A rebel without a clue.

Are we joined, you and I? When I sit squished up, alongside thee, It seems we are: Dog and boy Man and mutt. A symbiosis between homo and canid, A combination of smells, swells and warmth, which is rarely malignant. What a lucky man I've been, knowing  She's going to rest assured and easy, These last many years, as we both Age gracefully and greying towards separation; where the winds blow us  Disparate, sometimes warm and often Cold, back to the single I; alas! No more the we. She of a gray face, And I an ashen shadow, But always brighter  Than a swarm of photons, Alighting a while, Out of their cosmic array...

Day two away in the North East. I forgot that the reason I pay my money to the inn keeper is to recover - £50 - to return to sanity for the next day. OK in Europe I can stay somewhere for much less than that, and indeed almost nothing with monks, nuns and priests, but I am sat pondering the day ahead in a hotel The Dunes  on South Parade, Whitley Bay, and recovered from the appallingly bad ex-YHA in Newcastle (Kabannas). Back to Newcastle for Thursday night and visited two bars. One in Gateshead near the High Level Bridge (Station East) and one below the Tyne Bridge (Crown Posada) and had an average Spanish tapas 'meal' before retiring to Sleeperz. I'd definitely visit Newcastle again. It's 15 years since Glenn and I got wasted there and 30 since I ran away from the end of my third year at the University of Northumbria - at the end of a really crappy year. Fortunately, the weather was good for those three days and I feel quite enlightened, enthusiastic, inspired. But no...

7am day two of 2025. Another day in Wetherby. Three days and two nights - including two days dog sitting Lola, but back to Leeds this evening and then what? Please I can't keep yo-yoing like I have for the past ten years. It's not enough. Wetherby is so minor and conservative in the scheme of things. It's a place creatures older than dinosaurs go to die. 6:15am day three of 2025. The Krackon awakes next door... I mean her not him: her voice carries like Adrian's never has! Lola is by my side. I stayed overnight as mum wants to go to Harrogate this morning to return a pair of pointless shoes and they're they're not winklepickers... Two days of walking as far as I felt capable around Wetherby. Two hours each time. The wet weather has gone and now we're in the grip of winter. I want to get away... No Lola by my side as she recovers the operation. *** Went to Hebden Bridge this weekend and walked to Hardcastle Crags on Saturday. On Sunday I had an adventure in t...

Off to see Lola, that lovely girl. She so wanted to go further than 15 minutes yesterday, but mum threatened that she'd never forgive me if I made Lola suffer - Lola was looking at me with that knowing look when she wants to take me through The Horsefair Centre... And she did. Only 20 minutes, but she wanted to hop much more... But I forced her back to 42 once more, then I hooked up with Andy and Ian; and I pondered my absence from the allotment... Andy indicated he was going to reroof the shed... Have I lost interest or is the pain in the foot too much for me to overcome? *** Seems I've lost the ability to convey my feelings in this journal? Something is playing havoc with my mind... Alcohol and doubt. Mainly doubt. Uncertainty is creeping where once I was without fear. Yesterday I ate wrong and drank wrong and felt claustrophobic amongst the masses as I brought out the lanyard I wear when feeling overwhelmed by people people people.... *** Camino Saturday. Breakfast and a cof...

And I am off to bed  To sleep alone Uninhabited, Apart from snores; And of snores I wish could repent. Those noises I cannot bear. Amongst her toes, I dare not touch, Is a space; beautiful, Which I dearly love! Appreciating what was full, But alas no more. But who am I to speak? In bad styles of no importance  Except when she's watching Between a few sounds real? So let those snores of hers Silence me And let her twitching toes Unravel me She's the finest I know.

Tuesday begins with a Lola package alongside me.  I dog sat her on Monday, while mother had a day in Harrogate (who I think needed a break from the seat opposite the TV) Lola had my undivided attention from 9am until I went to bed. Lola joined me a little later. I had an hour to myself from 11 and once more while mother resettled herself opposite the TV. It's 6am. ... Leaving Wetherby on the number 7. Which goes through Thorp Arch TE at this hour. Arriving in Boston Spa around 7:30am.  I considered the allotment this morning, but it's dank and wet so far so fuck it. ... Why do we constantly look back to a 'golden age' and hope to recreate it now? Why can't we see now? Why do we fixate on the past leading to a future when all there ever is is now? The power of now. If only it could be stepped into now now now ... I am planning to go to London on Friday - in the future, but I might die now. The end is always current. It is always now? When I am on the Camino I am now ...

Monday morning. IOT Cicero. Black beans in a pan. Been up and hour. But something is missing in me this morning... On Thursday I saw a reflection of the world outside on the curtains - like the back of the cave in Plato's allegory A fairly productive day. Reading reading reading. And not drinking drinking drinking. I finished with a Oatmilk Latte in Caffé Nero (which was a freebie) while the weather cleared away. It was a very blustery and wet day after I returned with Lola from the morning walk up to Deighton Bar. I returned the other volume of the series about Penelope while waiting for the bus back to Leeds (number 7 once more) to the Wetherby library. I am beginning to feel lonely though. I've rarely seen Lola since I noticed her injury to her poorly foot as mum wants to restrict her movements prior to returning to the vets to see what the problem actually is - she's on some prescription currently to reduce her anxiety and potentially some antibiotics? The love of my li...