A rebel without a clue.

Just after 7am. Spoke to Shiney - Alcohol Counsellor - about being unable to come up with a Goal. What I supposed she meant as a Life Goal - giving meaning to my existence - she actually meant just for the next 2 weeks between sessions. So banal and trivial. I'm not bothered about the small picture I am concerned with the totality: unless i don't have another Existential Crisis. I've told myself that my 50th year will be a year of change or it will be my last. There is nothing beyond the 2nd February 2023 for me if this year is the same, personally, warts and all, than the previous 10 years since I descended into this pitiful state. Isn't it pointless seeing a person who is only concerned for my next two weeks when I am concerned about the next two decades? 

My problems have been solved because I have no problems. A loving father welcomes his wayward son with open arms the moment the son decides to return to him. The Prodigal son... It's early. Too early really to go to catch the X98 at 6:30am? Nah it's fine. The sun has risen so on with the day. Frustratingly I have Archie as  well as Lola this week, until Thursday, as his owners are in the office and can't walk him. Archie has a problem with the base of his spine and I can't let him go gallivanting. Lola doesn't gallivant so that's easy.

No alcohol in my bloodstream. I had the insect itch last night - which might've been a consequence of working in mud most of the day... A quick flannel wash sent me to sleep surrounded by the pulsating of the heating, always on to keep mother warm next to the radiator, and the voices, music and general electrical energy pouring out of her TV screen from dawn until late. The end of my life will not be so final... Donc translates into 'so' from the French, an 'um' word, one which is like a pause, ('actually' being a current expression said too often). The German language has one would which is said pointlessly too, but I forgot it currently - it's just on the tip of my tongue (anyway)!

Good morning pigeons and rats who abound below my very feet, eleven storeys up and as I go to collect my way to Wetherby. What was meant to be an 8am bus journey is a 7am on instead. Slept well, washed waterproof in Nikwax technical wash along with the two Finisterre bamboo base layers. Reset for another 3 nights in Wetherby. Just Wednesday at my mum's and then two more at Ruby's dog sitting. Back to Leeds on Saturday afternoon. Watered the tomatoes and turned on the Full Spectrum LED from 5 am for 4 hours. The seedlings which are showing look OK? I will need to give them more compost on Saturday I am certain? Had just two Rauchbier yesterday early evening and a portion of chips with curry sauce. Now on the X99 with Pain aux raisin  and hot chocolate from Pret . I am an hour early.

A night occupied by memories of another Chemin Saint Jacques, from Dieppe to Châtellerault via Rouen, Évreux, Dreux, Chartres, Tours and Châteaudun in early March 2014... There is just one town where I slept in a damp bed in a house where it was very cold which I can't place in my head and a misty morning leaving Évreux, but the rest of the time it was fine walking weather. People were very helpful - I stayed in plenty of homes and a couple of monasteries and at least two hotels: Vendóme I arrived so late as I'd walked around 10 kilometres in the wrong direction westerly, towards Le Mans, when I should have been going south west ... The shadow I saw pointing east if I hadn't seen that I'd have had no chance! As it was I walked from a diner on the main road towards a "train station" where I was desperate not to miss the bus from it. I was so late arriving I had to check into a hotel... 

Friday morning. Up at 5am. No hangover. Just 4 beers. All around 4% Abv. Fine morning, except for the lice like people around the train station tainting the beautiful dawn with their low level needs. Some quite drunk man couldn't get it that I was not cold wearing shorts. This reminded me of walking through a town near Albacete in the same shorts in close to zero and a local asking me if I was British and Muy frío was his statement into the morning. Back to Wetherby on the X99 @ 7am. I was hoping to be 'late' this morning, but I am 'early' once more. The bus is fairly busy. Less so than the X98 at 7:30am and I wasn't keen to wait until the 8am bus.

Friday was a good day. Even with the ale in the afternoon, in Harrogate, and later on at the Brewery with Jason and Nick. Lola is asleep by my side now, having eaten her breakfast and been outside for her morning toilet. It's another blue sky day. A fine one. I am dropping Lola off at Emma's before I go to the allotment for a while. On Sunday I am thinking of walking back to Leeds via Meanwood Valley, through Harewood and Eccup. As today will be a steady one - no alcohol at all - this is a good idea. Yesterday, when walking Lola into Harrogate, my left foot was playing up again - very painful. Are my shoes too tight? Is there an issue with the insoles in the Altbergs? I've a fresh pair for France. I've not really worn the Scarpa pair more than a couple of times since purchasing them as replacements for the Altbergs. Last time in France I fell with the Altbergs on so am not wearing them where there may be risks... ... The same question - what is my Goal in li...