The Story of Me. II

I got off the bus once the traffic slowed to a stand still. We had only come as far as Bardsey and I felt I would be here on the A58 for hours yet. I had to be at work for 2pm at Coors in Headingley for my evening shift. I called ahead to explain that I was going to be late. It was a pleasant afternoon at the end of August so I jumped off the bus and I walked all the way to the Oakwood Clock so as to catch a 12, 13 or 13A into town. It was the first time I had ever walked most of the route to Leeds. This was before Snoopy came along in the early noughties. I knew I had a short time back at Coors before I wouldn't return; I would leave Coors tearful as half of me was going to miss those I worked with. This was either 2003 or 2004 and I had started counselling with a lady called Jean Booth. I used to go to her house in Oakwood every week. It was useful to talk to her. I was referred to her through occupational health whom Coors had onsite. I would get breathless, I had trouble walking towards the bus stop next to Coors. I thought I had bronchitis or asthma. I had tests at the doctor. It was the first time I ever felt frail. The feeling was there from Winter and Spring 2004. Some days I couldn't get out of bed. I drank too much. I used an inhalor with GPs advice. But it turns out it was the job that was making me ill. Compounded with personal grief, confusion, anger, etc. I didn't know what I was thinking. The call centre environment wasn't doing me any favours. My life crashed. Luckily I managed to get on a government A4E course that secured me a place to explore for a few months. I qualified the CompTIA + course and, because I hadn't worked out that call centres were getting to me, I sought another role as a first line technical support over in Wakefield. That long walk was refreshing and made me feel there was more to life in my legs. I have never driven, but I rarely walked anywhere. I was fat. Size 38 waist. I looked dreadful. I started getting deep bags under my eyes. Getting good country air into my lungs was invigorating. The queue along the A58 was caused by the traffic for the Leeds Festival. I made it to work for three that afternoon. I felt good at work for a change. Walking is great for clearing the head. Walk strong and walk with purpose. Don't hang about. Paul always walked very fast while I was too heavy and my breathing was laboured. I couldn't keep up. I think Paul tolerated me too much. I was pretty useless as a mate. I once told him that I didn't trust him. I think I meant I never trusted anyone, but it sounded like I was being rude towards a long and strong relationship. It was cowardly of me to not see the Sonship in him. When I returned from France I shared part of my journey back up to York with a girl from California. Once we left London she just couldn't grasp how green England was. It was a truly deep 'seeing' for her. On this day that August those trees I passed were bursting with the glaring of higher frequency greens. The smell of summer was still present. It was nice to know I knew some simple truth. All I needed was love.