A rebel without a clue.

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Diary w/c Tuesday 16th, Got up at around 745. Maybe 730. Happy. Did ablusions. Cup of old coffee in microwave. Ate an Apple and the remainder of that strange fractal Romanesco broccoli. Now striding to Starbucks for fresh filter. Full of 'Storm' by Godspeed You! Black Emperor! which puts my mind at ease. Tonight is curry club. Pinto beans and black eyed bean (actually peas), change of plan Glenn can't make Wednesday. Nice lady smiled at me and touched my shoulder. Good shoes. Got an hour to kill, not going to be early to mental health as might bump into family from hell from 2 weeks ago. And what is wrong with just being on time to an appointment. Usually it feels like I need preparation in my head, but do I actually. Just drifting on. Happy! Heard from Scarlett - just the occasional hello makes me so relieved and blissful. I am not always that friendly. Tuesday 12:30. Some Indian guy tried to connect, but I think I was preoccupied by what hannah had discussed with ...

I realise that I am 38 and suddenly I'm prejudiced and not just any prejudice but a whopper – I dislike ... actually not people individually or those who are free to think openly and would question indocrination. I like anyone as an 'individual' who can think for themselves and need not resolve to a group symbols and group identities. It is the concept that within my locale there are millions of people who keep up this pretense of being in a special privilaged order outside of the vast majority. These grouped individuals never present themselves without saying I'm jewish, a muslim, a hindu, a roman catholic, a Protestant, almost before a word has left their mouth. I feel am just a human, in a community of humans and we all just the same. It makes me angry that people can create these groups. They don't/won't marry outside their clique, eat only the correct food, pay homage to a god or a prophet. Slipping between middle class English and another language dependi...

Not feeling anything much. Flat looks a bit bad detritusy but not too bad - i think its age shows the dirt more.  Paul's linen all over the floor in the out building...he'd forgotten! hehe Hung about. Off to sign on. Put alarm clock on for 7. Went back to sleep zzzzz. Woke up by April  standing over the bed shouting at me; all in my head! Weird. Can't focus as well as last night. Still got this odd cold. Feeling a  bit dry. Why can't I hydrate? Crocus time again / spring time is here again. Got to town time to spare. Coffee. Shit no money! How did happen? Oh  well! It's not the end. It's only coffee... Signed on; one job? Customer services part time - good news. We'll  see. Tons of work down in Cornwall. Cornwall. Cornwall. Timeline infinity. Where is the universe going? Very good question! We  know where it came from: bigbang; we don't know why, but where is it going?  What is it striving toward in the end? Last four days were beautiful...

Out for dung walk at 10am. Just been blanked. Looked at dog, but not  at me. Is it an invisible person walking the dog? On top of the ings and just seen mark Bolton. Plastic raver? Had to  have all the kit for walking! Hunters barbar. Baba! 10.48 Oh well collingham here I come. Knees giving me jipp. Need Ginger? Hit the church in collingham at 1120. Snoops is tangled! Working my way back to you, babe with a happiness inside - the Detroit  Spinners! Kirk Deighton fête on my own 1980. Dave Edmunds. Snoops and  I am back he's eaten a whole tin and I've eaten a ton of pasta  1230...decided to tidy the front room. Top to bottom. Shoe'd snoops  upstairs...grumble grumble. 1510. Preparing for trip back. 1620 bus to  Leeds. Curry night. Can't find jsa book! 1550 and I don't know why but I'm not looking forward to going to  Leeds. Some times I prefer the quiet of this street, braine road.  Returned library book bus on time! Picked this ...

Please Mum no more cheap toliet paper, the stuff my index finger goes straight through ain't glamourous. Back to marigold andrex. 'Hey look! There goes the durex dog' said my sister at Wetherby Show in about 1980. Durex/Dulux/Andrex. Silver Dog is asleep paw on my shin bone like a hand in my hand...yawn yawn. Me tired too, but eaten so much shite today. I'm loaded with MSG and transfats; cool huh?

I got up fairly easily at 7:45am. After bathing I watered my pinto bean sprouts and washed my black eyed beans. Angry and frustrated by 9am. Felt i couldn't get into the day. Took full bin bag out(again)...with neighbours. Got to street lane. Told help the aged I wouldn't really be able to make any other day than Saturday; will be in a 1pm all being well. Popped to Starbucks to kill an hour: got a really good book by Stephen Baxter( Timelike Infinity ) from the Beige-ists. Ran and caught number 12 outside Flying pizza. Arrived at surgery for 11am. Waiting Room No. 2: Mum, dad and out of control child. Sat down reading for 15 minutes, but then dreadlocked child climbed in my space; told parents. All the waiting room and decided to climb on my lap. What am i meant to do/say? 'can you keep your child out of my space?' She thought I was moody,'he's only a child!' Grumpy: you're his mother be more assertive. The father looked at me daggers: i couldn't ...