Before the break in France.

It will be three weeks this Thursday (20th February) since I was under the scalpel (or laser) of Adam Budgen at the Nuffield Hospital to remove what's been stopping my previous life (other than alcoholism) since COVID: a Morton's Neuroma. It's gone. I can't feel it anymore. The area around the operation is tender, etc., but I can't feel the alien body I could previously (at least since I struggled to Segovia in December 2022 having to walk through excruciating pain for 10 kilometres before any 'civilisation' was reached). Nothing nearly so obviously painful was stopping me walking over twenty kilometres in the morning and ten in the afternoon since I got used to blisters, knee swellings, leg pain or shoulder soreness (back in 2013) which really was helping me see clearly and happily within this structure I fail otherwise to inhabit.

I've just realised I can see through the gap between to the two toes where the operation has been. All the swelling has gone (the secondary infection in the skin is has virtually retreated too as I peeled it off).

Yesterday I walked back from the yearly potato fair @ The Holly Bush Centre, because it seemed there weren't many buses running down Kirkstall Road. I had three pints(4 halves and one pint) in Kirkstall Bridge Inn, The Cardigan Arms, Dave's Pie & Ale, Kirkstall Brewery Tap and Stick or Twist between noon and 5pm, when I arrived back at the flat. I made sure I rested the foot for a good half an hour to an hour each section (the longest being between the Brewery and Wetherspoons). I came back with five dozen seed potatoes. Mainly second earlies and one main crop.

In the Caffé Nero which occupies the old Nat West Bank (with Caterer written above the original doorway) as Sidney Street slithers into That Darcy, That Dancer, That Gentleman (already). Oh how I love the wit of J.P. Donleavy. It's Monday and I am spent up.

**

Tuesday came and went. I slept in after waking far too early. Still feeling pain in the left foot and exhausted. Went to Nuffield Hospital to have my third post operation treatment. I think it's on the way to being healed up?

Spent the afternoon with Lola on a nice walk amongst the three fields behind Barley Fields and Spofforth Hill. Chilled in the Cinema and S&C. Came back and made turmeric rice to go with the Chickens Tikka mum swears by from Aldi...

***

Friday.

It's this three weeks since the operation and I found myself forgetting the crutches yesterday... I popped up to the allotment to fetch these plant pots of Mo's and actually left my crutches propped up against the tomato structure I built last year...

The last couple of days came and went. I am solidly into JP Donleavy. A surprise yesterday. Two individuals bought me a beer each and one - Robert - gave me his other pair of Noise Cancelling headphones (Bose NC700)!!! So now I can sit alongside folks and hear them ranting and raving about zero (oh the war in The Ukraine) and all that smokescreen.

Back to Leeds shortly. Lola's pretty exhausted this afternoon. We had a good hour across the Ings and a bit of fun along the riverside (which has had some trees cut back to make access easier. Appointment at 3pm.

***

Mum fell over on Friday night. Broken her hip. Now she's recovering in Harrogate General Hospital where she's got low blood pressure and is in a great deal of pain. They're worried about her... She doesn't want any visitors either.

Yesterday I definitely over did the morning walk with Lola - the foot was very tender (painful) when I finally hobbled back to 42 with the withy I'd cut from up on The Glebe behind Chestnut Avenue. And I took the final stage very slowly.

Emma was insanely controlling yesterday. She reached a point when I want to tell her to leave me alone... I was thinking of saying it as she forced me to 'cancel' the Airbnb I was going to do for the incapacitated mother on Monday night... She has little idea I am at all capable of anything and it drives me bonkers.

***

Went and saw mum on Sunday morning, prior to catching the train to York from Harrogate, in ward Fountains at Harrogate General Hospital. Then, on a gray wet afternoon, I joined the other members of the Rosa Blanca in The Golden Ball Pub in the area behind Micklegate and wall to the south and before the Bonding Warehouse and the bridge leading to Cliffords Tower. Came back the same route as I went out. Had a couple of pints in Harrogate and caught the bus at 18:20... Long day. Slept well. Monday morning - washing once more. Lola's throws. Opportunities... How long will mum be away? I think I will be visiting her on Tuesday at some point (after the hospital appointment for myself at the Nuffield Hospital)? Podcast time.

***

5am Tuesday morning.

Yesterday I had had enough of Emma. Dictator. Telling what to do: pushing me so far into a corner that, like a snake, I bit her... Mother has broken her hip, but life goes on. Emma does not come first because she works or has a son. We all have needs. My needs are as important as she believes hers are. She was very very hard to get along with all weekend as she told me to do in this that or the other. And I struggled under the barrage of her demands: by Sunday I was fuming and on Monday the dam broke and I told her to fuck off with her controlling demands.  Mother has a broken hip, but our mother is resilient (she'll outlive both of us).

We're heading towards March and I am thinking of seeds. I know mum will be desperate to get into the greenhouse and I will be needed there. And I know my foot is mending so I want to head to the allotment to start some peas and beans too.

***

Four weeks today since the operation - Thursday 27th February. Lola is tucked between my legs, keeping us warm as I see blue skies peeking through the window panes. It's cold, but fine. Lola stayed in her own bed until 6am when I woke her up! Most excellent. I had an awful headache, cold sweats and forced myself to be sick around midnight (cauliflower cheese?) took some ibuprofen and also slept until 6am. Now I drink coffee and think of a fantastic day ahead with my mate.

***

28th Feb. I want to go to the allotment... But it's not possible. I've just replaced the bandage which the hospital put on on Tuesday. I thought it was going to be 'healed' but it's still healing. Only a week to go until I head to France... I've been eating well. And had a lot of protein (more than I normally do) in the hope it will help build scar tissue. Lola's asleep. She was a little restless last night. The previous night she slept in her own bed, but last night she wanted to stay warm with me... She's had her breakfast, been to do her toilet and is now back asleep. 6am. Podcast...

***

Been a bit preoccupied for the past few days. It's now 3rd of March and mum's hoping to be back this afternoon... Thankfully. A house is not a home without the family in it. Lola's great, but we can't get a two way conversation going unless she's pushing me to get her breakfast ready or lunch or supper. Yesterday she had a quiet time with me in The Mews. I had some red wine to go with the Chicken Provençal I baked for Lola and myself and I had a few glasses in town and then some superior crackers and a superior french cheese while watching an episode of Digging for Britain. A house is cosy with everyone in it, in the specific chairs...

***

Very busy - frantically so - all day Tuesday, but I got through it and finally relaxed around 6pm with a bowl of pasta and sauce. Good news about the wound as I don't need more surgery to correct the situation as it appears to be fixing itself - I have been eating protein a lot. Lola had a visit from me and was actually very chilled out at Emma's and Emma finished work earlier so she wasn't alone so long. But she's nearly 10 and was very tired on Monday night apparently (she had three walks with me, including the short hop up to Emma's in Sandbeck. Awake at 4am. No birdsong, no traffic, no wind - but awake. Sat alone reading about REE ... Tom was right! All wars are about resources and control of for the Exchange Markets... Humans do not matter as long as Cain gets going digging up the matter to build our towers reaching to the universe.

7:50am. Easy listening in The North Street Deli ... Robert really helped bring me out of the doldrums. He saw I was in a foul mood... I probably was. I was a little overwhelmed on Tuesday (which meant I was restless) which meant my brain turned over all the dead ends I was facing... Being forced in to a maze without a way out; and I long to fly.

Thursday's here. Yesterday was intense, but easier than Tuesday. Mum came downstairs and was getting around - on her Zimmer frame - while I brought Lola away from Emma's to see mum(she cried), have a walk, see mum and return to Emma's (where she chilled out in the sunshine by the patio door). Lola's easy. She likes to visit BAE, Wetherby Cunema and the Mews. She's not being as difficult around other dogs. She's probably too old to bark and be aggressive/defensive (unless she meets her nemesis). Allotment this morning. Lola around lunchtime. But first a podcast.

***

Mum had a life changing injury, but went back to the nothing which she does... I do not want to get like that. It's meaningless. TV, cups of tea, slice of toast for breakfast, lunch and TV dinner. News morning, noon, evening and night... Doom doom doom...