February 2nd

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I've had humanistic person centred counselling on a Saturday morning for a number of months. This combined with a daily intake of antidepressants, regular walks with our dog, a better diet, less alcohol and regular observance of mindfulness, meditation and A Course In Miracles has made me realise I've been denying my truth all my adult life, and quite a lot of the preceding years, but now I am trying to see my life for the opportunity it is. Not to look to the past for answers I have never found, only more questions. Something wonderful is becoming clear and it has made me reevaluate all the self doubt and guilt I have carried as a misperception of my lack of worth to everyone I have ever known. My sense of being wrong, inferior, weird, odd, bizarre, contradictory to every one who stood over me and called me thus! It was never true. How many years was I going to try to be the other lie? Not forever and now, thankfully, because I have the time to get my self back to where I was meant to be, I am going elsewhere before anyone forces me back into the straightjacket of being normal.

And I am yet to see Stars Wars part seven. And perhaps I never will?

Happy Birthday you silly person. Time to go on another walk. Ceaseless is our girl.

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