since France.

Things change. All things are constantly changing. As the dawn breaks (which it never does) over the day I am reminded no two moments are truly connected. Our perception links thinks together in what is seen as a gradual movement. Even evolution relies on mutation, which must be constant - if negligible - in our perceptional sense. The universe is changing constantly.

***

I am a pilgrim. The penny dropped this morning. I was listening to an episode of In Our Time, the subject Medieval pilgrimage, and I saw that I am a modern day pilgrim. There is a spirit of pilgrimage which awoke in me when I first left Le Puy in May 2013.

***

Two weeks since I left Limoges for Cahors. Only two weeks. It always seems forever when I am on el Camino.

Yesterday I volunteered to help at the Practical Pilgrims Day in Manchester with Ultreia Mancunia on the 12th October which doing would give me a pilgrimage focus even when I am not on one? I feel I can give advice and support and anything else that might be of service? And I really want to do it from Saint Jean PDP if that was ever possible in my life?

***

Monday.

A good day. Had a good walk with Lola, spent a good few hours on the allotment and did the jobs mum wanted doing before I caught the X98 back to Leeds. Sat and watched the world go by before I came back and ate a hearty pasta dish, with yellow courgettes and tomatoes. I'd made the sauce on Sunday morning before I caught the bus over to Wetherby at 9am.

Tuesday 

Breakfast then a walk along the canal up to Horsforth, etc.?

There was a bright large full moon in the early evening.

Coming back from France happy as opposed to unhappy, which happened last time I attempted the GR65, is an amazing feeling. I'd begun to believe that el Camino was over for me. Forever. Full stop. It's such a good thing I didn't want to vanish - like so many of the things in my life I 'cherished'. In the past I've cherished strictly 'material' things - which was ok, but didn't really make me happy (just desperate). Selling vintage Adidas was interesting, doing wine events was amusing and creating good food was intriguing, but none of it was riveting. El Camino is so enthusing, enthralling, engrossing and captivating in the way it engenders the spirit in me. It brings me back to myself. It clears away all the unnecessary aspects of existence and reveals one pure reality.

***

Just been up the canal for two good hours before I couldn't walk any further in the walking boots which I am considering selling - they bring on the pain in the neuroma sooner than the sandals I've worn on the GR65 - and I caught the bus back to Leeds which is a painful place for me. But why do I find just being here painful? It's because I rarely speak to a soul... I am alone on these streets. And I spent a couple of hours suffering yesterday, at the end of a long day. This day is half through so there is no 'reason' for being here - hanging around waiting for the sun to set on another day?

***

It's all completely bonkers. It's meaningless. It's banal. It's not real. That's the problem. It undermines me. But I don't know why? It's nothing. It's unreal. How can it dislodge me so easily? It's a circus without a ringmaster and they're animals out of their pens. Everywhere I went the sounds of traffic, construction noise, music blasting out, people everywhere.

And so I returned to the flat. Made a nice lunch from scratch, wheat berries, fried onions, garlic , yellow courgettes, tomatoes, one teaspoon of Chinese spicy mushrooms and quality soy and mediated for an hour. Chilling out. Accepting the noisy comings and goings along North Street. And now I washed up.

The last day, afternoon, in Condom I did nothing. I didn't leave my room or bed until the following morning and I felt fine doing that just there. It's the same here, but I feel a subtle pull to return to the tangled streets, where dangers wait to pounce, because I am missing something? But I am missing nothing. There isn't anything outside myself. It's all in my head.

***

Wednesday.

A good night's sleep. Second mediation prior to washing up and putting the crockery away. Then bed around 7pm. I woke once in the morning to urinate and passed out once more until 5am. 

Episode of In Our Time about the nervous system. I've gone back a few years to find episodes I've not heard numerous times...

Had a good walk up to Ash Dale Lane with Lola. Lola found a backpack with a lunchbox, liquid container and lanyard in it, as well as something she scranned in a plastic bag... Ever the scavenger. Mum put it on Wby grumbler and the lad picked it up. Meet Ian and Andy, Christine and Merlin, at the Mews for a couple of hours. Got Emma to have Lola a second night so I didn't have to catch the bus back to Leeds. Mum opted for a Chinese from Mister Yiks.

***

Thursday.

IOT Age of the Universe... And Free Will?

Faith and reason. They clash. I don't trust enough and I am wary of logic and rationalism ... nothing adds up properly.

A good morning. Lola took me for a scavenging walk. A good hour. She decided she didn't want to go up Spofforth Hill... She thought that they'd be less 'tit-bits' that way for sure!

Three hours on the allotment. Lots of potatoes. Some cherry tomatoes are turning. and I think some others (blue coyote) are about to present.

As I was too early for the X98 I walked to Wby, had a coffee and got off on Boar Lane. An unappealing bear in FoH. A nice pizza, good beer and a chat with Carine in Tapped. And now I am on my fourth half. Two down in WCH. It's ok.

Brought back potatoes, tomatoes and some collard greens.

***

Friday. 

Awaiting a subcontractor of a subcontractor of Leeds City Council; Russian dolls, at 9am. An electrical test or some such.

Made a bubble and squeeze with the collard greens, potatoes, pinto beans, urid daal, salt, pepper and some of the Chinese spicy mushroom sauce.

Leaving the flat as I found it yesterday evening. Got back here at 7:30pm after an hour over three low alcohol halves in The Brunswick.

Had a good scrub, washed my clothes for the first time this week. Back to Wetherby later as mum's got a cold and Lola will need me... And a quiet night over there. Final day here tomorrow as I start with Ruby on Sunday for 16 days.

Leeds hasn't got to me, yet!

9:15am. The operative is late. I can't wait all morning for a brief electrical test... I am going to give them until 9:30am and then see you later?

***

I caught the X98 from Cross Stamford Street. Not hanging around all morning. It can wait until after Ruby.

Lola's had my attention all day. A walk up to auntie Wendy's and now I am perched on the bench outside BAE. Back into the routine. The couple next to me are boring. The comings and goings of crappy folks. I've moved to have my ears further away from them!

***

Saturday. It's a Sunday. The day prior to Ruby up on Chestnut Avenue. 16 days in Wetherby from Sunday. They're off to Crete... I had my first negative experience of Wetherby yesterday. I've only been back a little over a week. It wears me down. How do I stop it wearing me down?

Some gardener told me off for letting Lola walk on the flower beds... What a grouch?

***

Some three hours later I caught the noon X99 back to Leeds. I'd dropped a colossal sack of potatoes at Ruby's for the weeks ahead and headed passed Wetherby and it's banality. The was early and it's pretty empty, but cider Sue got on the bus. It's noon and she's slaughtered! 

***

There but for the grace of God go I?

***

Sunday came and went. Digital detox. Ruby had a long walk with Lola. I dropped Lola off. Took Ruby back then had an hour or so to myself before we both had our dinner

***