Day One, part 1.

Another day of self hatred before a restful night's sleep. It's Monday the 2nd October and is this it?

The end of the previous period of my life, if life my can be divided up into Epochs, eras, periods? But a change has to come, and I can only think of one way to get the ball rolling, which is by walking away from the same temptations I see all around me.

In 2013 I felt the same, ever decreasing, situation, as I lay between the late shift and the early shift at YO! Sushi when I felt nothing was real in what I was doing and where nothing meant anything to me! Then I felt why go on? But there had to another way to that obvious conclusion to which I thought death was about to pounce.

And yes there was, is and will always be. To turn in to the path of lightness, being, truth, and not abide in the doorway of uncertainty, where I waver forever, back and forth, around and around, with no direction and no purpose; be fearless and find what was always there to be found.

***

Pilgrimage has always been walked as a form of penance but in this secular society it's hard to comprehend what doing penance might mean? And there are no indications in England it might help me rejoin a path which could save me from my self and finally bring a smile to my face?

***

In 2013 I queued up on three occasions for the compostelle without understanding what I was doing then. As the evening approached, and the queue died down, then I finally delivered myself up those steps to the office to be given absolution. But at that time it was a meaningless piece of parchment (paper actually, but rolled up like vellum) as I didn't truly comprehend what the Camino was and how it was altering me.

...

On the very warm X99. Missed out town and caught it at Cross Stamford Street. Put on any old clothes before getting the Camino outfit which is clean and neatly rolled up in the 2 year old backpack I was forced to buy when the other one failed to materialise in Beauvais/Tillé, before I stumbled out of Beauvais during that record breakingly hot July 2022 towards Mantes-la-Jolie.

***

As we leave Redhall, and are passing into Scarcroft, the bus picks up speed and the heat vanishes, with the breeze coming through the opened windows, and the wholesome smells of farmland releases me.