A rebel without a clue.

Tuesday morning, 5:15am. Slept well, but stretched awake at 5am. I'd just toss and turn, which is pointless, so got up. Coffee brewing. Ruby decided that the bed was her final resting place after she'd gone outside for a barking session around midnight. Whatever it was she chased it into the night... 6am. Sunrise isn't until 7:45. Lola's at my sister's. Ruby's just had her breakfast. Desperate. Now asleep besides me... Put the dishes away and going to run a bath. There must be more I can do in the morning? Podcast finished. Coffee drunk... Now heading to the toilet. Lola seems distant. And I don't know if I am projecting that on her? She had a good morning with Ruby and I spent time with her alone too. She's passing through this life faster than I am and I hope she's enjoyed it? *** A nice morning up to the Copse, behind King's Meadow, where I sat in the sunshine with them both (while they mainly enjoyed the fresh wheat grass) and came back to Ch...

To live true and not doubt being oneself from every point in life. To trust that there is a higher level of Being which can be achieved and never question its means of taking me onwards. *** The day in-between. It's Saturday. And I have a focus. Not the blinded Thursday. Or the troubled Friday. When will I learn? When will I change? But our session was good in the morning of  Occupational Therapy... bonafide? Two days porridge. First you boil a kettle, then you soak the oats overnight in the boiled water, then you chuck in any amount of fruit, spices, etc., then you bring to the creamy simmer. Then you eat still warm, but not scoldingly hot alongside brewed coffee and then you switch off the podcast and turn to the journal before facing the door and the day. *** Leaving Leeds Station in the predawn; it was raining as I left Lovell Park Grange to walk down Albion Street to New Station Street and the main entrance to the Station: Manchester here I come; I hope it lives up to the hype...

Autumn has arrived. The rain is here. It's gray, dark and very somber. It's what it is. Apparently for a couple of weeks. Ruby's family have picked a great two weeks to not be here? Ruby is not keen on leaving her seat. And I can't hold it against her. 14 days from today I am ensconced up on Chestnut Avenue, which is a million times better than being ledged on the 11th floor of Lovell Park Grange?  *** Tuesday. The rain didn't hang on in Wetherby, luckily? And we did get a second walk. I took Lola food to mum's and then took Ruby through town. Another good hour. Her body language was mainly tired after Sunday's biggie. Back to normal this morning I suppose. And Lola too. I am hoping we have a sunny afternoon so I can look at the allotment... Which might get neglected once more now I have Ruby. *** Wednesday morning, I've settled in. Had a bath prior to bed. Ate a noodle soup at lunch and a pile of beans for tea. Ruby had a long morning with me and Lola. ...

I have to try and get out of the pit I have fallen into once more. Day one. Monday 29th July. Calm. Peaceful. No anger. No anxiety! Out the door once more. 6:20am. 6am day 5. Day 4 I had one too many in the sunshine. Day off Wetherby, until later. Allotment Saturday morning. Did a lot around mum's. Took Venlafaxine and turned in. Looking outside the patio door at the trimming I did on the chair. Clearing the heavy vine away: Clematis. Enjoying a coffee. It's a little cloudy with a breeze. Going to collect Lola around 8. Emma's working over the weekend. All will be well... Woozy night, stomach ache and a migraine. Changing medication. *** On the X99 this morning. Woke up at 4, rolled over until ten to 5. Had a bath and headed down to Boar Lane. 6:55am. *** Left the flat around 8am. Went to Caffé Nero before catching the bus up to the Woodhouse Medical Centre (it wasn't far) and I was an hour early, so I read a few chapters and relaxed in an armchair. Appointment at 10:10...

Things change. All things are constantly changing. As the dawn breaks (which it never does) over the day I am reminded no two moments are truly connected. Our perception links thinks together in what is seen as a gradual movement. Even evolution relies on mutation, which must be constant - if negligible - in our perceptional sense. The universe is changing constantly. *** I am a pilgrim. The penny dropped this morning. I was listening to an episode of In Our Time, the subject Medieval pilgrimage, and I saw that I am a modern day pilgrim. There is a spirit of pilgrimage which awoke in me when I first left Le Puy in May 2013. *** Two weeks since I left Limoges for Cahors. Only two weeks. It always seems forever when I am on el Camino. Yesterday I volunteered to help at the Practical Pilgrims Day in Manchester with Ultreia Mancunia on the 12th October which doing would give me a pilgrimage focus even when I am not on one? I feel I can give advice and support and anything else that might b...

I've reached my original destination. The lovely Condom in the rain - a soiled prophylactic. A wet Sunday afternoon in France in September... And I didn't get here in time for a Sunday lunch. But I've a demi Fischer and saucisson sec in the bar on the main square... And I am not drinking today? Laurent(Gîte le Relais Saint Jacques) is my host this evening - a non- communal/municipal/parish gîte. Private with a large and comfortable looking bed in the dormitory. Last night's bed was too short, with a very hard pillow and a haunting presence... It is done. I've got further than Cahors, on the GR65, at the second time of trying. To be honest the landscape after the Causses was very boring (maize, sunflowers, sorghum), muddy and up and down. It's a way, but it's just a little arbitrary at times as it connects 'interesting' places with nothing (and often not direct from a to b). Yesterday we were going south west then directly north to La Romieu... Which ...

Day four begins with me sat outside, in the cloisters, of the Salle á manger. The homme - Eric - in my room, a room with no name, sleeps very silently so I crept out. Quick venture down to le marchè then back on the le marche... 22 kilometres today. With no room at the inn? *** Following the couple ahead I am led to a deadend. A dyke overflowing. But I did see a path across some wasteland and then I had to vault over a steel barrier - breaking my personal best! In Auvillar the pizza guy thought I was talking to my wine, but it was originally talking to me! Honestly. Two whites and one rouge with a fine Neapolitan pizza. Only three; only ever three for repase a la midi. So I stop here. An amazing Mademoiselle from near to Albi keeps giving me almonds... Sarah... But she's well ahead now I guess? End of (only) day four. Possibly I will reach my first destination on Sunday? However I know 20 to 25 kilometres is definitely my limit now. Walking alongside the canal with the plane trees ...