A rebel without a clue.

Did I binge last night? I almost certainly had a hangover. Around 4:30am I came downstairs for a paracetamol and a glass of water. At around 6 the chirping of a bird brought me awake: the hangover had gone, but now I have a slight hole in my finances! It's so wreckless and puts me at odds with my aims. The aim I told myself in January. Meeting up with people up at the Brewery: hanging out with people I have nothing in common with and pretty much don't like! It's such a waste. Today I don't feel bad and the storm has blown away into the continent: there is blue sky and a gentle breeze. Can I stay sober until Forward Leeds meeting on Monday afternoon? Definitely! That's my mission. The allotment Sunday and walking today. No sense in crying over yesterday's mistake: something like that had to occur (it being Friday) and it's the first hangover since my birthday. Time to make breakfast: left over Dhal. Breakfast and put those meager asparagus seedlings in the sp...

Oh, it's wet outside! The rain against the windowsill woke me twice. Second time I got up! No hangover. Feel quite brightly this morning! Storm Eunice is outside, battering the tower block. This morning I was going to slow down and go to Wetherby a little later: allowing the rain to move away (if it can be encouraged)! In Our Time  features Romeo and Juliet , which is one of Shakespeare's plays which is obsessed about! Too much for me. The themes just don't appeal! Give me King Lear, any day, with its violence and insanity. *** So it's noon and it's chucking it down now. Lola and I enjoyed a sunny walk around The Ings before I was sent to collect groceries and post a trinket. After another dark chocolate, going through the motions, here we are in Bottle & Bean - half a pale ale. Beak Fable 5.5%. ... Walked Lola to my sister while the storm increased in volume. Now I'm having a couple of beers in Wetherby Brewery. Mild 3.6% average and Jet Black Ale porter. ....

Didn't drink on Wednesday. Spent £5 only! One way bus ticket and one Dark Chocolate drink at BAE. Came back to pick up Lola and then collect Finley from the back gates of Crossley Street School @ 3:15pm. It was wet and wild so we came straight back. Then watched a documentary about Moorish history of Spain. A simplified version of the work of Non Fiction I am currently working though: it said much the same with a very 'raunchy' Bethany Hughes - the Nigella Lawson of History Documentaries (who seemed to become more important than the subject matter in her later works) - When the Moors Ruled in Europe. .... But after working on the allotment I had a few beers! All below 5 and over several hours: 2 until 6, and I was on the bus for an hour. Between it I had another Dark Chocolate drink and a couple of meat pies. Counting them up this might be a binge? Pint and half before I took Lola home, two pints afterwards, bus X98 to Oakwood, then a bottle of a Dunkel and finally a Ossett...

To be unified. Perhaps the best thing to do is disband NATO? The closer we draw a line in the sand along the east/west frontier the less likely it is cooperation will occur. What was the fall of Communism for? Was it simply so the USA could spread it's devilish wings as shadow drapped on a land which isn't Western in any of its cultural or sociological scope, but gets paid to lean west? First beer - half an Anthology Oatmeal Stout (5.2%) at 13:20. Followed 15 minutes later by an Anthology Marlborough (5.2%). How am I feeling? Grateful for the 50 years in which I've been interested. The slings and arrows, etc, etc. The smell of Cheddar for a Croque Monsieur/English derivative. But I've got to return to COW for a pair of Combat Pants, which was seriously short on buttons, and I never return. It's a one-way street to nowhere. I've a pack of seed trays and a 25l bag of seed compost in the sack: it's time to set off some tomatoes at the flat. Using the LED lights...

Time is a great healer. It has been said. The things in the mind of the past dissolve like entropic decay. They collapse into more remote or closed off sections of the presence. Sometimes they appear again, especially in dreams or, for me, when I am walking. They appear bright as day to punish me and kick me. It's always been a surreal experience for me the way I can be walking, walking, walking and suddenly a memory of what someone did or said to attack me becomes the focal point, clear as day, which punishes me again and again. It's like someone, somewhere, is thinking negative thoughts about me right then and they spontaneously pop up in my head there, adding fear and doubt into my actions: a question of what it all means occurs to me then and I want to scream. ... Give thanks for life. Be thankful. Pay attention and be grateful. Life is difficult, but it is always worth carrying the cross. The cross is light.

We must remember what happened all those years ago and why, if it occurs again, there will be nothing left but piles of corpses and tattered rags degenerating in the erosions of time. Whatever we are for, if indeed there is any meaning to anything we do, surely those memories of past brutality (which still occur all around us) can stop us being so utterly pointless? There is a vulture circling overhead on the border between east and west waiting to pounce on chaos and further rip it to shreads, laughing and screeching, in the gutter in which we could lie. But, no, this cannot be! Remember the past, don't turn your back on the hideous things we did (and are still doing). History is a lesson poorly learnt. So we stand at yet another crossroads. Where untruth is spoken and broadcast between nation and individuals, people, families, friends and in ourselves which must be seen for the calamity it could become. Remember what happened last time Europe, and the world, descended into rivalr...

Monday morning, 7 am. Clouds rushing from West to East with some breaks in the monotony. Yesterday afternoon monotonous. I waited all morning for an 'out of hours' visit to sort the leak on the cistern/toilet which couldn't be fixed by him because the problem is the outlet rusting. He will feedback to Leeds City Council. And he couldn't fix the over flowing issue because he wasn't called out for that... So basically he put some 'tape' around the outlet pipe which has prevented a leak so far, but when I told him I'd still need to turn off the mains to stop the overflow - I am on a water meter and it's a waste of water - he didn't understand why... At least he came out ... But it's his job and I bet he gets paid loads extra to be on standby over a weekend? I find the service provided by Leeds City Council numbing. It's so hard to get a friendly voice at the end of the phone and the people who visit are sullen: it took ages to get beyond his...