New thoughts

We are heading towards spring, in a stuttering fashion, with some cool days - a bitter northern wind and consistent showers yesterday and Saturday put me off heading to the allotment, and today mum has a date - first for ages as I think she's getting lonelier as she approaches 80? Her friendships seem to be thinning out?

As a perennial loner I've never really been concerned about being on my own most of the time. In my youth I couldn't understand why I was always left to oneside, picked last(or not at all) and never asked for my feelings, opinions or justifications ...

...

I've had little to report for the preceding couple of wintry months ... Now, as we approach Spring, I had a morning where I just couldn't keep killing myself slowly - I have realised, since whatever broke in my mind, quite apart from what's happening in the body, that for the preceding 10 years I've been a slow death - a suicide through wanton destruction of being. How foolish I have been?