A rebel without a clue.

Lola makes me happy, epecially at 5:30 am as she crawls into the single bed, stretches out by my side and we snooze on until around 6, keeping each other warm. It's a memory which keeps me afloat wherein I would've gone under many times during the darkest days of this black dog. As I stretch awake I give her a smile, cuddle and place a kiss upon her beautiful head while I dress to launch myself at another day and another way. *** Whenever and wherever I go there are particular objects which I require to make me feel I'm setting off in a satisfactory manner. Whether or not I use every item packed orderly and specifically, for various occasions, in the vintage Karrimor (Jaguar S65 KS-100e SA L) I bought off of eBay, they're all stored safely. All these items go into it so that I feel safe switching off all unnecessary power at the mains, leaving and locking flat number 69, taking a meter reading and descending from the eleventh floor out onto Lovell Park Hill . At the top...

Tracing a line backwards, from the knowledge of Julia's passing away and my initial memories of her in my life, I can recall her being a caring diligent sibling. The 12 years between us made her seem all-knowingly bright, and someone I could really look up to, as my big sister. She was someone who responded to me and I reciprocated enthusiastically. My first memory is of being in a booth in Harrogate train station having a photo taken with Emma, in a duffel coat, sat on Julia's lap pulling faces at the awaited flash. I was probably 7 or 8 then. The photos are still around somewhere (in a box filled with memories) capturing a frozen instant of joy formed fresh from a novel experience. Julia gave me many memories like that until something inside broke and I saw a girl become a woman in pain - which was a burden too hard for her, or anyone, to carry. Mostly I will remember her sharing experiences truthfully and without malice, not absentmindedly or distracted from my need to know....