A rebel without a clue.

I did a about turn on the threshold of Bar3, as I was about to leave because it's a tedious place, but a bit of skirt, or in this case faux wet leggings hugging a fine set of pins, and returned for a half of Leffe Blonde and to try to complete the current chapter of As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning ; I am easily pleased. The usual cluster of folks at the bar, with the addition of a forgotten dog; and there goes an old face: Richard Broadbent. There is little chance of completing the chapter. *** As the cork is degorged and the pitiful nonsensical mutterings of Andy, proprietor of Bottle & Bean, who complains that Wetherby Brew Co. copied his idea... Andy's establishment isn't original, why I had the same idea some 10 years before he existed in Wetherby, but I didn't have the finances. *** Heading back to Leeds on the blessed X98 after a lovely morning in Knaresborough, with Lola and Stephen, walking a little section of the Round before we had to turn back to ge...

Is this the last year of peace in Europe, ever? God it brings me down! Watching the news with my mother three times a day and then crap nonsense television about doing up crap to sell. It's so trivial that maybe a huge war might reignite passions which seem lacking around here. On Monday after the alcohol counselling I drank two 330ml of Orval and one Bad Seed pale pint. Today nothing. Two hot chocolate: so banal. But war... It's going to get bad with sanctions against Russia! Why is Russia willing to push the west this way? Is it some perceived weakness - but the German Chancellor just backed out of the gas pipeline. *** The sound of a Blackbird singing at dawn is the best sound to awaken to. The worst is the groaning of a cheap tart in the room next to me...  Foreign language syndrome ... From a stroke. To my right a flickering teatree light: quite vague and pretty meaningless, gutters all night long as if it is a prehistoric lamp. Surely the existence of these pseudo-candles...

The emptiness of Lola's belly. As she nods her head, under the blanket, and then stirs to look meaningfully in my direction I know that expression. Usually around half an hour after we've decamped from my room, after she's forced me to get dressed, get a coffee and join the day, she begins to get hunger restlessness. It's just hit 6 am and I expect around 6:15 this knowing glance will occur. If I ignore her then she'll yawn noisily, cry and, finally, crawl over to me and put her paws on chest while yawning and crying. She will not take no for an answer. Mum and Emma don't feed her until they get up, but Lola and I get up together around 5:30, as I prefer the mornings, and she's used to our differences *** Yesterday morning I got frustrated with Lola, twice, and I lashed out her! I felt terrible afterwards as I just don't lash out at her ever! True, she's got some terrible habits: getting into bins to scavenge titbits, knocking over bins to nose aroun...

Orval and Manchego go so well together. I've never had Orval cheese... It's unbelievable. I've had other Moines Fromage from all over the Francophile section of the Continent, which has drifted further away in the past two years, and I'll happily get to that corner of Belgique where Orval pervades (I was so close when I met Glenn in Reims and we sped passed Sedan and Verdun on our BlaBlaCar way to Metz and a wonderful French/German/Luxembourg luncheon). So you're not meant to eat the wax on cheese... I always do, except when it's truly obviously wax: Edam, Gouda or Leerdammer. Is it possible to imagine a life where there is nothing but walking in the hope of the salvation of work at the end of endless roads. Without a doubt this is my current occupation, but I am spared the crowds of destitute men who had nothing better to do than meander, sullen, lost and starving, in the 1930s: the destitute now inhabit the cities and their roads are restricted to the Green Be...

Two hours at the allotment: it's waterlogged in places. I went in a bit deep in places. Fingers crossed that we have a drought until Autumn now! Enough rain for a year! Started forking the section by the gate: ideal for the early potatoes as it's been fallow 3 years: lots of dock, nettles and buttercups; and tons of worms. Heading back on the X98 to attend the alcohol counselling session with Forward Leeds at 15:30. I'm hungry so going to head to Manjit's Kitchen in Kirkgate. Changed out of my muddy boots. Taking them to the flat to clean and treat them. Ideally I'd like to change my track pants for a pair of shorts.  Next visit to the allotment on Wednesday as Andy's going up then too. The weekend looks good too. Mum's got an appointment date, 5th March, for her knee operation. Perhaps I could go away for a week prior to then as I'll probably be more necessary than I was prior? *** I am waiting in the Light Surgery for the alcohol counselling session an...

Those folks who are my friends don't really understand me at all. But do they need to? I felt barren again after they shot their opinions at me. Depression is something that other people do to me. They're the beings that undermine positivity. They're all around me, but I choose to listen to their angry words. And does it matter what they think and say? They've their own problems, which I have no concept of, to bring them down? 

Another windy night. I awoke and was unable to return to Lalaland, laying there I heard Adrian rage around 6 am, perhaps he couldn't sleep either. Sunday was a wash out. I walked Lola between downpours, but in the afternoon there was no such break. I don't want to drench her, and she gets a lot of exercise normally. Emma picked her up around 3 and she sat on Emma's back seat like a human staring out of the window - she loves journeys... Watched some very average Catherine Cookson drama, which was tediously long, and made more so by adverts every 14 minutes, with mother. She's addicted to those North Eastern clichéd narratives. But it helped see out the nasty wet Sunday. Stayed away from the Mews and BAE(Dark Hot Chocolate)for a day. Got Forward Leeds appointment this afternoon so this will be two dry days on the bounch. Spent £2 on bus fare. Waited 10 minutes for the bus at 8 am - it was pissing it down. Had scrambled eggs for breakfast and am considering a walk up to t...