The Ghost part 19 (Champion the Wonder Horse)
No idea what was happening on Monday to make me feel so panicked. I told Matt at North I was sinking into bad depression.
There is numerous separate problems that spread from Monday to Friday that are pushing me closer to alcohol oblivion at the weekend.
A job, a calm peaceful flat, something else in leeds, money and some mental relief.
Took to bed at 11:30 last night having taken beta blockers and Kalms. Unwound until around 12:30, but even with ear plugs in could hear the various sounds of this deafening abode. Laid turning over and over unable to turn off. Fear was in my head. However he returned along around 12:30 alone. Still I turned and rolled in a heightened state. My arms ached and pulsated. I couldn't relax them. Must've slept at 2 or 2:30am. Then awoke at 6am and I am in the hazy post drugged sleep deprived state. I feel nothing except my body is stretching and yawning and wanting to return to sleep.
My earliest clear memory is being in an ill state. We lived up on the east cost in Easington, near Loftus, dad had a fish and chip shop, a Moscowvich van to carry stock, we lived in an old farm house next to the church at the end of the village and across from the post office. We had a large front garden and a goat and a back garden with chickens. The house had 3 bedrooms, a huge kitchen, and a large front room, the toilet/bathroom was at the front of the house and was a later addition. The house was at least Victorian, if not earlier.
I had a fever or something like flu I trembled and had cold/hot sweats. I recall having Champion the Wonder Horse on the TV, black and white with a dial to tune in the tv, it was a very terrible 1950's cartoon made into a show: a children's Western. I recall the images on that flickering screen being very bright which I think was a result of my heighten state not the TV. That theme tune has stuck in my head as the first clear memory. A boy, a horse and I also think a dog who together fought injustice and tyranny in the wild west. Terrible acting and concept, but somehow subliminal. I could sing the theme tune still. I think the sound of that theme tune helped me to recover some senses.
There is numerous separate problems that spread from Monday to Friday that are pushing me closer to alcohol oblivion at the weekend.
A job, a calm peaceful flat, something else in leeds, money and some mental relief.
Took to bed at 11:30 last night having taken beta blockers and Kalms. Unwound until around 12:30, but even with ear plugs in could hear the various sounds of this deafening abode. Laid turning over and over unable to turn off. Fear was in my head. However he returned along around 12:30 alone. Still I turned and rolled in a heightened state. My arms ached and pulsated. I couldn't relax them. Must've slept at 2 or 2:30am. Then awoke at 6am and I am in the hazy post drugged sleep deprived state. I feel nothing except my body is stretching and yawning and wanting to return to sleep.
My earliest clear memory is being in an ill state. We lived up on the east cost in Easington, near Loftus, dad had a fish and chip shop, a Moscowvich van to carry stock, we lived in an old farm house next to the church at the end of the village and across from the post office. We had a large front garden and a goat and a back garden with chickens. The house had 3 bedrooms, a huge kitchen, and a large front room, the toilet/bathroom was at the front of the house and was a later addition. The house was at least Victorian, if not earlier.
I had a fever or something like flu I trembled and had cold/hot sweats. I recall having Champion the Wonder Horse on the TV, black and white with a dial to tune in the tv, it was a very terrible 1950's cartoon made into a show: a children's Western. I recall the images on that flickering screen being very bright which I think was a result of my heighten state not the TV. That theme tune has stuck in my head as the first clear memory. A boy, a horse and I also think a dog who together fought injustice and tyranny in the wild west. Terrible acting and concept, but somehow subliminal. I could sing the theme tune still. I think the sound of that theme tune helped me to recover some senses.
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