Dead-end.

No motivation. Came back from my mum's after the rush hour and didn't leave the flat. Laid on the bed trying to calm down, but it's so loud.
Can't leave my room/cell. Can't see the point
The world is so loud
I find it hard to stop my mind racing when it's constantly under attack by the people I see when I have to go out.
Everyone's looking at me. I feel like I must smell bad or look bad: but I can't work out what I have done?

Going to the shops is really difficult. I stay away from the main routes and go down back streets.

The noises from around my flat never stop. Sirens, people shouting, cars and bikes flying around North Street. Council can't help me to move and I can't afford to move.

My flat is a mess. I keep meaning to clean it, decorate it, but can't see the point. I've never really moved in. Things are still in boxes. All the walls have nails and dark shades from the previous tenant.

Getting around by public transport is difficult. I've got to get the earliest buses or in-between times so I can get a quiet corner. If it's too busy I get off and walk. Sometimes it's so busy that I wait for the next bus once I get off. People stare at me and it makes me anxious.

All my school friends have stopped talking to. People in Wetherby stare at me. When I visit my mum, for some quiet, we clash so I go my room and don't go out. We often have a row about my mental health because "if I just did this" or "did that" I'd be happy. If I was more like her. Getting involved. She doesn't understand how insulting it is not to have her support.

When people do say hello and ask "how are you" I go into meltdown inside and I can't answer them because I remember all my problems intimately!

I'm constantly under attack and it's so painful. It makes me so sad and it makes me despair. My sister thinks I am a shitty because of the abuse I revealed about my father - she thinks I made it up. She's stopped talking to me nicely. Whenever I step out of line she shouts at me like I'm not worth anything. I had to leave the room recently as I didn't know how to stop her attacking me. And from then on I couldn't stop thinking how bad a person I must be to deserve her vengeance?

I cannot live this life anymore. It's not peaceful, joyous or happy. The box I am in is too close for respite. There is no comfort of any type here for me. It's a brick wall I am faced with. Do you see unhappy faces everywhere? Do you see danger, anger and death everywhere? I do! This world needs help, but I don't know how to help it as I need help too. I have been here too long. A dead end.