How things are...

Monday morning and I am low. How do I rise above this feeling? Things which occurred, which I feel irresponsible for, are playing heavily on my mind.

As a consequence of not qualify for PIP I am almost recoiling, or is it uncoiling, in my mind. Seeing no way forward which isn't just one more pointless task trying to keep rolling the ball up that hill.

Being on benefits is very hard to make ends meet, anyway, and when that income is halved due to the point scoring system, which accumulates to say this person gets PIP, but has no actual criteria purely for mental health issues (anxiety, depression, phobia, etc).

I haven't seen the letter which gives me the option of a second opinion, before heading along the long road to the tribunal, but last time I didn't score on managing my life in the flat.

Since moving to the flat in 2015 I have never decorated it. It's got exactly the furnishings that were already in place and the sofa emmanus provided, the washing machine Robert bought me, the oven Leeds City Council provided, the bed mother gave me and the stuttering bundle of clothes, records and whatnots that are my accretion disk for 51 years of revolutions around the surface of planet Earth.

In August I was due one PIP, three ESAs - including disability premiums - and one dog sitting for Ruby so was about to clear at least one of the credit card debts that have been ballooning since January... Now I be lucky if I can afford to pay back mother who I owe £300.

I guess I counted my chickens before they hatched and reaped the consequences - I am staring at a mountain of debt once more...