Truth

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https://www.evernote.com/shard/s315/sh/8e1798fd-6141-4805-ae93-e717caa97f96/dcffa282180a2357d48fb9f5bbc98db5

Truth: I must escape this Hell. It is rotten and has no salvation in it for me. In the summer I set off looking for the essence of truth and to be free of the pain I've carried around ever since I can recall. Something tells me I am very well and I am resolved out of the past and its fear, but I am not sure this 'human' world was ever right for me. It lost me as soon as I was given immunisation, went to school, was uniformed, tied, forced to write words from letters fixed, bound to be flogged for 'the minimum wage' by those who would forever fail to see.

In the past I really thought I was in error or something was corrupt in me. This was never true. The world is beauty, people are cruel and seem beyond my help so I must return to Eden and leave humanity to its sinfulness. Can I join a cloister and forgive what creates so much pain? In honesty I need a way out of this disunity and discord, but for all the reading and openness I am becoming disillusioned with all the aspects of their existence. For years I saw myself as 'not' of this world. Truth has suggested I am this world and the hurt is the 'not'. They are my ego. You all are my disease and you brandish insanity as reality, love and gain: we can not gain through any token of our slavery.

There is no salvation from hatred, false love or projecting our meaningless creation; I really don't dream of idols.

Today I literally recoiled in shock at what I have been accepting as a reality, again.

There is nothing left here that will ever have the meaning I was taught to believe.

While walking the dog on Sunday I felt tranquillity and Oneness I'd simply been blindfold and was at ease. There is no returning to a blank mask while I am present.

(I returned to the same spot on the Wetherby Ings but the A1 is still in the air disturbing the simple solace; a light plane drifts through the clouds; boys and fathers urge a ball forward. Bird song still sounds on the placid river.)

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