cause of the effect: ripples

My problems began the morning of the first day at Wetherby High School in September 1983 and didn't cease, except for those all too brief years in Australia, until 2013 when the big implosion occurred.

Thirty years, give or take.

But then something true opened up within me from 2013 and I have been readjusting to it for 10 strange years.

Now I am 51 so it's 40 years in a kind of wilderness: barren, stoney, parched and unrelenting, where the horizon never changes and all potential is a mirage.

In a manner of speaking, I caused this way through life myself, as I twisted and turned to constantly face a perceived threat which, however real, was mainly in my head.

What complete fool I have been! At no point was the world a threat to my security at all... And I put myself on the chopping block without any consideration that I could get up and walk on away from it: turning the other cheek, waking up or becoming the Christ?