Boxing Day.

I tried to switch off, but the Chinese takeaway is replaying. Time to get my act together. Peppermint tea and then back to LaLaland. First hostel for a while. Indeed since Alicante when I started the second leg of this idiocy.

Already I feel a little better in my head: there really isn't anything to worry about! I've many good memories since leaving Alicante back then on the 7th November, and obviously some real challenges - which I overcame each time.

Last night a lad from Wisconsin who was traveling and busking around Europe: and was an excellent chap, gave me two short novellas, to envelope, which I will dig out tomorrow or Friday. After I've cleaned up this abused body with a good night's sleep and then I'll shower, get fresh and cleaned (unnecessary) clothes on - I managed to wash all in Alba de Tormes and properly unwind tomorrow. But clothes ... I mean why?

***

What is this word "holiday"? It makes no sense to me. 13.8 billion years for us to appear through time and space to become a creature self pinned on a calendar notice board hanging on a factory wall, or in an Excel spreadsheet where life is assigned to an algorithm, even though we can perceive this is not it all. And it has become all about "holidays" ... Holidays from what ... Life?

I do feel like people are so bored and caught in a monotonous trap for which a holiday is the only escape.

***

My mind interchanges between a feeling of eternal loneliness and it's antithesis - relative and wholesome intercepting stunning bliss - in the absolute knowledge that everything unfolds about me as I am disappearing further and further into the past, out of control and without a will of my own, unable to force the route back and embrace the moment between the suggested time intervals.

***

I just told an Oriental girl I found her fascinating. She blinked and carried on. But today I've felt so alive, when I could find a space not dominated by the smoggy streets of Madrid, as I saw myself trying to find a way out of this Matrix. In the heavily bitumened Jardine central and next to Atocha I had to clip all the grass, leaf litter and bark which had fallen itself beyond the systematic indenture. Why can't we let nature unfold anywhere? It's enough. Today is enough. I've decided to leave the external and turn within. Safe and sound here just like when I am on the Camino; without people but never alone because I'm everything and visa versa.

In the morning I get out of this place for a few moments. Thank you universe for showing me this way which I can belong and be in. Nothing for me has any reason beyond this. Good night and merry Christmas. It's got me thinking. Even if what it has become is utter bollocks, as it's presented to 7 billion, it can cause those seeking another effect to become a little affectionate towards the passing day.