w/c 18th March.

Monday,

Getting ready to leave the flat for Wetherby. Listening to another In Our Time episode about Prester John. I last listened to it in 2015 after I was recommended the broadcast on BBC4 by George who used to manage in the tiny kitchen at The Brunswick. I've been listening to an episode of the broadcast since then. Nearly 10 years. Ten years next year I've been in the flat. I got barred from NB for five years back then too. I was in a real mess. Much more than I am now, I guess. I saw nothing good: apart from Lola... And the promised sunrise over yonder horizon. But nothing outside can make me happy if I am not happy in my head. The power of the mind. And I am in op of it... Even if it seems I am not!?!

8am X99 Bus. Unpacked back. Lola Allotment. It's now 15:25. Never stopped. Lola. Packed backpack back to Leeds on the X99 it's 17:25. Not stopped. Hopped off the bus at 1800. Groan men obsessing about the GHz of their side bus, gfx card and processor. They even brought the temperature of the blasted hardware into the equation ... That was me in the late 1990s and early 2000s until I saw the light around 2007. I mostly get by with just a smart phone now... With a smashed screen...

Back on the bus, back to the flat. Supper, relax, bath, sleep. All the way through unbroken. Exhausted. That was a tough day. Another one the same?

***

Tuesday,

Coffee

What really matters to me. What makes me breath? Waiting doesn't help me active it. I am dipping in to memories. To keep me happy now. But they also make me lust for them now. I get possessed by the possibility of something momentous. El Camino is a giant of momentum. It's wonderful. I am definitely going to the Dales on the Dales Bus on Sunday...

Come down to catch the X99 on Boar Lane. Back to Wetherby. Just realised it's Palm Sunday this Sunday ... I've managed almost 42 days without meat and in the 'wilderness' of Leeds without being destroyed by the devil in all his forms but now I long for holy week and something more... In April people long to go on pilgrimage!

Second day running of absolute exhaustion from 4 hours on the allotment... Luckily mother did the second walk with Lola just as I was coming back from The Black Bull after half a pint: there was only one other person in (Malcolm) doing his crossword and just being. He never worries about whether he's surrounded by anyone. he's in the pub from noon until 3. He's like me. He was walking into Wetherby at the same time I walking up towards Deighton Bar (Monday and Tuesday).

Mum wanted a takeaway for her birthday, but I am still meat free since Ash Wednesday (not long to go now) and all of the takeaways in Wetherby are very 1990s. Nothing really current apart from Mango (Indian Gujarat/vegetarian) but mum isn't vegetarian and won't even consider dropping meat from her diet for one day. So she had a homemade chicken Jalfrezi and I had beans, eggs and chips with a couple of slices of bread...

Wash my self properly prior to bed - should've probably had a shower? A bit itchy from working on my knees in the dirt...

***

Wednesday,

Slept through until just after 5. Coffee. It's raining. Lightly. In Our Time.

Spent the majority of the day with Lola. Then met Andy and Ian(and Merlin) before catching the buses back to Leeds. The number 7 was too busy and I really needed the loo so got off in Boston Spa. Then the next bus didn't turn up... So another hour. Got off on Vicar lane and went for two halves in BrewDog on the corner of North Street and bumped into Johnny from the original BrewDog behind the corn exchange. Back to the flat.

Someone called me out of the blue about exchanging his flat in Wetherby for my flat in Leeds - and I booked a flight to Geneva on the morning too... £21 from Leeds on the 31st.

***

Friday,

Too busy to stop to think. Nervous. The family of the house in Wetherby visited yesterday and all I could see was the 'mess' of my flat and the mountain of stuff I'd have to move. I guess I don't own a TV, dishwasher, chairs, wardrobes furniture as such. But the guy coming here is an Uber driver and can rent a van... I have to carry my stuff. Or pay a white van man. I moved all my books and records here in a constant stream. So I can do that once more. But the washing machine, bed and hi-fi equipment... I'll be alright. Time for coffee. It's 5am. In Our Time and caught the 7am bus. So begins the big move...

***

Saturday,

And it's over. The move was put on 'hold'. I was so anxious yesterday that I thought I was developing a migraine. So I am relieved that that short episode in my life is over. I have 2 roofs over my head and a shed on the allotment. True, my flat needs decorating, but that was meant to be happening this year? Perhaps I need to speak directly to the council about the ceiling in the kitchen, again(third time)? The place on Ezart Avenue was massive for one person and I 'saw' Wetherby again yesterday... How bad is The Swan and Talbot? The glass of Guinness was so dirty, but the staff have no idea about beer presentation other than they use 'branded' glassware... Probably because they have to? And Andy's gaff is just too expensive for nothing of any real quality and Jason likes nothing in Wetherby regardless of how good I think it is simply because it's in Wetherby and not Leeds. He might be correct. So I feel another weight has been lifted. I was feeling that I was looking out of another person's head since Wednesday: like a passenger with no control. People are not to be trusted I don't think.

Potted up two trays(30) tomatoes - Moneymaker, Coyotes and San Mazano plus a stinking of celery. They're on the windowsill in my ex-bedroom. Mum is still in the unforgiving mood age was yesterday morning when I arrived at 8am.

Was thinking of walking to Harrogate, but not in the mood and the weather is bitingly cold: I've got the wrong coat on for the day expected... North Westerly gusts from Iceland.

Walked from Vicar Lane to Boar Lane then up Albion Street to the Brudnell through the University. Brought some groceries in Abu Bakr and three chapatis for £1. Had two halves in The Brudnell and bumped into Sarah the girl from Kirsty's band(singer) who I watched at that venue on Meanwood Road back in 2015... Chunk? Esper Scout. Now sat outside Hyde Park Book Club in the blustery sunshine, where I bumped into Ellie from NB, and am enjoying a fresh(03/01/2024) Orval. And now I am dog sitting Archie next weekend as his paw-rents head to London for the bank holiday.

***

Sunday,

Waiting for the sunrise behind St James's Hospital. Not happy today. feeling depressed. No hot water either - oh the bathos. Pathetic. The last few days I think I was pushing down my true emotions. The phony 'elation' of the chance to move, but mum couldn't care less although she keeps telling me I should be able to move to Wetherby because of her condition. She's toxic at times. She was not happy at all all day Friday. And why would I want to live in toxic Wetherby. But I felt I was in toxic Meanwood yesterday - passing the toxic Otley Runners. Do I go to the Dales or do I stay here and mope... Three hours to decide. Didn't sleep well. Probably the cream cheese... Cheese. Why do I keep getting cheese after beer. It's bonkers. I am bonkers. I am blind. Moved the chair to the other side of the room now that we're passed a quarter of the year. The equinox has passed.

The pain in the left foot. Between the Hyde Park Book Club and Meanwood Tavern. I had to apply a cold compress on the sole of the foot. It helped, but I only walked 2 miles before it was the most painful since coming down into Segovia in early December 2022. If I go to the dales the foot may flare up once more...

Time for a coffee... The sun is shining... Off to spend quality time with Lola.

... Back on the X98. Directly to the flat. After Sunday lunch with mother: civilised. We sat down together. Lola and I had a good walk alongside the Wharfe, down Scaur Bank and around the loop of the Ings. I also paddled as the left foot was complaining again and I thought that the cold water might help once more - which it did - and Lola had a grand time excitedly chasing on the edge of the river: she wasn't coming in! It's too cold. She's wonderful.

In the afternoon I trayed up another batch of seeds: yellow dwarf beans. In the greenhouse things are beginning to show: corn, runner beans etc.

***