that we have a drought until Autumn now! Enough rain for a year! Started forking the section by the gate: ideal for the early potatoes as it's been fallow 3 years: lots of dock, nettles and buttercups; and tons of worms. Heading back on the X98 to attend the alcohol counselling session with Forward Leeds at 15:30. I'm hungry so going to head to Manjit's Kitchen in Kirkgate. Changed out of my muddy boots. Taking them to the flat to clean and treat them. Ideally I'd like to change my track pants for a pair of shorts.  Next visit to the allotment on Wednesday as Andy's going up then too. The weekend looks good too. Mum's got an appointment date, 5th March, for her knee operation. Perhaps I could go away for a week prior to then as I'll probably be more necessary than I was prior? *** I am waiting in the Light Surgery for the alcohol counselling session an...

Those folks who are my friends don't really understand me at all. But do they need to? I felt barren again after they shot their opinions at me. Depression is something that other people do to me. They're the beings that undermine positivity. They're all around me, but I choose to listen to their angry words. And does it matter what they think and say? They've their own problems, which I have no concept of, to bring them down? 

Another windy night. I awoke and was unable to return to Lalaland, laying there I heard Adrian rage around 6 am, perhaps he couldn't sleep either. Sunday was a wash out. I walked Lola between downpours, but in the afternoon there was no such break. I don't want to drench her, and she gets a lot of exercise normally. Emma picked her up around 3 and she sat on Emma's back seat like a human staring out of the window - she loves journeys... Watched some very average Catherine Cookson drama, which was tediously long, and made more so by adverts every 14 minutes, with mother. She's addicted to those North Eastern clichéd narratives. But it helped see out the nasty wet Sunday. Stayed away from the Mews and BAE(Dark Hot Chocolate)for a day. Got Forward Leeds appointment this afternoon so this will be two dry days on the bounch. Spent £2 on bus fare. Waited 10 minutes for the bus at 8 am - it was pissing it down. Had scrambled eggs for breakfast and am considering a walk up to t...

Bumping into Holly, that's her name, who I met that Thursday early evening at North Bar, made the collosal crazy wet two hours between Scarcroft and The Lakeside in Roundhay Park worth it. That was the purpose of those 12 miles. She got on the 13A at Roundhay Road shops, next to KFC. Fate was the title of today's bus ticket and it was fate which brought her onto the bus. It took me some time to recognise her and I didn't know her name. Perhaps, if I see her again, I can ask her for her number? At the flat I changed out of the wet/damp items of clothes, as the cloud cover broke and blue sky peeped through, and put the hot water on. But it's very busy in Leeds Centre and I am consigned to the last bar stool in FOH. I am not going to stay longer than the half. There is a vibrancy to Leeds. But I might head away from it... The mission failed! Second half. But I am not bothered about more than a couple of halves. Tired. It was a tough last leg on this morning's walk. ......

Did I binge last night? I almost certainly had a hangover. Around 4:30am I came downstairs for a paracetamol and a glass of water. At around 6 the chirping of a bird brought me awake: the hangover had gone, but now I have a slight hole in my finances! It's so wreckless and puts me at odds with my aims. The aim I told myself in January. Meeting up with people up at the Brewery: hanging out with people I have nothing in common with and pretty much don't like! It's such a waste. Today I don't feel bad and the storm has blown away into the continent: there is blue sky and a gentle breeze. Can I stay sober until Forward Leeds meeting on Monday afternoon? Definitely! That's my mission. The allotment Sunday and walking today. No sense in crying over yesterday's mistake: something like that had to occur (it being Friday) and it's the first hangover since my birthday. Time to make breakfast: left over Dhal. Breakfast and put those meager asparagus seedlings in the sp...

Oh, it's wet outside! The rain against the windowsill woke me twice. Second time I got up! No hangover. Feel quite brightly this morning! Storm Eunice is outside, battering the tower block. This morning I was going to slow down and go to Wetherby a little later: allowing the rain to move away (if it can be encouraged)! In Our Time  features Romeo and Juliet , which is one of Shakespeare's plays which is obsessed about! Too much for me. The themes just don't appeal! Give me King Lear, any day, with its violence and insanity. *** So it's noon and it's chucking it down now. Lola and I enjoyed a sunny walk around The Ings before I was sent to collect groceries and post a trinket. After another dark chocolate, going through the motions, here we are in Bottle & Bean - half a pale ale. Beak Fable 5.5%. ... Walked Lola to my sister while the storm increased in volume. Now I'm having a couple of beers in Wetherby Brewery. Mild 3.6% average and Jet Black Ale porter. ....

Didn't drink on Wednesday. Spent £5 only! One way bus ticket and one Dark Chocolate drink at BAE. Came back to pick up Lola and then collect Finley from the back gates of Crossley Street School @ 3:15pm. It was wet and wild so we came straight back. Then watched a documentary about Moorish history of Spain. A simplified version of the work of Non Fiction I am currently working though: it said much the same with a very 'raunchy' Bethany Hughes - the Nigella Lawson of History Documentaries (who seemed to become more important than the subject matter in her later works) - When the Moors Ruled in Europe. .... But after working on the allotment I had a few beers! All below 5 and over several hours: 2 until 6, and I was on the bus for an hour. Between it I had another Dark Chocolate drink and a couple of meat pies. Counting them up this might be a binge? Pint and half before I took Lola home, two pints afterwards, bus X98 to Oakwood, then a bottle of a Dunkel and finally a Ossett...