The Ghost part 15 (some things about my bankruptcy)
It isn't as bad as you think: it removes you from the lenders and banks various grasps. You have to wait for 6 years to get back to a positive credit rating it seems, but you are left without any anxiousness and sleepless nights fretting about bailiffs and debt collection calls.
I fell for the trap of loans, credit, overdrafts and higher purchase with the promise of have now and pay later lifestyle. While my wage was scant enough to pay my debts I tried always to subsist within the luxury provided by numerous credit cards and loans while my take home was squeezed to an impossibly low level.
When I was asked to leave by Coors Brewers in 2003, due to my health issues, I had huge and unsupportable debts that made my overall state of mind worse and sent me into a real break down.
I started seeing a Counsellor and a Physiologist through Coors and Bupa, health care provided by work, in June and July 2003, we discussed the reasons for my declining mental state and it became apparent I was still fighting my dead father(deceased 2001).
Some constant pain and hatred in my memory was preventing me from living my limited and boring life without this constant sense my prime had been taken away from me by a very selfish and thoughtless man. I was in my 30's and was already past my 'best' years. I had spent 1992 to 2001 listening to a constant stream of insults and anger directed at his estranged wife, my mother, and her new man. For 10+ years, more or less every day, I would call in to my father's to go through the same circles of self pity and vehement anger. My life didn't seem to feature in this landscape: I was the bottle neck or conduit for the fury.
Since my last course of CBT in 2009/2010 and the anti-D's I have taken since then I don't really care what my father did to me in those years: but I still think he was a wanker for overlooking me the way he did and I will never let a woman take away my mind the way my mother did in his case.
Bankruptcy was one of the steps of breaking away from the past. I reduced feel good debts to a court appearance and 6 years in creditary wilderness. I still have an Orange phone contract, but I wonder how long I will have that?
Life is certainly circumstantial and I truthfully believe in nuture not nature.
I fell for the trap of loans, credit, overdrafts and higher purchase with the promise of have now and pay later lifestyle. While my wage was scant enough to pay my debts I tried always to subsist within the luxury provided by numerous credit cards and loans while my take home was squeezed to an impossibly low level.
When I was asked to leave by Coors Brewers in 2003, due to my health issues, I had huge and unsupportable debts that made my overall state of mind worse and sent me into a real break down.
I started seeing a Counsellor and a Physiologist through Coors and Bupa, health care provided by work, in June and July 2003, we discussed the reasons for my declining mental state and it became apparent I was still fighting my dead father(deceased 2001).
Some constant pain and hatred in my memory was preventing me from living my limited and boring life without this constant sense my prime had been taken away from me by a very selfish and thoughtless man. I was in my 30's and was already past my 'best' years. I had spent 1992 to 2001 listening to a constant stream of insults and anger directed at his estranged wife, my mother, and her new man. For 10+ years, more or less every day, I would call in to my father's to go through the same circles of self pity and vehement anger. My life didn't seem to feature in this landscape: I was the bottle neck or conduit for the fury.
Since my last course of CBT in 2009/2010 and the anti-D's I have taken since then I don't really care what my father did to me in those years: but I still think he was a wanker for overlooking me the way he did and I will never let a woman take away my mind the way my mother did in his case.
Bankruptcy was one of the steps of breaking away from the past. I reduced feel good debts to a court appearance and 6 years in creditary wilderness. I still have an Orange phone contract, but I wonder how long I will have that?
Life is certainly circumstantial and I truthfully believe in nuture not nature.
Comments