Too Much Thinking!

So much thinking and thoughts are both empty and ephemeral but they occupy, pointlessly, my sleepless mind. They seem filled with matter but really there is no substance in them.

Thinking in that time between sleep and the struggle to return to sleep, before I gave up around 5 and came downstairs to a pot of coffee and a podcast before 6am.

Dawn is coming in the east. The birds are singing and it's all good. It's simple. My thoughts are complicated, layered, interlocking and insane. But they do nothing. Over thinking is a real disease.

But there is no point crying over split milk. It's gone. It's evaporated in a cloud of memory.

For a moment I thought I hadn't fed Ruby when we returned from just one more beer, but I had because her dinner from Thursday is missing in the fridge - it had some fishes in it and they are not on her shelf in the Utility Room fridge ...

The guilt I felt reflecting opening the bottle of Bordeaux I saw laid down alongside the many other wine: but it was a 2019 vintage and only a Bordeaux appellation - not even a Superior - regrets in that moment of no sleep.

Friday morning and I begin again. From Saturday until Thursday I went without alcohol. I don't need it again. Today I've Ruby and Lola here at 14 Chestnut Avenue - I will need to bring one of Lola's throws to see if she'll be OK with me and not want to go to Grandma's?