Morning blue sky souk; all change: afternoon sulk and early evening soak.

Walking around Sarajevo early, just passed six, the sun is just reaching the souk area. I am running low on atire suitable for this weather - the short shorts and Canadian Speedos.

Life is such an unexpected beauty, but why is it so thoughtless, short and painful? Why would anything come into existence but only glimpse a fleeting moment of love? There is a huge error I am sure. A girl's dog, someone on Instagram, was destroyed by a poisoner: isn't that the ultimate low level act of a human? Killing is so cheap ... In Srebrenica the same evil was metered out to the Bosniaks, but at least we can speak up or speak out from our place - maybe other humans will respond to our destitution - animals place trust in us but what do we do?

Franck espresso. Sarachi. What kind of arsehole chants at 7 am. Passers by, seldom though they are, look this way: it wasn't me breaking the solace. I think there is a bakery near by? Flat breads?

Breakfast, back to bed. Body exceptionally tired. No spontaneity. Wait until the next room becomes free. Perhaps this room will be darker than the previous one?

Two girls - mid twenties - conspired with each other in knowing glances: what had I done? Was it my age - that was the only question they asked me. What is wrong with 43? What goes on in their heads? Unnecessary paranoia. Leave them to their coven I am moving into room 102. Just one window. No twentysomething's? There are a few Japanese and Koreans here in Sarajevo: what is their motivation? Genocide, war, intolerance? New room, new bed 8. Better. Must go for a walk before I fall into a negative ruminating trap.

...

Uncertainty. North to Zagreb, northwest to Bihac or west to Split. After two coffees, begging to wash my clothes to the laughing negating proprietor and a lengthy shower to wash my smalls I've decided back towards Split for Wednesday night - it can't be as bad as Dubrovnik as there is some escape from Diocletian's Palace, and the markets there are good. It is a Wednesday night in May so perhaps it's no trauma being in amongst the US, Japanese, British zombie flesh eating tourists? Trogir! Another Sibenik, but would be better than returning to Split no repeating myself.

I really want to smack the floor in rage, like a primate I need to vent my frustration on an inanimate form. I've had to drop to 100mg every two days of antiDs and this may be causing a drop in my mood, but it might equally be because I've walked a lot in fairly warm tempartures, had a couple of long bus journeys and a couple of faulty nights sleep: first two nights of the hubbub in Dubrovnik and last night I chose a room with two twenty years olds coming in late and took the only bed right next to the street lighting. A thought came to me: melatonin. Success. Self medication and ticketed paid for Split at 10am Wednesday. It is three, humid and cloudy, but there are crowds and crowds ploughing through the square in front of the Cathedral. Close the windows and introduce a bit of cooler air while the melatonin injects me with sensibilities.

...

That incident in 1914. The bridge where the culprit stood. Such a dark history in Sarajevo: breaking away from Ottoman sultans and Austrian absolute monarchs is in the interests of many, but the many were trapped by orders to the front, sending on the regulars, calling up the reserves and conscripting the rest because one archduke was shot for maintaining the elite status quo. Now the animal set forth in 1914 carries on ruthlessly in every corner of the weary globe.

Rain, thunderstorms and buckets of rain, the streets have cleared, there is still the sound of laughter, conversation and music drifting up from the main thoroughfare, but now I can clearly hear sparrows chattering in the tree opposite the Cathedral. The rain stills enough to leave and spend the little Marka I've left; back to Kuna on Wednesday. Chicken liver pate, cream cheese, yogurt and another somun: a bad diet. Camomile tea. Tomorrow only fruit and water!

...

At Yalta Churchill agreed, in accord with Roosevelt and Stalin, to the forced repatriation of those escaping communism, Stalin and Tito, many of whom where executed! This fact was hidden by the official secrets act for fifty(50) years. It has implications to what occurred in Yugoslavia in the nineties too. That Iron Curtain talk was something Churchill helped to render a reality by signing up to Stalin's demands.

" In May 1945, after the victory of Tito’s Partisans, thousands of unarmed soldiers of the WWII Independent State of Croatia and civilians, with women and children and the aged, had walked on foot the great distance, and often rugged terrain on the way to Bleiburg Austria, in order to seek refugee status in the West. Communism was not what they subscribed to. However, they were returned and handed over by British forces to the Yugoslav Communist authorities and hundreds of thousands were killed during death marches on their way back to Yugoslavia, while some were killed by the Partisans without trial in the Bleiburg field." CROATIA, THE WAR, AND THE FUTURE, INA VUKIC.