Sunday 9th May.

Feeling a little darkness inside.

I'm still wasting my effort on nothing

Hoping those without vision finally spring out of the dullness. I'm wasting money, braincells and too many moments on nothings. And I'm still doing it. Such a fool. What is the point. There isn't one.

The things I've done are history and are meaningless now. Being current and not seeking the previous experiences or looking forward to what cannot be known, so should be overlooked.

Why do I persist at this atrocity? How did I get stuck still looking deep in the hoof print for another truth/reality? It was always a bad dream in which there are waking intervals where all I am looking for is a free glass of water and no more incomprehension.

There is another way, but it breaks everything I've ever relied on. And I'm appallingly afraid of the help it offers! 

It's almost 8 years since I found the other way, but I spend too often waiting... I'm not sure how to take the next step? How does one pray to God, Jesus or the Holy Ghost without feeling guilt, shame or insanity.