A rebel without a clue.

Another day where I just can't get into any aspect of it. Keep turning the cheek he says, but now being raw and nervy is the consequence. Take a deep breath and realise that there ain't any answer here worth any effort. The other Way is the only way and it is my only true purpose. More deep breaths as I've obstacles to overcome still. I had to cancel a doctor's appointment for this delivery, which again hasn't shown. And UPS are definitely making this experience pretty much zero. It would be infinitely better if I don't let the situation get to me - I've literally no control over their mistakes. But any it did give me the opportunity to clean the flat, pack away the microwave my mother wants and work out how to hang curtains! So it was actually a day and a half getting a very "homely" skill. A great idea came to me while I was having an early morning kip - I'd sprung awake at a little after 4 - to interweave two separate pairs of curtains to ma...

It's May Day; And is May out? The Mayflower sets sail, Looking over the fence, But not reaping. Wave upon crest, Uncertain of rest, Tossed into the ocean Turning over and over Balanced precarious Trip to, tip to, sway to! Chance, too many times Leading an inevitable wake. Frantically searching rhymes, In far off lands, To stand again on Terra Firma And scream back at the spume "You bounder, you cheat" May is not out.

Sobriety has called and I must answer. By Sunday I realised that I've technically been "on a bender" since arriving in Le Puy-en-Velay on Sunday 7th. It is true to say I've had days off alcohol during the intervening three weeks, but I have pushed back recovery from any long lasting fatigue and by Sunday 28th I knew I'd gone too far. Added to this feeling of overwhelmingly tiredness of body (but not of mind) my diet got a little too meaty all of a sudden. Veganism definitely makes no sense at all, so that's gone from my mind for ever, but vegetarianism for at least five days out of seven has to be brought back onto the agenda. Beans, legumes, lentils, greens, wholegrain, organic, live cultured, sour dough, unpasteurised, etc. Pre and Pro biotics. From Monday, and for at least a month, no alcohol will pass my lips which isn't with food and, ideally, getting to the last weekend of August/September would be a very sensible ideal. Me and sticking to principle...

Last night I awoke from another dream: I truly saw the darkness pervading from The Brunswick. My subconscious threw the majority of the Founders KBS 2016 onto their wooden floor and up the wall. As I really didn't know just how truly rotten Nick was, until I was presented with an array of vastly overpriced Belgian beer (obviously gotten suspiciously from a recently closed down beer shop) lined up guiltily in the fridge. It was around half eight and there was no one in the bar apart from the Sycophants who pressed around Nick like he's some Gangsta and this is his meatball diner. Dark ... Never again. Sam has an outer shell encased in tattoos, but somewhere beneath he has a soul. Nick may be a anthropomorphic hell? Or maybe, like Shelob, he prepares to pounce and vent venom and devour the helpless for all eternity? It made my skin crawl, and my disposition was to flee, so my subconscious threw the vile retch to his knees as polished the dark brew off of the wall and skirting boa...

Visit three. North Street Deli for an omelette and peppermint tea. And to try to get Jason along with me for a dog walk this morning: he's off to the Gym. No bother. Will see him later this afternoon. Naga chilli is the death of me. Purge. Dégorge. Dégustation. Old age? What is a dogs purpose? To leave us heart broken? Reeling from emotion. A long walk ahead of us. 3 hours and nine miles: she's a fantastic dog!

Curry dreams and other after effects. The strangest epic nightmare. And now the bodily consequences of a very hot Naga spiced mutton dish. By eck, they definitely like their curried delicacies very hot. The last time I had a curry quite so extreme was from Ali Raj in the 90s. The dream was a saga of getting home, which I finally managed as I woke sweating and desperate to hit the porcelain. Marcel Proust was the only way out of the dream. Bus, café, runaway bus, crashing through a barrier of a building(Victorian Infirmary) into an Egyptian/Sumerian ruin next to a river. Sideways sliding towards the Nile/Euphrates/Ganges/Indes, where it came to rest at the beginning of human recorded history. I was unscaithed but was lost in time having to return to the current over so many hurdles. In the end I'd been interviewed by the "east European" police as a witness to the original runaway bus, put back on the correct path (thinking there were simply too many routes to follow to ev...

It's definitely made me twitchy. Four days without coffee and now I know why it's such a bad idea on an empty stomach. How do I stop? Decaffeinated seems wrong. And a cup of tea isn't the same. Maybe the toast will help? Tattoos. I've never really understood them. Isn't it the same as self mutilation or self harming - by proxy obviously. To show an allegiance to some distinct brotherhood separated and special from the absolute Brotherhood. As an individual I dislike groups because that is another way we are divided. As an individual I feel more of the collective than I would as a special element of the minority. It's a paradox of my nature. Suits are the same, Levi's or Nike. Branded and separated. Yesterday a guy, and his wife, left The Bay Horse to drive away in his Ferrari. Fully chalked up in their own distinct "better" class of separateness. We'd both seen the same Escort MK2 RS2000, but, while I only saw a car I'd not seen since the ...