Monday, July 14, 2025, Early Morning, Wetherby

The morning began with a sense of deep mental exhaustion, following much-needed restorative sleep. The desire for another quiet day was strong, but a powerful realization quickly emerged: this quiet, this peace, is "always an option." The understanding solidified that hope isn't a future destination on the Camino, but something to be found "here and now."

A profound self-confrontation then took place, acknowledging an "addiction to guilt" and recognizing it as a fundamental aspect of the "mental health" journey. This guilt had perpetuated a feeling of "always being unsatisfied," despite the deep knowing of inherent completeness – "I am complete already" and "I don't want for anything." The entire "life struggle" was vividly painted as a "thorn and thistle path."

The roots of this path were then bravely illuminated: the "subtle wars" constantly present in the childhood home at 42 Braine Road since 1989. The most significant trauma emerged as being the "conduit of misery" in a "constant war" between parents from 1992-2001, following dad's passing in 2001 from smoking-related issues. This was compounded by constant bullying at school from age 11 until 1986. These early, compounding traumas profoundly shaped the self, teaching "flight and unhappiness," and leading to the painful conviction, formed at 11 and reinforced at 18, of being destined to "spend life alone." A subsequent insight acknowledged that fear of vulnerability, of showing deep unhappiness, had prevented involvement in relationships.

However, the reflection moved towards immense breakthroughs. A powerful reclaiming of personal agency came with the realization: "I always had a choice... I could have said no to bullies, no to bad teachers and no to my dad." This was followed by a profound re-identification with a core, peaceful essence: "I was always Mother Nature's Son." The conviction that "It's never too late to try again" then paved the way for a declaration of deep peace and contentment, aligning with Lesson 195: "Life is good. I know this. I don't want for anything."

The morning culminated in a truly monumental step towards healing: "I think I've forgiven my father."

As the world stirs anew outside, the inner world feels like it's shifting into a new, more peaceful phase. There's a clear request for a "sound witness" – a reminder and a jolt out of misery – to help maintain this newfound clarity and peace.