In transit.

Literally the worst experience I go through to escape what I find so threatening is the departure from in and through airports: the intensity of all elements of the corralling system used make me feel worthless. It's a bottleneck in every way. With Ryanair it always seems at the last moment everything is accomplished too. I noticed a sanitary vehicle cleaning the toilets just prior to boarding. Now on the plane they refuelled as we took our sets. Due to depart for Béziers at 13:20 seems unlikely. Departure for them probably means leaving gate number 52 and not take off so perhaps it's my interpretation that is flawed?

They give land-yards to people on the spectrum; I never knew. There is no quiet space on airside. No prayer room. It's super intense. On this occasion I was just in time to board the flight, I was assisted all along the way after I managed to leave my phone on the self check-in scales - bag comes in at 9.8kgs (just within bounds). Everything else is in the white Morrisons carrier. I'm sure with boots, clothes I am wearing, book, water, etc, it must be more than 15% of my body weight?

In the case of an emergency I've got bivouc, mat, sleeping bag, rain cover, waterproofs, puffer jacket, Long Johns and thermals: last time I set off at this time of year - Montpellier towards Toulouse - I was killed off when the weather turned abysmal. This time I feel being prepared for continental France is better than expecting it to bask in the same conditions as the Mediterranean during late September. If I go south from Carcassonne there is the Pyrenees to cross as well. Carrying the weight is annoying but I've dealt with it many years now.

Over the summer I've definitely put on weight: lethargy and a general lack of motivation: too many cancelled appointments by those doing the assessments on behalf of DWP. Usually too hot or too damp to go walking either. On Sunday I walked back towards Wetherby which was the first instance since the walk for Leeds Mind around the Yorkshire Moors, along the entirety of the Ebor Way - east to west - and one drenched day up on Fairfields in the Lake District during the weekend before the kids went back to school.

Having 4 appointments cancelled, mostly on the same day as the appointment (and when Glenn had taken time off work too), caused me to panic and eventually led to me running out of PIP on the 15th. The knock on effect is my ESA will also drop to the lower rate until it's sorted out, if indeed I still qualify for PIP? This is not a great result for someone in my fragile state, but it can't be helped.

Passing over Portsmouth/Southampton, and the Solent, I have to accept the system doesn't really care for anyone struggling mentally and that there is nothing I can do about the situation I'm in. Now thankfully, I be away from the tensions for a while again: La Manche!

Just as I was travelling on the Trans-Pennine Express confirmation the report had come through to DWP.

With lots of battling through customer services I finally got to speak to someone in authority to get my case prioritised - as I was informed on Wednesday I was entitled to ask.

Since Monday I've spoken to three separate individuals and all of them have told me, incorrectly, that their is no fast track in place in the system.

It's hard being so forceful with those I see in positions of authority, but do I have a choice to leave it like that? The girl who I spoke to is a case manager - so things are where they should be - and she's also calling me back, once the assessment has been worked, in the morning - which is a nice thing for her to do. If the decision is negative a Mandatory Reconsideration is the next procedure which I can do over the phone tomorrow. As I'm much worse currently, new medication - SRNIs - and awaiting yet more assessments for Therapy how can the DWP decide negatively?

My GP, who is genuinely supportive, advised I may have to go direct, privately, to speak to John Ashton because the kind of Therapy - Dynamic Psychotherapy - isn't provided by the NHS anymore. Just when I found someone who was helping me, and after I'd waited a full year for referral, the system blocks me again. It's frustrating that the NHS has little resources for mental health and is continuously changing the way they do things? The only therapies on offer from the NHS secondary mental health services are CBT, which I went through in 2010, and Cognitive analytic therapy, where I will have to go through the story of my life once more! Can I do this for the upteenth time? I am not sure that is truly necessary for me to join another queue at the NHS to get me where I surely need to in my aging life ...

Time to turn to the window and appreciate we're coming down to Béziers.