after Condom

I've reached my original destination. The lovely Condom in the rain - a soiled prophylactic. A wet Sunday afternoon in France in September... And I didn't get here in time for a Sunday lunch. But I've a demi Fischer and saucisson sec in the bar on the main square... And I am not drinking today?

Laurent(Gîte le Relais Saint Jacques) is my host this evening - a non- communal/municipal/parish gîte. Private with a large and comfortable looking bed in the dormitory. Last night's bed was too short, with a very hard pillow and a haunting presence...

It is done. I've got further than Cahors, on the GR65, at the second time of trying. To be honest the landscape after the Causses was very boring (maize, sunflowers, sorghum), muddy and up and down. It's a way, but it's just a little arbitrary at times as it connects 'interesting' places with nothing (and often not direct from a to b). Yesterday we were going south west then directly north to La Romieu... Which was simply a waste of time and effort, unless you want to visit every cathedral, church or collégiale(because they really matter)?

My opinion about churches, etc, is that I understand building them was an achievement, when most other buildings were wattle and daub, and the masons were very skilled to put such complex structures together for the beautification of 'the church' and it's idolatry, but they are nothing really. And my thoughts don't matter? 99.99 percent of all we chase for doesn't matter... And I don't see God or Christ within the structure - it all seems to be pointing at the incessant busy-ness of humanity and not the Source/Being for which I feel nature is all I require...

And now the promised rain begins. A dreary day dragging myself away from Le Chemin - perhaps forever in France? Am I bored of it now? The pain in my foot and the monotonous foot after foot tread, up and down, straight ahead or around a bend in the landscape, followed by sunflowers hanging their heads like very depressed pilgrims who will not catch my gaze. And I've come to the conclusion that the steroid injection didn't solve the pain... It must be bad? Or is it a combination of effects of the mind on the body?

Having a coffee, out of the rain, and then Sarah passes by so I can say Bon Chemin to her. Last night there was a bonnie Belgian shepherd dog called Milky in the gîte to say hello to. She was a little restless at 2am as perhaps I was in the land of snores? I had a nice breakfast in the bed & breakfast before I gave the cathedral the once over... And the expressionless statues of the four musketeers... The fifth musketeers was too tired to add his sword to that reunion; it's one of the first works of literature I ever read.

And now I am on platform 2 in le Gare de Agen heading to Bordeaux. By the time I reach Limoges on Wednesday I will have done an interesting circuit of this part of France? The halte jacquaire in Bordeaux is my first destination at nine on the clock face, if Cahors was at 3? Walking, buses, trains and planes... Do we ever stop to smell the flowers by the roadside?

***

The journey was over in a flash. That's how it seems whenever I get onboard public transport, or I hitch a ride, after waking el Camino for day after day. Then we get mightily uptight when the form of transport we take is late? We expect speed and to be on time? Being a pilgrim is like stepping outside the reality of the 21st century for a few hours a day when all we have is our own stamina and resilience to get us to our destination.

***

Tuesday morning. 7am. Time for breakfast. I've a train at 8:41am to Angoulême...(16€). A quick coffee in the Marché des Capucins, which is closed on Mondays. Stood on the platform as the Ouigo train carriage is tres chaud. The hosts last night got me accommodation in the Maison Diocésaine(25€). The return journey is eating into my remaining Euros...

Getting that early train from Bordeaux - which is too busy for me last night after the quiet of rural France - I arrived at the place that I am booked in for tonight (Maison Diocésaine, Angoulême) and it's in the cloisters looking towards the church opposite. Facing south I've the sunset to the west this evening behind the chapel and rising from the east in the morning; fingers crossed! Solace? Yup! The hostess got me in early too as I didn't know if I had the energy, after the preceding 9 days of not stopping, to hang around until 1630; and the tea and biscuits was a nice touch at 10am?

Meandering like a tourist around the ramparts and the old town. Walking slower but, ironically, my left foot is hurting already. Blue skies over Angoulême and some interesting backstreets where I didn't walk this morning. Having a couple of beers, but I will be back at the Maison Diocésaine by 6pm I feel. Watching the world go by. Trying to do my best... C'est la vie?

***

Wednesday morning,

It's almost over. Back to Limoges this morning?

In the end I returned to the accommodation before nine after returning to the old part for supper around 6. First time for a thoroughly vegetarian meal.

Walking back down off the ramparts it was utterly silent. No cars and no people. And I'd walked the entirety of the ramparts from the Halles to the Hotel de Ville: Angoulême sits proudly above the Charente, which I glimpsed between the buildings and which I will walk passed on my way to catch the bus later this morning?

Now I am sat by the window, drinking the remainder of a flask of cold chocolate, which I made in Bordeaux prior to departure from the Maison de Pelerin; waiting for the sun to rise before I depart for the bus 180 to Limoges.

***

Since I reached the Maison Diocésaine here in Limoges I've slept(16:30). It was a very long day. And it's rained almost since the bus left the curbside. I've come out for? I don't know why. Pretty exhausted once more. The two other pilgrims in the MD are having a rest day yesterday. I feel like once I reach the UK I'll do the same. Thursday night in my own bed. I cleaned the sheets prior to departure so I am guaranteed a perfect rest before Friday when I reconnect with our lass back in Wetherby? Oh Lola... Without you I am the owner of a lonely heart. It's 18:45 now and am not enjoying a final beer. Really all I need is a spoon to consume one of the two yogurts I purchased in Les Halles.

In the covered market I ate a handsome lunch from the chicken vendor. The sweet potato gratin was awesome... And those wines I chose went exceedingly well with it. Then I re-connected with Richard who runs the excellent Greenville Boutique (the second time I passed through here I slept on his floor).

Tomorrow is not today, but there is a small chance I go out to Oradour-sur-Glane. But only if the weather is not so autumnal and I can get back to the airport in time for that flight back to a clean, warm, comfortable bed and those lovely brown eyes... Oh Lola, I always give my true love to those other dogs I meet along the way, but they are not you with you particular manners and knowing gaze; I am always a little distracted and lost without you alongside me.

***

A cold start once more. Not the overcast morning of Wednesday, but the chill of Tuesday. I think there is plenty of blue sky, but it's still too early for the sun rise. Some dance music is filtering down from the floor above as I repack everything once more so I can go and decide if I venture out to Oradour-sur-Glane or not...

Just checking the timetable for the bus service out to Oradour-sur-Glane I notice there is a bus which gets there for 9am. That should be plenty of time for me? And I can get back to Limoges just prior to the bus which occasionally goes to the airport...

***

There are no words. I am grateful I just managed to catch the bus to the memorial. It was not a day wasted in Limoges waiting for the flight back.

All those present on this bus could have been those people. All gone. All up in smoke with a little ash as a residue of a life cut short by barbarism. Why? The world can never go back that way... But I shouldn't talk too soon as people don't remember; they go buzzing like a fridge to Ibiza, to drink themselves stupid, to forget something and I don't know what it is? I never did. This essence (this something) I've always lacked because I am different and now I have to be brave and accept myself.