A rebel without a clue.

Dull this Thursday morning. At 5:30 am I rolled over, picked up the phone and switched it on - believing it to be earlier. Now I am considering running a bath and bathing this ape while Archie sleeps more. Just eaten the last of the porridge I made on Tuesday evening and had two coffees. Usual morning rituals: finishing off a podcast about cigarettes, smoking - Tobacco and Me in which I wonder at why some people have these kinds of meaningless crusades: people kill themselves a billion ways every day. In life we are also in death. If, in the 21st century, when we know all the damage 'things' do to us, we still kill ourselves faster, daily, what will ever change? Two nights of sobriety and I am righteous on my crusading while I sit and ponder the slowness of the water pressure in this abode... Free to do as we are told...

It's raining! And it's my sister's birthday 48 years old and doesn't look a day over 58... The lifestyle of the not so rich and not very famous? That's harsh Daniel... Happy birthday sister? But what is it that altered you so much into a stereotype? Age and circumstances. It's raining. A gentle rain it seems. *** Finally a proper dog walk. An hour and a half alongside Crowcroft Bank to Flintmill Grange and Spring Lane(back entrance to Wetherby Racecourse) and now both dogs are in post adventure sleepy mode. Lola and Archie had a zoomies/mad moment on one of the stubbly fields we passed through on our way to Flintmill Grange, but I had to slow Archie down and return him to the lead... His back end is too much of a concern - but he seems to have compensation for some definite weakness there...

A change in the weather: much cooler and therefore more liveable for the dogs. Archie has gone for his midday rest and I've begun another week of this: BAE and a chapter, a fresh orange juice and a chapter and then back for lunch? Three weeks left of this long summer in Wetherby? With the breeze comes another form of reprieve. Perhaps the cycles of heatwaves is over? But I think it'll be back at the end of August I predict... To get out of Wetherby! Wow. I forgot how much I like my own bed. The flat might be in an awful, messy section of the carbuncle which is Leeds, West Yorkshire, but it's my 'home'; being here for 5 years come October... Means something. Just to have a coffee around dawn as the sun rises in the east and I overlook the surrounding area... Now it's time to bathe and head back to Wetherby for a few more days... If the weather 'improves', ie gets cooler and wetter, then the dogs and I can do other stuff? No rain. Plenty of grey clouds and...

Three entire weeks left of Archie by my side on a morning. I don't know how others 'dog sit', but I actually sit by the side of him regularly and he always sits with me between dawn and walk. As he looks up at me in the morning, at the bottom of the bed, and I cuddle him closely, he seems genuinely happy with those huge eyes and as they glimmer. He has a tendency to go looking for a ball later on to give to me to play with: but that's an obsessive action which has become a part of his behaviour, and probably led to his back end paralysis issue which effects his gate. In Lola that aspect is absolutely devoid. She's also happy by my side for cuddles and kisses. And I rarely play ball. *** Yesterday was a day of tiredness and endurance. Finally at nine pm, after a final walk around the block, and as clouds increased in the west threatening to pour down into Yorkshire, I called Sunday complete and collapsed on the bed(not in it on this sultry day as the room at the top ...

So far so full/busy. From the moment I left the house with Archie at 6:40am and sat down to write this account at 12:45pm. Lola and Archie are both enthroned in their separate positions. Lola on the sofa and Archie in Lola's usual chair(don't let anyone know, though)! This morning I feel that another attempt to bridge a gap between Adrian and me has fallen into the ravine once more... He told me not to pick any of the tomatoes (I gave him) 'please'. They've turned into 'his' tomatoes rather than ones I nutured since February then gave him... Maybe I am misinterpreting his meaning, but at no point was I considering taking any of 'his' tomatoes even though I have tended to them ever since I gave them to him... He's often away for 2 weeks and they will die of thirst if this Summer of '20 continues along the same lines? At the allotment I watered everything and pruned a lot of courgettes and have dug up the vast majority of the Swift(or Rocket) f...

Finally, as my eyesight fails me, a book worthy of squinting in the badly lit space opposite the bar in Bar Three... East of Eden . And I've had to take my glasses off to see any of the too fine print in this dark chamber. It's a fine novel and reminds me of One Hundred Years of Solitude  for some obscure reason: I've been waiting a long time to delve into such a glorious scrap of paper... *** At 8pm I hung up Archies collar and lead on the floor. Having just had him out from 6 for a rough hour to the river, and it's human detritus, and back I thought he was looking at me(and letting of a little gas) because he needed yet another crap! So out we went to Sandringham Park field where he spent another few moments sniffing, licking and pissing on certain spots around the field,  like a notice board being read for every notification, before we climbed up the wooden hill to reach the sanctuary of the room at the top where the gassing continued while I faded into a good night...

Leeds is such a lonely city Bumper to bumper; stretching home. There they sit surrounded by walls Here I sit defined by brick and glass The lights switch on Pouring waves against The clashes in denial Unnatural and beyond me. They do this willingly? Everyday the gap grows And community shrinks Lungs fill up in a last choke Another puffs a cigarette Double destiny being such sorrow A way too dense to pull out Harming everything we ever had It is a picture of the end Days left spluttering, Cough and the life fades.