2nd April to 7th.

After Easter Tuesday,

It's foggy. I slept through until 7:30am. Got up just once during the night for a visit and across the back along York Street a fire engine and a thick fog. Made the bed. Chilling. Coffee. It's 7:45. Bin men are operating; pressed against the windowpanes.

Washed and heading to the allotment. 8:45am.

Back from a lot of work on the allotment, lunch and then Lola. Got my stuff together and caught the number 7.

... And guess what - back to the flat directly from the No.7 kbus. First time for two weeks I've managed not to via into a pub. Can I manage 3 days?

Nice bowl of rice and beans, 2 chillies, a bunch of spring onions, five cloves of garlic, a little masala and a little mixed spice and Marigold's veg stock. Simple. Washed clothes. 20:30pm chapter 8: the journey back.

***

Wednesday,

I appear to be fully rested at 5:30am(in old currency 4:30am) and I didn't retire until around nine last night after several sections of chapter 8. Returning to the Text of ACIM was a good idea, which has followed the conversation I had with Robert last month. I am still occupied throughout the day on the Lessons and the other things, but I've added it back into the meditation periods - which I found very useful when I first discovered it.

It's up to me to get out of the hole I've been digging for myself? It's obvious I've been listening to the wrong voice in the the dualistic system... And for too long. Prior to 2020 I was stepping away from the ledge, but now I've put myself back on the precipice staring into the pointless abyss.

Just after 8am and I am alongside a parked up delivery truck, with a fire alarm wailing across the road on New Station Street with the general hubbub of work o'clock where I figure everyone swarms because it turns them on?

Just about in Wetherby. A bus broke down. But I'll still be with Lola by 10(9 in old money).

Did a good hour around Wetherby with Lola. Had a good hm tomato soup and chilled for 30 minutes. Hopped on the X98. Back to Leeds. And continue the detox. Call from FL at 3:30pm.

Another questionnaire and another appointment 15th April. In Seacroft. Quiet Wednesday (which I was convinced was Thursday and convinced the Engineer, who visited to check on the boiler, that it was Thursday too).

Definitely feeling alcohol withdrawal yesterday. And finding sleep was difficult.

***

Thursday,

No coffee this morning. I had already run out and 'forgot' to buy any prior to catching the bus. And I had very little intention of leaving the flat. Tea and hibiscus... Back to podcasts. Free Thinking - Pranks, Matthew Sweet: who is beginning to get on my nerves slightly! 

Collecting my thoughts. Another day to step back from the ledge. Everything I need is within myself: there is nothing outside which makes any difference. Accepting myself is a hard task.

...

Walked down to the bus stop on Boar Lane. The X99 now goes at 6:55am... I am sure it used to depart at 7am(which is more 'logical')?

2nd beer. Half in Brownhill and a third in FoH (£7!) gone are the days of reasonable prices on anything? Across to North Star for a nice single origin coffee £15. Bought sauerkraut, rye and wheat bread and kombucha from Out of This World (£7)! The luxury/ expense of this Thursday shouldn't be underestimated?

A half in Bundobust. A half in Tapped. Conversations in each - little ones. Hattie and Lloyd. Carine. Briony and Richard. Tyler. Bog stories: me falling (or being sucked into) a bog on the Pennine Way.

Whether to meat or not to meat. Pizza here smells lovely. But I might need money for a trip away this weekend... But it's school holidays ...

NB on bottle of Orval and one Rauchbier. Done. Not drunk. The forth day was too much for me as I had nothing to focus on (no Lola, too wet for allotment) but I still potted on some of the items growing in the flat in mum's greenhouse house yesterday morning, dropped off some runner beans for Andy and dropped off the container of chicken mature.

I think Thursday was a success. Dermot, from Preston in Oakwood, is now the GM in NB. A nice guy to have a chilled conversation with. Dangerous Kevin was still at it in NB, but I just waved, nodded my head and said hello.

***

Friday,

I was listening to the rain against the window sill last night around midnight; we don't need any more rain ... Rhetorical question! Enjoying the coffee I prepared last night. Washing all my bedding, except the mattress protector, including the thin under duvet I use for additional support. I dreamt.

Iskra sent me images of Archie's dinner. Looks nice: chicken, carrots and eggs. He has his first chemotherapy treatment this morning... I have my fingers crossed and Lola has her claws... Seeing Lola this morning and staying in Wetherby this evening.

I think my MoJo just came back... Happy. I don't need to be drunk to feel at ease. And I have turned my attention to the path forward not the past, which doesn't exist.

Down to the Ings, via Micklethwaite with Lola. A good hour. Archie has gone in for his treatment...

Allotment until just gone 2. Nearly dug the entirety of the allotment now... Still very boggy with the continued rain. Warmer afternoon... Coffee. Half in Bar3, half in B&B and pint of XB in The Mews. Fish & Chips at just before five for mum, Lola and I. Walked Lola back to Emma's, pint and a half of Wetherby Brew Co. 3.4% mild and back to mow the lawn, have a shower and enjoy a bottle of Orval with the fantastic Ask the Fellows Who Cut The Hay for the second time and suddenly I am back at the Ship(Sheep) Inn in Blaxhall again - having worked at the YHA briefly during the very damp 2007 - near Snape Maltings, Orford Ness and Woodbridge.

Saturday,

Listening to the rain against the windowsill again... Considering a walk back towards Leeds if I can get my head around the boggy conditions everywhere. Coffee time at 6:45. More In Our Time? No! Not today. Text tennis with Glenn is more fun?

Walk away. Oh the Stoney and the Tony of Wetherby. Johnson's, bananas, being asked how long it would take me to reach Leeds Road around Kirkby Overblow... I don't know!

Up to Tripp Lane. Along to Wood Hall where it's so close - warm and heavy like a velvet curtain washed and hung out to dry... Dripping on the damp earth. And £6 for an espresso... Handpicked Hotels or Hand ripped off...

There is a suggestion of blue bells in Old Wives Wood as I consume a cinnamon swirl to breakfast as the wind picks up...

At 1pm I am on Harrogate Road, having caught the 36 in Spacey Houses, a half of Sputnik. The way between Kirkby Overblow and there was through fields of filth... Had to stop in The Shoulder of Mutton as the left foot was playing up... Socks off

...

And it's very windy and I am still dirty... No hot water in the flat. Back to the flat at 5:30. Supper of left overs and a lot of yogurt... 11 miles in 3'30"

***

Sunday,

The sun is shining pouring over the horizon as I wash some items on a short cycle and consider heading to the Dales on the bus... Around 9... The allotment is not going anywhere and I've 4 weeks from Monday to work on it once more...

Coffee and Free Thinking (Hobbes and the social contract). 6:45am.

But then the clouds gathered and it was bloody freezing in the gale walking down to Boar Lane at 8:30am. No chance of The Dales... It's just too damp. And I made an effort to re-treat the boots. Over to Wetherby and Lola. An hour and a half - up to Deighton Bar, up to Spofforth Hill, through Shaw Barn Lane and along to Raby Park for a few minutes together... Then shopping for bits and then another 30 minutes. Lola is hoping there is more food... But she knows it's tomorrow now. Picking her up at 8am as mum has got John Kettle from 9:30am. The boiler will have to wait? Saw David with Archie this morning. Gave him some loving and promised I would be available at any point if he needs me. I can always put Le Puy-en-Velay on hold... It's still only April. And the weather isn't exactly Spring here and the Aubrac could be similar...