Sunday morning - another chance to get it 100%

My soul is dying. The moment I had when I felt I was understanding something real is vanishing and I don't know how to stop it popping off.

Yesterday went wrong, again, what should've been a wonderful day of oneness with Lola - 100% - was ensnared by the rottenness at my core.

And I am utterly sick of myself. There was some nice moments, true, but I went down that bad path once more.

Now I am quite concerned that I'll never really be free of debt because I am a weak man. Full of flaws. The money I needn't have spent on beer. I have a roof, food, bed, allotment and Lola that's surely more than enough?

Sitting down to another 2 cups of coffee on another Sunday, full of regrets. Pissed off with what people did, how they reacted to my ways and the feeling I really wasn't wanted in the brewery or in Wetherby.

Let's start again. It's Sunday and I've everything I could ever need laid on my knee, under the covers, on the sofa so nice and toasty. It's too early for breakfast though Miss...

Is being in debt a bad thing? Most of my friends have mortgages and loans, and multiple credit cards?

...

I am staring at a brick wall again. Lola had her breakfast - she got desperate, crawling all over me. Perhaps I can learn from yesterday: the Brewery is bad for me and Wetherby on an evening is bad for me. Cheese wakes me up and keeps me awake.

Today I am going to give it 100% good... No worrying about what I did wrong. I will get this day right. Lola and I will walk around 8. It's perhaps a little too cold to have her at the allotment, so I'll go up there afterwards for a little or I leave it until Monday? No she will be fine here for a couple of hours while I prep more areas? It's still a little cold for potatoes and other items.