w/c 8th April.

Porridge at 7:30. Coffee from 6. Off to collect Lola for 8am. Need to be back on the bus to Leeds at 10:30 from Deighton Road to see to letting the engineer in to fix the boiler...

On the 9:30 back to Leeds, an hour earlier. At the flat for noon. Made a nice lunch - carbonara with extra smoked back bacon. I've had no bacon in months and it's been on my mind recently. Ran out of cooking pans so turned to the two mess tins I've had for many a season... Steam baked with honey. And added purple sprouting broccoli at the end. Lush. But the shop bought carbonara sauce had zero flavour - even with added lardons, onions and garlic ... Poor show Sainsbury's (cheap because it's lacking ingredients)?  The engineer is here at 3. I've been cleaning the flat properly between meditation and his arrival. Just having a brew: North Star Ethiopia Goro Natural.

The carpet in the front room appears to be disintegrating...

Bath then bed... Fantastic.

***

Tuesday,

Depressed. But it is the start of day three. Up at 4:30am. Slept like an angel. Felt wonderful going to bed. An alarm, sirens, voices, bird call all nothing. All in my mind. I need to forgive as I am he cause of the world I see. An insane world... Separate bodies. I forgave the instant after the event. But as the source of the effect I have to forgive myself first and then the reaction will go?jc

Coffee. It's 5am. Got to catch the bus at 7. The world becomes itself once more as the number 2 goes up North Street. Podcast - free speech. Four authors who defend their state against freedom of speech. Porridge. 5:45am.

To Wetherby on the 6:55am. Collected Lola at just gone 8. A good walk over York Road flyover and alongside the A1 to the Wharfe, via Walton Road, prior to the rains, crossing The Great North Road by the roundabout and through the top of Micklethwaite. Back via Touchwoods. Chipped potatoes, stewed tomatoes, 2 eggs and the remainder of the bread rolls. Laid down with Lola on mother's unmade bed before she reappeared from the trip to the Hospital. Just having a couple of hours to myself. Bought sunflower seeds to start them off. Matcha latte in BAE. Another chapter of Ask the Fellows Who Cut the Hay.

Took Lola for a 40 minutes spin up to Raby, via The Harland Way, and then down Westgate to the river. And called in to the Bar3 and saw nothing. So walked through after giving Lola a treat and back via Touchwoods.

Came back, as the rain cleared away, relaxed with her until I'd had enough of watching my mother watching the TV.

Listened to chapter 12 and lesson 100.

Bed after supper. Heard Emma obsessing about stuff for the few minutes she was whizzing downstairs.

End of day three sober.

***

Wednesday,

Awake at 5:30am. Blue skies. Please can I go to the allotment? Lola first at 9. After I've been for some bread.. coffee at 5:45am. Word of Mouth podcast.

Phew. Day four and light at the end of the tunnel? The cherry tree is in blossom down the street.

Just gone 2. First beer since Saturday. Gone straight to my head. Worked on the allotment from 11. Walked Lola from nine and messed with her until 10:30.

Back to Leeds on the bus @ 3pm, but I got off in Oakwood... Yeah well it was going to happen I suppose. I did 4 days sober. Next period begins today. Perhaps I can go 5 days?

***

Thursday,

ESA pay day - paid my bills. Got a little left. Beer just wastes too much money... Absolutely. Put £15 into the saving account. I remember having a PEP in my first job after University... £100 a month. I was loaded then...

In a strange way what I did yesterday doesn't interest me anymore... But the rain came down on the allotment and there were two attractive girls in B&B...

Ian is in Florida so I didn't meet up with him and Andy at the Mews which I can't stand anymore. The music. The lack of quality on tap. It's just like everywhere else... But it isn't solving any of my problems.

Coffee. Listening to the birds. Bath. Caught the X99 from Boar Lane at 6:55am. Feeling a bit weary today.

Guilt has driven me mad. I feel terrible for yesterday's session. I was beginning to feel that I was putting drink behind me and felt mentally good: better. Although I have had two solid walks with Lola they haven't been happy walks. All I can do is say sorry to myself...

Put the runner beans in larger containers at the back of the garden by the shed. Mum seems happy? Am I doing well? Apart from yesterday. Start again Sisyphus...

***

Friday,

Awake at 5. Coffee at 5:30. Listening to In Our Time. I think I am back in the land of the living?

Back from town: found two Covent Garden pails next to the bin on the corner of Scott Lane and The Market Place. Moved the dog kibble to the shed. Put my allotment stuff by the door. Waiting on Lola. And had a hearty breakfast.

Good hour with Lola.

3 plus hours on the allotment... Let's see if the corn takes... I have hidden and protected it from the pigeons? But maybe not the slugs?

Had 5 beers, came back to my mum's, watched an episode of Time Team and went to bed. Slept well until something I ate(definitely food) disagreed with me? I think one of the buns my mum had baked a while ago might've been past their best? But I did sleep deeply around the grumbling stomach.

Spoke to Andy from The Isle of Man who I met last year on el Camino and who is back on the second half of his pilgrimage... Funnily enough he bumped into someone who knows Susan Devoy too...

***

Saturday,

Coffee, walnuts, live yogurt and two slices of sourdough bread. Brewed a tea too. Made lemon water. Think I will head to the allotment, not to Leeds, and take Lola for the afternoon walk unless mum's taking her up to Auntie Wendy's?

Had a good three hours on the allotment, around an hour meditation, but I couldn't get into the mode. Lola arrived as mother and I were picking up all the pins she'd dropped in the sewing room... I left to catch the bus at 1pm. The bus is roasting. Thankfully someone opened a window...

Stopped for a coffee and Karma Cola in 'Sonder' in the County Arcade between Vicar Lane and Briggate, before a brief hello to the guys in Social(newly renovated), then back to wash clothes and bathe the two days of allotment off my body. 

Eggs and Lyonnaise potatoes... Yummy. No garlic or onions, but plenty of cumin and za'atar... Just having lemon water. All goodness. Going to have another attempted hour of trying to get my mind into Chapter 14 ACIM.

***

Sunday,

5am. Sat awaiting a'brewing. Started porridge. Was 'awake' around 4. But rolled-lolled in bed for another hour; snoozing? Slept unbroken from 8pm I guess. No external distractions. But always thinking about the allotment at the moment... Wood. Planks. On the Old Railway. Might be useful?

Breakfasted. Third cup of coffee. Brewing... A bit 'sweaty' currently. I guess that's the result of hard work on the allotment? Going to go for a morning walk as there are no buses to Wby until 9am from Boar Lane anyhow. 6:30am. Sent back confirmation of accommodation up next to Sacré-Coeur - I've stayed there twice previously ... There is that route south out of Paris to Orleans... But it's not Le Puy-en-Velay...

I have walked from Chantilly into Paris coming from the north and west outwards towards Chartres... What am I doing?

Good morning walking from the flat, via Saint James's Hospital, Gipton, The Green in Seacroft, Coal Road, the new NLOR, The Atrium, Sandhills and Thorner Main Street. Arrived at noon from the number 7. Ten miles walking as the weather changed and the cafe in Thorner was closed (no longer open on a Sunday) so I hopped on the bus as the left foot needed a rest. Stopped for a pint in The Mews. Came to mum's for lunch at one and took Lola to collect those two planks I'd spotted on Friday. Two 'useful' seasoned planks. I carried them on my shoulder the second half of the 45 minutes. She was very excited, but also a bit wary of them... At 3 came into Wetherby for two pints and two chapters in two hours arriving back at 5pm where I ate a bowl of noodles. Lola's just gone back to my sister's so it's time to relax before Monday...

Mum saw Archie yesterday who is deteriorating now. He's losing a lot of weight. His paw-rents are considering taking him with them to Germany at the end of his life (rather than have me look after him): I would. I'd want to be next to him, as I will be with Lola at the end of one journey before the start of the next... I wasn't next to Snoops because we had no idea he was very ill and I was in Mexico(2014).