A rebel without a clue.

Beginning of day five and I'm awake by 5. Had an exceptional night's sleep, except for when I stretched into a full yawn and strained my tendon too much - if that is all it actually is? The pain in all of my arm has localised to a point below the shoulder socket: probably needs an X-ray? Suddenly I'm quite excited by the prospect of following the course of a well researched Roman Road. So few exist above modern roads or are no longer rights of way - as they pass under landowners fields. With a Franziskaner Kreuz around my neck I feel invincible as though it was a amulet with a protective power! Oh, the memories I have of other Camino where I wore it with pride. Although Francis of Assisi became incorporated into the Vatican I don't see that that prevents the simplicity of his original vision, which we very much need in the multiplex layered interleaved world where chaos seems to have us by the proverbials. It's only a wooden semi cross: more like a stylised 'T...

It's telling me to write. Indeed the voice is beckoning me to walk flee disappear. Live rough. Sleep in doorways and beg. Beg food and keep walking. Become homeless. As there is no inevitable end in sight with Leeds City Council and living in hope of a place in the same vicinity as my family what am I hanging on for? Sure I feel utterly meaningless on the eleventh floor, but I do have a roof over my head. Sure I hear the continual traffic noise - bins being emptied at Bagel Nash around five, deliveries being made to the same at another ridiculous hour, sirens from all along the arterial roads (leading up to Chapeltown, Scott Hall, Meanwood) deafening as they flash along Skinner Lane and turn along North Street, but I don't shiver against the lingering cold of a February morning. This is humanities disease: the insane hive. We are forever on our way nowhere to find where we belong. Such speed. Going places at all times. Creating destruction all along the byways and sowing our ...

Tonight I feel truly blessed indeed. Firstly, although I had to wait two hours for Brüder Johannes to return from his excursion with some of the clients, I had time to treat my boots prior to the long day tomorrow. Secondly he was very helpful and provided me with a clean, warm and spacious Brüderapartement - no 16 - where I had a shower (the first comprehensive cleanse since Saturday at Mike and Steffi's in Bad Vilbel. Thirdly he brought me some items for eating tomorrow - namely four eggs ready to boil and a bottle of the German equivalent of Supermalt called Kandi Malz. And, most importantly, he gave me a Franziskaner Kreuz, which I will wear with pride, as well as a blessing for my journey onwards - ulterïa - Gute Weg! So having a small supper, because the Kebap was massive, and having a quiet night in the quiet valley town of Rheinböllen before tomorrow I carry on on the Ansonius Weg towards Trier. If I keep the good vibes going, now I away from Frankfurt, Mainz and Bingen in ...

Yesterday, as I walked and walked and walked, my frustration mounted and was becoming despair as I reached Bingen the long way! Today I'm away from Rüdesheim, the Rhine, Hildegarde Von Bingen and have joined the Römer Straße towards Trier. No more wading through the Rhine by the Alt-Brücke. The means are always possible because I have no control so I must surrender. But what do I need to control? Be rudderless. Trust in The Way to find itself. Walk and be right there. Right here too. Don't allow any threat to breath toxicity where it has no power. Although this problem was inevitable, as I've struggled to just walk without background fears in Germany before, I was gullible enough to expect being this close to the French border they'd be more infrastructure. It's not possible. ... Nearing the end of the huge forest which has been my companion for more than an hour - perhaps two - passing power lines and a large network of turbines prior to following a str...

Two weeks today. I must remember it's only two weeks away. The time between is quite threatening, or is it? This time I want to do the whole distance: I absolutely have to. No thumbing, no buses and no rest days. But it's still only March. So what. Why should that matter? They'll be days of sun and other days. That's the way and I have no control. Where does this fear come from? It's surely a habit only; a regression to yesterday or a voice from the disappeared past?

Following the remains of the Roman wall, with the Rhine hidden to my right, I'm going fly straight as a skillfully thrown javelin towards Bingen today. The Jakobsweg in Mainz is very silly as it appears wriggle without getting free from Mainz for too long! This Jakobus Hessenische is not all that practical! I've decided to head due west, stay high above the Rhine, pass the Gutenberg University and head to Ingelheim am Rhein. ... The sun shining to my left offers me relief from negative mindgames as I stuggle to find another bed for the night! Blossom is spreading either side as I come down the Jakobsweg to the Rhine at Bingen. The Jugendherberge seems to be another expensive option and I wonder if this Pilgerweg really hasn't been backed up with any rational means of not becoming destitute on the Way! Pyramidal piles of stones on the roadside verges does suggest many walk through here, but perhaps it's 99% superannuated octogenarians only? ... Thank you Mark...

Arrived in the Jugendherberge around six, it's at least two kinds kilometres out of the centre back along the Rhine, and paid out from what the Monk gave me in the Karmelitekloster - leaving myself half again for eventualities to when leaving Mainz. At €40 for a room I guess it's not too bad for two people, even if I really feel like I'm back working at YHA Thameside with its layout and over sensitive extractor fans, otherwise for one it's so so expensive: there was again no expression, or sense of compassion, when I tried to get a reduction because I'm on the Jakobsweg. Some music started blaring out somewhere on the corridor (and I think someone was also singing along) around 5:30 and now I'm down in the lobby waiting for anyone to appear and give me coffee, with only another thirty minutes to wait. As a girl goes out for a cigarette and comes back in again I recall last night's dreams, which were both equally intense: the most perculiar was wh...