Wednesday morning blues :(

For the first time in ages I actually don't know what I am doing. Doing here in Portugal on a road to nowhere... Walking through the resort strewn shoreline, following the Ria Formosa to it's destiny. Passing between a giant of a manicured golf course to a town sat on the west side of the Guadiana river dissecting Iberia into The Algarve Portugal and Andalusia Spain. Yesterday was a none day. The previous day was a none day. I've felt less than zero since the argument with my mother, which appears to have broken something which can't be fixed ... And whatever I ate yesterday (cheese I think) was not good - it wasn't cold from the fridge so might've been at ambient temperature for a long time. Where do I go from here? East into Spain and the unknown (Like when I got off the bus at the Mexican/Guatamalan border and walked into the unknown)? I absolutely have no idea what the area around Seville/Huelva/Cadiz is like.

I am the borderland with Spain... I don't know what to do today. This bust up with my mum means I've lost the one person who seems to be interested in me 100%. I am being far too narcissistic? I feel like there is no Way/Camino if I am only waking for myself, which makes no sense. All the level effects I have are being had by me. Yesterday, tired but plodding on passed the lagoons the experience I was having was for me. When I ate that fantastic lunch I was having the effect of joy. But as the course maintains all minds are joined at a fundamental level and one joyous moment is for all. In all ways ...

Today is actually day one. Going north, not east... Called in to a café in the Mercado where I have to get into a positive mood? It's colder this morning. And theforecast says stop worrying? What spiritual answers am I looking for on the road, when I always say the path is the destination - the spirit is here and now. There is nothing behind or ahead... Only the present?

Nearly time to have my shadow before me rather than hidden: north not east. Two pastel and two café Americano. On Sunday I will step over into Spain... But I've got to stick to the original plan. In 5 days I will be in Beja? But first Castro Marim now.