w/c 22nd April.

Monday,

On the 2pm X99 back towards Leeds. The one prior to WHS junk from 3pm onwards.

Popped in to town around 7am for Caffe Nero, but it wasn't open so into Costa. A chapter, an espresso(£2.65) and a glass of iced water. Back via Oven Door for a small spelt loaf(£3.10) to a plate full of tinned tomatoes, tomato puree and a couple of knobs of butter on a quartet of spelt slices: splendid.

Lola arrived just as I was going to have a bath. Mum's complaining my head smells... So I thoroughly cleaned myself then had a good hour, in the April showers, down through town, up Quarry Hill Lane and through Devil's Toenail to the back of the Old Railway. Stopped under the Glebe bridge to shake off the rain and then back along the Harrogate Church Fenton line. Spotted Tony on the corner of the Morrisons Garage ruffling his Barnet and muttering to his audience: it's his way. Lola didn't spot him and was happy to detour through the forecourt.

Put three items on eBay which I hope will help me get from Beauvais to Le Puy-en-Velay without dipping into the Camino funds? If I get £200 I'll be happy, but that's a dream surely? The Nakamiichi Cassette Deck 2 is worth £150... Pointless as I only have a handful of cassettes left and they're losing their cohesion.

Had a little lunch and then a lay down. Listened to the start of chapter 19 ACIM. Got to The Unreality of Sin. But feeling the alcohol cravings so can't switch off. Pulled the plug and jumped off the bus on the corner of North and Byron Street... No lengthy detour into the abyss...

***

Tuesday,

The light is getting more vivid: I can almost see out of the darkness once more, but I've a few days remaining. Then things are going to be so so different... It's not an anniversary, but it is a return to what was a revelation to explore it as an 'adult' on the Camino. But childlike wonder must still be somewhere in my conceitedness?

Prepared coffee last night. Slept until 5:15am and am a little anxious about catching the correct bus to be in Wetherby for 8am. 6:55am from Boar Lane. Another 35 minutes! 

Left at 6:10 to go catch the X99. En-route to the final dance with Archie prior to his departure to Düsseldorf, with David, shortly. I do hope he remits... And gets to spend a few years über die straße.

Great day. Lola and Archie and I up to Sandbeck Lane, Ingmanthorpe Hall, Swinnow Hill, the race course, Spring Wood(bluebells), a paws(pause) at Lola and my favourite Oak tree with large stone to sit one. Returned along the Old Railway. Lola was running headless, but I couldn't join in as I didn't want to do Archie any injuries... Then we came back to scrambled egg. A nice breakfast. I went for a break. Came back took Archie down to the river and for three halves. Then returned him to David, before Lola and I did the same, but just 2 halves. Found it hard to concentrate on chapter 19. But finally did once Lola had departed with Emma. Then to bed. So many vivid dreams - one about the Chemin Saint Jacques from Paris...

***

Wednesday,

Awake at 5:30am. Good night's sleep. Brewing coffee. 12 days to go... Didn't enjoy nor crave the beers I had with Archie, 3, or Lola, 2, but I put them first! They both love barking in the pubs! 

At 6 am a heron is stood on the end eves of the house opposite. I've seen it up there before. It's like a vulture... But this is only the second occasion. It's great just to pay attention? It's neck goes up and down as it rests it against it's breast when not being alert. Now it is striding like John Cheese along the ridge between the chimney pots like some sentinel...

3 halves and two pint. Glazed. I think the nice morning with Lola, the allotment, plus journey and the suggestion of sunshine walking around Leeds with its Chavettes shoplifting anything and everything from Greggs... Back to the flat for Lyonnaise potatoes and chantenay carrots and the final cup of the North Star coffee I wasn't particularly enjoying - it smelt of shit!

***

Thursday,

Forward Leeds appointment at 11am, in Seacroft, then Wetherby to sell more stuff (jeans, boots and a pair of trainers) and sort out the tomatoes... I brought the appointment forward from 2:30pm as I can't hang about in Leeds with my alcohol tendancies... Yesterday was enough. 3 halves and 2 pints between 3 and 5:45pm.

Brewing coffee. I blended together the awful one from North Star and normal Italian roast from Aldi ... 5:45am.

Pay day for ESA and I am being smiled on from within? End of the Budgeting Loan, before the start of another section to pay back shortly, so I got close to £475. So now I've paid all my bills in April and have put £100 to one side until Paris on the 6th.

Up on a bitterly cold Whin-Moor - well Seacroft. It's not sheltered like Scarcroft across the way. Waiting for my '11 o'clock' ... It's not a diet coke break!

Nice guy Angelo. We're the same age so remember details of the same thing. He says to continue as I am doing, which I will do. Quick visit to Tesco's - far too large and exceptionally busy. Gruyère, bananas and fruit and nut bar. Bought rye bread in the Polish Bakery in Kirkgate and have a flask of cold tea. Win win.

Back to Wetherby on the number 7. Bought chicken manure then went for three small glasses of wine in B&B. Reading Footpaths. Came back took Lola out for three halves. Came back just as Emma arrived. Back to town for three more small glasses of wine and bought a Mojis pizza for the first time in probably 10 years... Bad night's sleep due to a grumbling stomach.

***

Friday,

Lola and I today. It's clear blue sky and cold. I slept ok until 3ish. Went to bed at a break in Time Team - 3 minutes of mindless adverts so I went to bed around 7. Heard mum go to sleep - on the edge of consciousness. Brewing coffee. 5:30am. No hangover. Deep pan pizza... Fast food. Once in a blue moon... In Our Time.

Booked a night at the Relais Saint Jacques in Le Puy-en-Velay on the 7th as there are a number of bank holidays that week in France (VE day and Ascension Day)

Conflict with my mum, sister, random man on King's Meadows , and with myself, before a plate of tomatoes on toast and a chapter of ACIM, and a little weep...

Lola's a bit under the weather this morning too. Didn't join me for a cuddle, but probably knows I need to by myself? Her poos weren't solid...

Still cold out of the sun. That's me. Cold. I don't know if I like people? I definitely don't like myself a lot of the times.

Got off at Lovell Park, went for a coffee and a glass of water in The Brunswick, came across the park to a nice purple sprouting broccoli and sardine pasta meal. Listened to chapter 21 again, without alcohol distractions and washed all my clothes for the weekend looking after Ruby(Sunday to Tuesday). Early night. Just about to call it good night Vienna at 7:30pm. Start again Sisyphus... Justed eaten the last third of the bio yogurt. Brought two large bags to carry the tomatoes which I've been trying to grow in the flat: very small seedlings!

***

Saturday,

Begin again. Day one sober/hangover free. Friday was an abysmal day really. But it's gone. Brewed coffee last night, and a flask of lemon water. 4:45am. Birdsong and some music filtering through the floors and walls from outside the flat somewhere. It's OK. Slept well. No more take away deep pan fast food pizza...

Loads of work. Exhausted. Morning in the greenhouse, afternoon at the allotment and next chips... Third pint. That's it. I've Ruby tomorrow... collected fish and chips from the Frying Pan just as they opened at 4:30. Back to share my fish with Lola. Retired afterwards to concentrate on the 'branching of the road' ... The junction, turning, direction I have been stood facing since I first began ACIM... 11 years. There is another way.

***

Sunday,

5:15am. Slept well. It's raining gently outside. Coffee brewing.

12:30pm. Running a bath. Walked the beasts in the pouring rain. Ate a lovely lunch: a tomato and roasted pepper sauce with fondant potatoes with caramelised garlic mushrooms and just been horizontal. Ruby is in Lalaland. Had a glass of wine with lunch. Used two glasses in cooking...

Moving. I am perpetually shifting. Down Spofforth Hill to Wetherby Market Place. Ruby is exhausted and went for a quiet time in her crate. Came back for another meander after 2 low abv pints. 

@ 18:45 I've eaten and so has Ruby... She's at her end of the sofa in the utility room. Archie passed away today though... Sadness. I was bereft.

One too many glasses of wine I guess. I get left a couple of bottles when I am looking after Ruby... And I decided to buy one at the cinema because I used the vast majority of the bottle in cooking... He was a great dog and I will always look back to our times with a smile.